In Defense of Ryan O'Neal

I understand that Ryan O'Neal has confessed, in the current edition of Vanity Fair, that he recently failed to recognize his own daughter Tatum at a funeral and accidentally made a pass at her.

Everyone is very judgmental about this, but I just want to say that I sympathize.

A couple of years ago, I was standing in a mall in Las Vegas when I saw a very pleasant-looking woman coming towards me, smiling, her arms outstretched, and I thought, who is this woman? Where do I know her from? Then she spoke and I realized it was my sister Amy.

You might think, well how was she to know her sister would be in Las Vegas, but I'm sorry to report that not only did I know, but she was the person I was meeting in the mall.

It was not entirely my fault that I didn't know my own sister. Amy has a variety of hairstyles and you never know which one of them she will show up in. Also, she was wearing a new pair of glasses. But for the most part, I was to blame: I'm getting worse at recognizing people. My hard drive is full. And it's more and more difficult to keep track. People you haven't seen in years go gray, or gain weight, or have facelifts, or take up hats to cover their bald spots, or put an excessive number of highlights into their hair, and then they expect you to recognize them.

As it happens, Ryan O'Neal had not seen his daughter Tatum in years. He thought she was a Swedish person. I completely understand. The truth is that had I been gay, I might have accidentally made a pass at my own sister in a mall in Las Vegas. So who's to judge? Not me.

Comments

[TommyMcCarthy]

More and more often I find myself staring (hopefully discreetly) at some woman in a public place,....
Trying to determine if she is this or that person I have not seen for twenty years or so..........i.e.

"Hey...wait a minute .....who IS that?...........I know her....is that Lou's sister?....no .....um .........
MY GOD it's Denise!!!!­.......no.­...CAN'T be...........could it?.....no It IS!!"

Then the search for distinguishing features begins.....
(Not so long ago, tatooed women, among other things, were found ONLY in National Geographic)..i.e.

"It IS!!!! HAS to be.....who else would wear Birkenstocks with a ball gown....?"

"Take a chance Tommy....N­O!....YES!­.....I'll stand up......TH­ERE!!..... Looked right at me....must not be.....
Well, DUH......my hair is Much shorter and going grey......and I haven't seen that Che Guevara T-Shirt she gave me in YEARS.....­.Damn!....­I think that's Denise....no YES no....."

etc. etc. etc ....Com-PLET-ly forgetting that if it WERE the person in question...
They.....( who are ALSO twenty years older)..... would not look like THAT ......COULD they???

"Let's see....did Denise have a daughter??....... How old would SHE be these days?"

Only occasionally do I get the withering frosty look I deserve.....
.......When some poor gal glances up and sees an addled-looking middle-aged man staring at her... and muttering something to himself.....heh

There's no situation so banal that Nora Ephron can't make it comical as hell

Regards
tm

[Arielman]

Wikipedia: Candi Barr
"The movie rights to Barr's early life story was purchased by producer Mardi Rustam in 1982. In 1984, Texas Monthly listed Barr among such luminaries as Lady Bird Johnson as one of history's "perfect Texans." In March 1988, it was announced that Ryan O'Neal would direct Farrah Fawcett in a biopic about Barr based on a script by George Axelrod, who wrote the Broadway play Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?, but the movie was never produced."

[Neilia]

You make a good point! I almost didn't recognize my own teenage son at the mall the other day because I have only seen him in his room, in semi-darkness, hunched in front of his computer for the past few years.

[Polly Noonan]

hey, that was funny. and highly enjoyable! i might ask myself out in the mirror later. eat that, ryan o'neal!

[cobba100]

Love your wry response Nora. Yep! I almost hit on my mother at the airport after only a year's separation. And I don't think I'm gay either. Nor was I grieving the loss of my beloved life partner. One can really see how these things get out of hand when you're in the right place at the right time.......feeling the wrong thing.

[isadora]

Grief affects people in very different ways that may indeed be intense and manifest themselves in ways that may seem strange to observers. Grief counselors tell us this. I certainly hope that Ryan O'Neal gets the help that he needs through therapy. He has, obviously been troubled for a long time, and this recent loss could, understandably, be making it all worse/. I have enjoyed his acting performances over the years, including that classic comedy turn in "Paper Moon." Get better, Ryan. We need you to make us laugh again--which will be good for you too.

[Patrician]

A side point: doesn't it seem a little odd to be prospecting at a funeral?

This is the man who told Farah he'd go with her if she didn't make it.

I'll admit that I am totally puzzled by him.

[faganpb]

But Ryan O'Neal wasn't at a mall, he was at his (ex)girlfriend's and mother of his son's funeral; a person typically attends a funeral to show respect and honor the deceased and maybe to find closer to his/her loss, not to pick up on another girl.

[firstrax]

This is the kind of thing you should never admit. Deny everything.

[RedDogBear]

The thing is its not a question of his having to deny anything. He VOLUNTEERED the info that he hit on his own daughter. No one saw it. No one asked him the question or challenged him. That is what I find really disgusting. He is so self involved he couldn't stop to think about what his daughter would feel when reading this or if he did he couldn't value that over the chance to tell a funny story to an interviewer.

[light2you]

what I find so interesting is all the ignorant replies on here....people never fail to amaze me

[AlysonStern]

You had me going there for a minute Nora! Well done. :-)

[Lulubelle1]

Thank goodness you're kidding, Nora.

Ryan O'Neal has a very... ahhhh... offbeat sense of humor, and is a flirt, undoubtedly. I don't doubt for a second that he was joking at the funeral, wryly pretending to "hit on" someone in a time of sincere grief. It's a kind of gallows humor that relieves the tension once someone dies after a long terminal illness. Some people can do that, and some find it to be disrespectful. I'm fairly certain that Farrah knew Ryan's style, and would've found his words in keeping with that style.

But not knowing your own daughter...? Your child? Unconscionable.

I'd recognize my kids (who are still pre-teens) 20 years from now even if I never saw them in between.

[TantrisDerNarr]

Rock-on, Self-Righteous!
Let's hope Life doesn't prove you wrong. For, if it did, would you eat yourself up, starting with your feet?

[research]

Maybe he needed publicity.

[SethBLiNK]

I grew up believing that Clark Kent could put on a pair of glasses and NEVER have anybody mistake him for Superman. Kids today think that Miley Cirus can put on a blonde wig and live a double life as Hannah Montana without any of her schoolmates being the wiser.

And who can forget Samantha's dark haired and diabolical twin in Bewitched.

Not sure if that last one fits in here, but of the three, she's the only one I would hit on at a funeral.

My point? Who says I have to have a point? I don't know which part of the story makes Ryan O'Neil look worse, the fact that he didn't recognize his daughter, the fact that he hit on a woman at the funeral of his ex-wife, or the fact that he was little enough embarrassed by the incident to tell it to a magazine. But I do know that the three facts together make for more entertaining reading that actual news.

[legalgirl]

Youth is wasted on the young -- just wait !

[Izzystone]

As I grew older I realized that one couldn't proscribe what constituted improper behavior when friends were dying, giving birth or divorcing. One has to stand back, let the unpredictable reveal itself and offer support, not directives. Sorta worked for me for several decades.
Izzystone