Satan's in the Stall Beside Me

The demise of mountain state Republican Senator Larry Craig amuses those of us who enjoy watching right-wing heroes crash to the ground, spiked on their own hypocrisy. It further confirms my theory: prick any conservative and the kink oozes out. The rockier the rib, the more likely you'll find pink lingerie under the trousers or a bullwhip and manacles in the bedside drawer. You can bet those Beltway dominatrices, madams and escorts (gay and straight) have been able to buy second homes -- maybe even in Sun Valley! -- with their haul during W's reign.

However, because we are people of compassion, we should also feel a little horrified by this tortured man's sad, humiliating demise. He's obviously lived his whole life afflicted by the religious psychobabble and outright bigotry of people who say homosexuality is a sickness and a lifestyle decision instead of an innate state of being that has nothing to do with illness or choice.

The sickness, of course, is in the suppression, which is why closeted men seek love in rank public bathroom stalls.

The Republican Party got Bush re-elected in 2004 by playing the homophobe card. In Ohio, their minions went door-to-door in Amish country and warned the historically non-secular inhabitants that if they didn't get out and register Republican, gay marriage would be the law of the land. Tens of thousands of Amish men and women hitched horses to buggies, cracked their whips, and raced to the nearest polling place to vote to repel the Sodomites. With their unprecedented help, Ohio, that crucial state, slid ever so narrowly into the red column, sending the Bush regime back to the White House with four more years to plot how to bomb Tehran.

The trouble with this wedge issue, as everyone now knows, is that it's Republican suicide. The hateful public stance of the party has driven its many gay members into ever more contorted acts of self-loathing excess, driving the disease of suppression out in the open and subjecting men to public stoning by their own frenzied followers.

Foley, Haggard and Craig are only the most famous. There's Florida Rep. Bob Allen, also caught lurking for sex in a public bathroom, Corporal Matt Sanchez, gay porn star and -- for a shining moment -- Fox News channel's right wing Marine of the moment. And who can forget Jeff Gannon, the right-wing faux journalist with a secret life as a gay escort favored with a hard (yes!) White House press pass by the Bush administration communications department.

Yesterday, Republicans were sprinting away from shiny-shod, crisply cuffed mountain man Larry. Craig "represents the Republican Party," Rep. Pete Hoekstra, Republican of Michigan, said. You got that right, Pete! And then: "I think it's important for Republicans to step out right now and say, 'No, this behavior is not going to be tolerated.'"

"Tolerated." Now there's a word Republicans should meditate on for a long moment.

When I was covering Capitol Hill just before Clinton's impeachment, every other young, spiffily manicured male staffer I met in Republican Congressional offices was at least androcentric, if not obviously gay. I don't have a sensitive gay-dar, but there was something about them. Ties never askew, hair immaculately groomed, cuffs gleaming, they usually knew more about my shoes than I did.

Bill Clinton's voracious heterosexuality had as much to do with drawing their rabid hatred as any of his other attributes. He loved women too much, and if only he'd given equal time and effort to seducing those beautiful men, he might have saved himself some trouble.

Republicans in Washington know there are probably more gay men in their ranks than there are on Castro Street.

Still, against all logic and sense, they won't utter a word about tolerance.

It's time for Republicans to embrace their own gay wing and stop fueling the sickness of suppression that drives men like Larry Craig into airport bathroom stalls. Until they do, they're headed straight for the toilet with him -- not that they shouldn't jump right in anyway.

Comments

[lobear00]

The old saying: You reap what you Sow".
The Lies, there contempt for the Constitution, there little Sexual Defiant Nature, It must scare Nature itself, you never know where these Republicans will turn next! who knows they may go jump a Tree. Who knows!

[bushwhacker06]

"Republicans in Washington know there are probably more gay men in their ranks than there are on Castro Street."
McCain and others who called for his resignation surely know who are the closet cases (remember Foley's behavior was known way before he was caught). This is why senior repubs could not wait to throw Craig under the bus.

I still believe though, this is a deflection from Gone-zo.

