Life in the Shallow End

I don't mean to be superficial, but let's face it, I am. And there's nothing like a presidential debate to remind me how deeply superficial. It's not that I don't hear what the candidates are saying, but I always begin by noticing what they're wearing, and whose shirt looks better, and of course, whose tie. I spent a great deal of the first debate upset about the way Obama's shirt fit too loosely around his neck, and I had quite a lot of fantasies about how to help him in this area. If I were married to him I assure you he never would have left the house in that shirt.

By the time tonight's debate was minutes old, I had decided that Obama had won. His shirt looked great, and his suit fit beautifully. This seemed important. He sat down in a chair that was basically unsittable and he looked fantastic. He loped around the stage, holding the microphone as if he'd been born with a silver one in his hand. Compare that to McCain: his jacket fit oddly and his way-too-wide tie was poking out of the bottom. He was unhealthy -- overweight and out-of-breath, almost gasping for air every five or six words. And he looked so stumpy and awkward walking around the stage that I couldn't imagine why he'd ever thought a Town Hall format would be good for him.

I feel a little guilty about all these shallow criteria, but not too guilty, because in some horrible way, these debates are really not about substance but trivia. We have been with these guys a long time, and we now know what they're going to say and how they're going to say it. McCain repeats himself way worse than Obama -- "my friends," "earmarks," etc. -- but both of them are guys we've been married to for a long time, and we know their stories. It's true I had no idea that McCain learned everything he knew from a chief petty officer, but that was about the extent of the surprises he had in store for me after all these years together, and in any case, it was clearly bullshit.

But the point I'm leading up to is that both candidates are good at what debates are now about -- not making a mistake. It's amazing that they spend ninety minutes on a stage discussing the burning issues of our time, and in the end it can boil down to a slip of the tongue, a moment that's perceived as over the line, a factual mistake that can be made into a "gotcha" moment.

McCain came close to making a mistake, and there will be a big deal made over his referring to Obama as "that one" because it was patronizing and revealing. But in the end that moment will seem like yet another misguided attempt at the sort of casual joke McCain fails to make work most of the time. If I were married to him, an unlikely scenario, we would probably have fought in the car on the way home tonight, because I told him a million times not to try to be funny, but he never listens to me.

And if I were married to Obama, another unlikely scenario but a far more attractive one, I would be driving home having a hard time not thinking about the curtains.

Read more reactions to the Obama-McCain Town Hall Debate from HuffPost bloggers

Comments

[RRonin]

Barack is the coolest dude to ever have a real chance to be President. He is the Miles Davis of Politics, no he's not that chilly and distant. He's the Wynton Marsalis of Politics!

[Grandmama]

I am SO laughing right now, not at Nora's post, but at the COMMENTS! It's just as I've suspected for months now...whenever I talk with my girlfriends about the election...someone inevitably mentions how sexy Barack is! He makes women smile. Trust me, we talk about that graceful walk, his athletic appeal, his incredibly beautiful smile, but MOST of all, we talk about how he looks at his wife! There ain't nothing sexier than a man who has a "thing" going on with his wife! It's the real thing and we all know it's real. So, women have learned to TRUST him... It's not about the shirt, the jacket, the tie...it's the guy!

Cary Grant had "IT"...Bogart had "IT"..OBAMA has "IT"!!!!!

[JenIA]

Gotta agree with you Grandmama but there's also another element: when the whole family is together, there is so much love going on between Barack, Michelle, and their 2 daughters. I love when Barack talks about Michelle or Malia and Sasha too.

BTW, in case you haven't seen this, Four Days in Denver: Behind the Scenes at the 2008 DNC. Catch the first 5 minutes when they show Barack watching Michelle give her speech--that man not only loves his wife, he is IN love with her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCeNPAaGVVY

[OhCaptain]

I teared up when I watched that. He was watching Michelle give her speech with this look of absolute devotion on his face and he was lovingly *stroking* his wedding ring the entire time. So beautiful. I would absolutely love it if there was an honest to God FAMILY in the White House. Where everyone loves each other immensely.

[Freesia2]

Obama always looks great, but for me it always has less to do with how he looks than how he moves. He is the most graceful man. When he moves quickly he looks like a tiger bounding and when he moves slowly he looks like a dancer. He's smooth on his feet and his gestures are quiet but pointed - no flailing around. And he sure doesn't do that rambling John does - no McCain Mosey.

You know the shallow thing I found in my own observations of him? This is the first election in my life where the Presidential candidate was a peer. I'm 45, Obama is 47. We could have been in highschool together. He'd have been a senior when I was a sophomore. I was a little jarred when I realized that I could have ridden the pep bus to his basketball games and thought "oh my - is he old enough to be President?" and then got thoroughly depressed when I realized that yes indeedy he is. He's older then Bill Clinton was, older than Teddy Roosevelt. Which means (gulp) I am old enough to have a President who is a peer. I thought they were always card carrying members of the AARP.

[colleen2]

Yes, I agree. Everything about him. including the million dollar smile, is graceful and dignified, an altogether different type of masculinity than the one evinced by conservative males like McCain, Bush, Cheney and Limbaugh whose abrupt, mindlessly assertive and verbally abusive style I've always found repulsive.
It's pretty amusing to watch women like Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter mimic the same style as they mimic the conservative policies, opinion and world views of conservative men

[canuck4barack]

Seeing as we can be shallow in this post......I have to admit the only thing I dislike about an Obama presidency is that for the first time in my life I will be older than the presiding president, being that I am 48. The reality of it hits pretty hard! If McCain wins I can still feel somewhat young. Oh well, I would rather feel old and happy than feel young and miserable.

