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Nikki Luongo

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Sexless in the City: The Dating Realities You Don't See on TV

Posted: 10/24/11 06:14 PM ET

In the last episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie has run off to Paris to be with "the Russian," Mr. Big consults Carries friends about what he should do to win her back. He calls her friends "the loves of her life" and says a guy's just lucky to come in fifth. They glance at each other and tell him to go get their girl.

How many of us have watched these episodes on repeat and wished we had friends like that, friends who would drop everything at a moment's notice to make sure that we are headed in the right direction? We all wish we had our own version of Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte, those amazing fashionistas who wear $400 pairs of shoes and live and love in New York City.

How man of us sat through the reruns and wished we were one of these characters, where we wouldn't have to worry about making a car payment, paying off student loans and be free to bring home any man we choose ... so what's the consequence of this lifestyle?

For one thing, the line at the free clinic would be snaked around the entire city and pharmacies would be overrun with demand for the Plan B morning after pill.

Why do we romanticize "Sex and the City," "Gossip Girl," "90120," "Pan AM" and all the other dramas that show women that we identify with on some level getting into bed with a guy after knowing him for less than 20 minutes just because he bought her a drink? Do television writers forget what it's really like to date? The work we put into relationships? It's not always "wham bam thank you ma'm."

As someone who's spent more time drooling over Mr. Big than an actual boyfriend, I can say that I've always imagined that loving someone that much would lead me to skip through the series of relationships in between until we met again in that one perfect spot in the park and walk into the sunset together.

But then reality sets in, and it's off to another date with some guy who thinks that just because I'm built like Dolly Parton he'll get to second base.

Life is never like the dramas we wrap ourselves up in because reality looms too large in our lives. We whine over that one guy who ignores us and ignore the good guy who bends over backwards for us, and yet we still imagine ourselves walking down Park Avenue, bumping into our own personal Prince Charming.

My question is this: why do women still romanticize the romance we see on television and not in our everyday lives? Why is it so hard for us to take that initial step to find "the one?" Are we afraid to get hurt? Or are we hoping for Mr. Big or whoever we fantasize about to actually come into our lives? Should we settle for what's in front of us and take what we can get?

Tell me: Do you have a celebrity crush or long for the romance you see on television?

 

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