[AsaNisMasa]

Nine, I agree with MOST of your column...BUT

"The Republican Party got Bush re-elected in 2004 by playing the homophobe card. In Ohio, their minions went door-to-door in Amish country and warned the historically non-secular inhabitants that if they didn't get out and register Republican, gay marriage would be the law of the land. Tens of thousands of Amish men and women hitched horses to buggies, cracked their whips, and raced to the nearest polling place to vote to repel the Sodomites. With their unprecedented help, Ohio, that crucial state, slid ever so narrowly into the red column, sending the Bush regime back to the White House with four more years to plot how to bomb Tehran"

Come on. Don't be so naive. It wasn't the amish that pushed Ohio into the Red. It was Ken Blackwell and the disenfranchising of minorities of their right to vote.

[monstabunny]

Sorry, I can't muster that kind of compassion for Foley. Preying on minors and vulnerable young people is definitely a sickness - it's not merely the suppression that's sick. And Foley didn't even manage much in the way of suppression either - his colleagues knew about it.

[jackbauer0396]

There certainly is a great divide between the perverse actions of a man in an airport bathroom, which we as beings of some moral character can regard as "skeezy" whether straight or homosexual, and preying on the innocent, vulnerable youths, which we can regard as completely, irreparably and indubitably wrong. Good point, monsta.

[dartagnan]

"When I was covering Capitol Hill just before Clinton's impeachment, every other young, spiffily manicured male staffer I met in Republican Congressional offices was at least androcentric, if not obviously gay."

This has been more or less an open secret for a long time -- Google "Republican gay mafia" and see what pops up.

The idea that Republiscum hatred of Clinton was partly motivated by resentment of his rampant heterosexuality is interesting and, I think, somewhat plausible. Those who loathe themselves for being homosexual might well be resentful of heterosexuals.

[eric20008]

Make that "used to be" numerous gay Republican staffers. Their ranks suffered a massive attrition as a result of the 2006 elections and, for all I know, may suffer even more losses after 2008.

BTW I'm surprised that no one's referred to the rumors of other gay Members. Is Larry Craig but the right shoe and will we see more exposes?

[Mykel]

Can we all just get a few things, um, straight about gay sex in public restrooms?

First of all, openly gay people such as myself have no need for this type of behavior. We simply go to gay bars, like normal gays do.

Second of all, those types of people who do such things in public restrooms are, as in the case with Sen. Craig, typically heterosexu­al-identif­ied, married with children, attend religious services and condemn gay equality.

Lastly, if heterosexual men and women shared bathroom facilities, it should come as no surprise if they, too, had a quick, anonymous sexual encounter.

Which means that smug conservative heterosexuals or even some liberal heterosexuals have no right to make assumptions about gays, in general, and the types of sexual encounters we have.

Most of us truly are just the people next door, struggling to pay the bills and complaining about nothing being on TV.

OK?

[Poboy]

"We simply go to gay bars, like normal gays do."

Normal gays? What's that.

I guess that's like normal straights?

Who are you trying to kid?

You better keep it real!

There is a segment of gay men who like "anonymous sex" whether in the bathrooms, public parks, back rooms, etc.

This is less about gay sex or public sex, than it is about anonymous sex. In other words, sex with people you do not know, don't want to know and if you did know, you then wouldn't want to have sex with them!

[browall]

Would someone tell me what actual crime was commited or what law was broken? Sorry, I am
ignorant of this sort of thing and also do not know exactly what happened. Did Craig propositon the cop for sex for money? The cop was not a minor. I am aware that there are laws against performing sex acts in public places. But he was not caught commiting a sexual act - or was he?

Thanks.

[autodefensa]

browall

What they charged him with was "disorderly conduct," Although I'm not sure whether his actual behavior merited it. You can find the complaint on CNN's site.

[autodefensa]

Mykel

You mentioned you're a gay man. Allow me to point out that men and women are not the same. At this moment in history, it's fashionable to CLAIM that men and women are the same, but that doesn't make it true. If it were true, you wouldn't be gay, right? Because it wouldn't make any difference.

It's men (and not limited to those who identify as gay) who seek quick, anonymous sex. That's neither good nor bad but just a fact. The only way a woman would have quick, anonymous sex in a bathroom is if a man forced her.

The notion that men and women are the same is a lie. Do men have babies? Do women have penises? No, they're different, not just in physical ways but in many others.