[DishShoes]

Thanks Nora!

I risked spending "a chip" on your blog by reading it aloud to my husband.

He loved it too.

I thought Obama looked great and seemed very comfortable perched on the edge of that high-chair.
I found McCain's labored breath unsettling. (See, I listened.)

Post debate, I was surpised the McCain's hightailed it out of there. (Was Cindy in a glass-shop?)

I also noticed how happy the participants looked afterwards - taking pictures with Barak and MIchelle (you know, "Barak and Michelle"...).

My 2nd debate superficial sum-up:
I was reminded of the cheer, "You gotta want it - to win it - and we want it more!"

[ktplant]

I love it that they always wear red and blue ties with white or blue shirts! I make endless fun about that in the blog I write for work--the Queensboro blog.

I am with you--I do get distracted by what they are wearing. I think it is kind of hilarious that the presidential candidates always wear the same clothes for something like two years while they campaign!

[marymansour]

Nora, I own all the books you have written and hope you write another soon. You are delightfully caustic a realistic writer. With that tongue-in-cheek quality you have nailed the minutiae of what makes these debates tick. Along with the rhetoric, which is not much of a surprise for those who have been following these two men for a year or more, there is the dress and mannerisms. Frankly, I prefer the elegant Obama to the dumpy McCain in dress and message.

[Ohg]

Sarah Palin reminds us of Natalie Wood singing "I'm so Pretty" in West Side Story. ..........­..........­......
http://thefiresidepost.com/2008/10/12/sarah-palin-im-so-pretty/

[chriscanuck]

I'm glad you admitted that, Nora. I'm always checking myself for noticing hair, anchor women's jewelry (sometimes it's shockingly bad!) and men's ties etc. I'm listening, but there's alot to take in. That's my explanation and I'm sticking to it. Happy Sunday. Thanksgiving for us Canadians!

[Canuck4Obama]

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nora..I'm a total political junkie but I really have to say that if we have to suffer through these 'non-debates' we might as well have something to distract us. I'm hoping the third debate will be a little more interesting but if not, then I will have the pleasure of watching a total intelligent hunk (and yes he is) being very presidential and knowing that Michelle (equally attractive) had a big hand in the transformation from dorky 31 year old guy to the superb man he is today.

[Stonegate]

Thanks, Nora! What a great way to start a Sunday.

[doxiesrule]

Kudos for Nora for speaking the unspoken. We do make important decisions for peculiar reasons.

What I noticed most was the body language. In the first debate McClueless looked completely uncomfortable, blinking and cringing and unable to look at Obama who look liked a tall cool drink of water. The town hall format revealed even more of the same.

In the first debate I also noticed the different ways the candidates pronounced "Pakistan" - McClueless using nasal flat american "a" and Obama using a pronunciation that I suspect was probably more correct. I wondered at the time if someone should tell Obama not to use that pronunciation since Americans may view him as alien and sure enough last week he was slammed for his "exotic" pronunciation. WHATever....

[starfire426]

Senator Obama's pronounciation of Pakistan was in fact the correct one. If, we, as Americans are too stupid, to realize something as simple as that without calling Senator O an "elitist", then we deserve the continued "dumbing down of America" that we would receive with a McPalin win!

[canuck4barack]

Let's not forget Palin's Eye-raq and Eye-ran!

[leira07]

---> "He sat down in a chair that was basically unsittable and he looked fantastic."

I completely agree with this! and i thought i was the only one who noticed *slight blush*
the way he was slightly perched on the edge, looking comfortable yet alert was great and one of the best photo ops of the night

[pgurlatl]

I noticed that as well and how he smiled when McCain slighted him with a funny. He looked really presidential and cool at the same time. Oh and of course, sexy.

[bkovitz]

Wow. I feel horrified upon reading this article. Terrified, even. Thanks for posting it, though. It gives me some insight into how the most important political decisions get made.

I never noticed any of the shirts, ties, walks, etc. All I noticed was what they said.

[mosesmom]

I strongly suggest that you watch their body language. It speaks volumes. Treat yourself to a long,detailed look at Barack. He is truly easy on the eyes. Very presidential, calm, and thoughtful...

[wolfgangmo]

The problem with being superficial is that then one tend to vote superficial. We do not take voting seriously in this country. Most other industrialized nations actually make it a national holiday on voting day. That is why they tend to have high turn out rates ... because they make it easy.

All of this leads to us electing an idiot in chief [twice!] who promptly drove the country off a cliff. No wonder American's are considered shallow. We are.

[canuck4barack]

With the way the economy is going, there may be lots of people not working on election day. Expect a big voter turnout.

[Kelra]

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I admit to having lingering giggles over how much of myself I recognized in Nora's perspective.

[cdawson65]

Nora Ephron has it exactly right--sad as it may be, these things matter. Only, for every person who prefers Obama's look, there is another who likes the rumpled, unpretentious look of the thrown-together McCain ensemble. I can't imagine who that other person might be, but s/he is certainly out there. I understand the urge to shallowness, being mostly shallow myself.

http://c-dawson.blogspot.com/2008/09/shove-me-out-of-shallow-water.html

[elmoor]

Superficial, yes. We all are.

Whomever is chosen will making superficial impressions to leaders all over the world.

I personally would like that impression to be a strong, positive one.