Thanks for listening, and please don't lump men and women together as if they were the same!

[cowboyneok]

Mike O. (See profile | I'm a fan of Mike O.)
Laugh it up. We'll still have the white house in 2008.
================
Dream on! If anything can damage Republicans it is this kind of thing. All the lies have finally reached critical mass. You will NOT have the White House in 2008.

By the way, Senator Diaper Dave Vitter needs to go if Larry Craig is forced out. Double standards.

[GH]

More WAshington bathroom stories. From the WSJ - July 20, 2005.

"Only a few weeks before the 1964 election, a powerful presidential assistant, Walter Jenkins, was arrested in a men's room in Washington. Evidently, the president was concerned that Barry Goldwater would use that against him in the election. Another assistant, Bill Moyers, was tasked to direct Hoover to do an investigation of Goldwater's staff to find similar evidence of homosexual activity. Mr. Moyers' memo to the FBI was in one of the files.

When the press reported this, I received a call in my office from Mr. Moyers. Several of my assistants were with me. He was outraged; he claimed that this was another example of the Bureau salting its files with phony CIA memos. I was taken aback. I offered to conduct an investigation, which if his contention was correct, would lead me to publicly exonerate him. There was a pause on the line and then he said, "I was very young. How will I explain this to my children?" And then he rang off."

[JoshuasGrandma]

Follow up to this story is that Goldwater said he would never use the sad circumstance of Walter Jenkins in a political way. Goldwater was the last classy conservative who believed that government had no business in people's bedrooms, and said that the military had no business keeping gays out. Best Goldwater quote: "You don't have to be straight to shoot straight."

[Mike O.]

Laugh it up. We'll still have the white house in 2008.

[Andydp]

Absolutely fantastic commetary !! All of this is so true it bothers me its not more publicised. I note the hipocrisy in Sen Craig's life, the reaction of his fellow GOP memebers and, of course, continuing rumors of a very large closet within the GOP "big tent". (

[Marilyn Ferdinand]

A couple of quotes from Tony Kushner's remarkable work "Angels in America," from the character Roy Cohn (yes, THAT Roy Cohn):

"I have sex with men. But unlike nearly every other man of whom this is true, I bring the guy I'm screwing to the White House and President Reagan smiles at us and shakes his hand."

"No. Like all labels they tell you one thing, and one thing only: Where does an individual so identified fit into the food chain, the pecking order? Not ideology or sexual taste, but something much simpler: clout. Not who I fuck or who fucks me, but who will come to the phone when I call, who owes me favors. This is what a label refers to. Now to someone who does not understand this, a homosexual is what I am because I have sex with men, but really this is wrong. A homosexual is somebody who, in 15 years of trying cannot get a pissant anit-discrimination bill through the city council. A homosexual is somebody who knows nobody and who nobody knows. Who has zero clout. Does this sound like me, Henry?"

So maybe this is what gay Republicans like Craig feel?

BTW, Kushner had sympathy even for Cohn. I don't think that's such a bad thing. Kindness is in short supply these days.

[GreatFutureForAll]

"It further confirms my theory: prick any conservative and the kink oozes out."

Nina, upon reading this, I had to read the entire blog. I love what you wrote. But, let’s share notes as if we were two scientists studying the psycho-sexual deviance that may be at the heart of right wing conservatism.

I have another theory: Imagine that Craig was not a self loathing, restroom loving pervert. Instead, try to imagine him in a black leather bodysuit with a bullwhip in his hand.

Could the reason for his lashing out against the entire gay community be tied to a sadomasochistic rush; that by ridiculing gays and voting against their every wish, he got a sadistic hard-on?

Remember, he was a powerful Senator that was praised by the likes of the Christian Coalition, a group that gave Craig a 100% approval rating on family values. All men, (gay, straight, bisexual), can let power go to their heads (and other parts of the body).

Can we really say, definitively, that this is not part of Craig's perverted psychosis? Could he have enjoyed a rush from his own version of "BDSM" with him as the Washington Dominant of all gays?

A better question: Is there an element of this within all right-wing bigotry?

When the KKK had their elaborate ceremonies before their ultimate southern kink, the torture and murder of a muscled black man, can we truly say that part of their drive to go this far (dressing in long uniforms as to not "expose" their true feelings, wearing hoods to hide their perverted delight) was not a disguised, sexually charged sadomasochistic ritual that set free suppressed homosexual desires in very repressed dixie?

Craig may have exposed the real reason for right-wing fascism: Repression.

If my theory is right (and Giuliani is doing everything in his power to prove me right with his crossdressing), then maybe we can let the ultra-conservative, bigoted part of America know that "everything's ok...come out of the closet...We will let you live OUT IN THE OPEN to save America!!!

[Pete Ross]

I think there are two parts to the hard core Republicans:
1 The entity previously referred to as the "Military Industrial Complex" which Eisenhower warned us never to place in a position of power
and
2 The zealot right wing religious nutballs, the Christian fundies who are attempting to obtain complete control of our country and who some say are trying to destroy our Constitution and raise a theocracy in its ashes.

Reagan sold out to the fundie groups to win the presidency and as a result we have the nefarious Republican Party of today.

[GreatFutureForAll]

"The zealot right wing religious nutballs, the Christian fundies who are attempting to obtain complete control of our country and who some say are trying to destroy our Constitution and raise a theocracy in its ashes."

Your point here is well taken. While my post was aimed at the motivations behind right wing ideology, you correctly point out some of the end results of such thinking.

What fundamentalist Christians and other neo-conservatives fail to realize is that a democracy has to be rigorously defended to sustain itself. Some of them have recognized that the Bush admin. has gone far beyond the rights provided to it under the constitution. Most have not.

As you described, our way of government can and will be taken away from us if we sit back and let it happen.

A constitution cannot survive on it's own. Neither can a democracy.

[TakeNoNeoConPrisoners]

I think we need to ponder whether the fascist rightwing idiot-ology is a disease, a chosen lifestyle, hereditary or learned destructive behavior?

Seems like they cannot suppress it since their proclivity is for power, control and wealth. It manfests itself in their perverted logic and illogical actions. It is like a disease in that it spreads from one ignorant (un-innoculated in truth) American to the next ignorant American. Yet it spreads by word of mouth as in KKKarl Turd Blossom, Rush Limpdick, Sean Handjob, Bill O'Really propaganda so it could be learned or dumbing down as the better description.

Makes you wonder but shall we be compassionate progressives.

[cowboyneok]

The "MSM" coronated John Kerry versus Howard Dean in the last election. Look at where it got us!

I'm starting to think there is nothing wrong with using "MSM" to describe both "mainstream media" and guys like Senator Larry Craig.

For all those confused with the abbreviation "MSM" let me define it for you:

1. MSM - stands for "men who have sex with men" and "mainstream media"
2. IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER: MSM stands for BOTH "MAINSTREAM MEDIA" and "MEN WHO HAVE SEX WITH OTHER MEN"
3. "MSM" consists of mostly men who are "tools" of the Republican party. Get it? "tools"
4. "MSM" lie to themselves and actually believe their own lies. The Maintream Media believes they provide the public with "fair and balanced" reporting, and "men who have sex with men" think they are "straight."
5. "MSM" are both virulently Republican, and anti-gay and anti-equal rights for gay men who dare to be honest and "bust their cover."
6. "MSM" are both secretive and shadowy loose organizations of Republican men.
7. Many MSM "men who have sex with men" make major decisions for the MSM "mainstream media"
8. MSM have been known to give blow jobs to other Republicans on the "down low." The only difference is the "mainstream media" does it live on national television interviews, and "men who have sex with men" do it in airport bathrooms.
9. MSM - "Mainstream media" and "men who have sex with men" are whores in every sense. Both corporate whores, and just plain WHORES!
10. MSM - the "Mainstream Media" and "men who have sex with men" have HIDDEN AGENDAS. They claim one thing, "I love Jesus" or "We report the truth" but are simply hiding the fact they are voting or influencing others to vote to protect the STATUS QUO or their ability to successfully secretly WHORE themselves.

That's enough comparisons for now for the "MSM" but you are welcome to add your own!

-Timothy Beauchamp (aka cowboyneok)