Thinking About Bill

As I listened to Sarah Palin's recent phone call with "Nicolas Sarkozy," I couldn't help thinking about Bill Kristol.

I think about Bill Kristol far too much. I almost never used to. Before he began writing his Monday column in the New York Times, I rarely saw him on television. Whenever I did, I was mostly mesmerized by his uncanny resemblance to Bob Woodward (whom he no longer resembles) and his incredibly self-satisfied, smug, smirky demeanor. It was my theory that his need to please the Republican White House -- a need that seemed to trump his alleged intellect and even the factual evidence on hand -- must stem from some unresolved issues with his father, the famous Irving Kristol, one of the first neo-conservatives. But I didn't dwell on it, because I saw so little of him. And in any case, I truly couldn't stand him. I just couldn't stand him.

I don't enjoy being in this position. I much prefer to be perversely fond of people others find problematic. I am crazy about Pat Buchanan, for example, and I have fantasies of following him around for a day in order to find out what it's like to never ever be off the air. I am utterly entranced by Keith Olbermann, and I watch his show in much the same way others go to hockey games. Don't get me started on Chris Matthews: I am practically in love with the guy. But it seemed impossible to find a way to like Bill: he was just too irritating.

And then, unaccountably, amazingly, astonishingly, he was hired by the New York Times to write a once-a-week column. You cannot imagine the thrill of horror that passed through New York on hearing the news. The Times already had a conservative columnist (of whom I was already perversely fond), and one conservative columnist was quite enough, thank you. Then Kristol's column began. I read it religiously every Monday. And slowly but surely, I became infatuated with him. How could I not? The man could not write his way out of a paper bag. His column was simply awful. Reading it was like watching someone dance on the head of a pin: his need to prove to his base that he hadn't gone over to the other side was so strong, his need to please his constituency was so moving, that I began to wish he would quit his job as editor of the Weekly Standard and become a Times columnist full-time. It was certainly not going to inconvenience him: the column couldn't have been taking him more than about twenty minutes to write. And it was great having him there, visible, so people like me could see what people like him were like. He was wrong about everything. It was such a comfort.

In recent months, I have thought about Bill more and more. Every time someone turned over a rock, he crawled out from under it. In Jane Mayer's recent New Yorker piece on Sarah Palin, for instance, he turned out to be the man who'd discovered Palin, during a cruise of Alaska, and brought the news of her potential stardom back to the New World. And of course he was one of the reasons why we'd gone to war in Iraq. Iraq. Sarah Palin. The man was uncanny. Last week I watched him on Jon Stewart, insisting that McCain might yet pull an upset. "It's not a psychodrama," he said. "It's only an election."

People like me sometimes wonder what it would be like to be involved in mistakes that end up killing people; we wonder about sleepless nights and remorse and guilt. Bill Kristol exists to remind us that these are pathetic liberal fantasies, and that some people are never sorry. Only last week I saw Kristol on television continuing to defend Sarah Palin: she was a bright woman, he was saying, who'd simply been mismanaged by the McCain campaign.

Which brings me back to Sarah Palin's radio phone call with the Canadian comedian who pranked her into thinking he was Nicolas Sarkozy. As I listened to it, increasingly horrified, I couldn't help thinking about Bill Kristol and hoping that somehow, he would have to spend eternity locked in a room listening to a continuous tape of it.

There are rumors that the New York Times is not going to renew his contract. I just pray they're not true.

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Comments

[Fremon]

A couple of points re Kristol. First, why was he given the status of an intellectual? I guess if one worked for the Washington Times that would qualify in relation to the others working there. Loved his rationale about Iraiqis having no history of suicide bombings so there would be nothing to worry about it that country. Who reads the Washington Times beside Cheney and the administration who also listen to Fox. With that kind of information sources, one could understand why this administration was basically incompetent. How could one get usable information from that paper and the likes of Hannity, et al? I don't think so! Ideology has to be measured against success to be worthwile, so I guess this administration's ideology was found wanting and non-productive.
The other point I have noticed is the smirk/smile kristo exhibits when engaged in TV debates/or conversations seemingly done to disparage the value of the opposite side's commentary. Frankly, I think Obama in his debates with McCain offered some well placed wonderful smiles that spoke, to me, as saying "what a bunch of crap" then proceeded to give his response. Well done Obama. Give them a taste of their own hubris.

[vontrapp]

Bill Kristol needs to write a new book:

How To Be Wrong About Everything And Still Get Paid: "How Cronyism Drives the Conservative Movement and Enables Failure".

[pro america]

Thanks for the chuckle vontrapp.

The GOP should slap your title on a manual and make it required reading--maybe they can pass it out at their rumored "summit."

I'm going to miss the Palin sideshow--when has the presidential elections been so kick-in-the-gut funny? I never thought SNL would find a better comic foil than Bush 2...

[misterz]

I think the GOP should send Kristol to Alaska to get those clothes back from Sarah. Today I read they were sending lawyers up to get the big bucks wardrobe back and since Old Bill was the one who "discovered" Sarah, he could at least help the Rethugs deal with that mess. Isn't it just deliciious?

Thanks for the laughs, Nora. It'sgreat to be able to REALLY laugh again. Another thing to thank Barack Obama for, I think....making us all feel better and able to laugh again, despite all the problems we face.

[yellowdoggie]

Nora Ephron, I am a straight, middle-aged woman, and I am in love with you.

[supervoter]

Take a number.

[ciarrai]

What's the capital of Africa?

[kjstjohn]

LOL! Who is Miss Africa?

[Fussbucket]

That's an easy one. A!

[pro america]

This is one of 'em "gotcha" questions, right?

[jaielaw]

In what respect, ciarrai?

[Atomicjim]

Paris, France.

[Hedgehog]

Kristol drove me crazy, too...jaw-grinding in front of the TV when he was on. And if you think he's maddening, try reading Jonah Goldberg's op/ed in the Los Angeles Times without screaming in frustration and dazzled by his venom. The LAT should drop him; he doesn't reflect a pathetic effort by this Sam Zell/Chicago Tribune-owned emasculated paper's attempt at "balance".

[GaiaTerra7]

This crowd had a permanent smirk for the past few years/months while they were wrong about everything. I won't miss Vaders', Dumya's or Sarah's oblivious meritless arrogance.

[Davwbaird]

They self ignite.

[morris1030]

Now we know that Palin does not even know that Africa is a Continent....or what countries comprise North America. The response of the GOP base to someone so totally unprepared shows how ignorant and unawaret he right wing and Evangelicals are. As for Kristol, he hasn't even the decency to be embarrrassed. His columns are unreadable and laughable, and if this is one of the "intellectuals" of the right, they will be in the wilderness for a long time.

[plan9]

I buy the NY Times every day, but not Monday. Never, on Monday, on that day the Times smells like sulfur.

[imworking4me]

Bill Kristol is simply a Neo-Con, an ideologue from a politically bankrupt, and increasingly obscure "philosopyy".

[wherriott2]

"I couldn't help thinking about Bill Kristol and hoping that somehow, he would have to spend eternity locked in a room listening to a continuous tape of it."

He should have to listen to that tape AND the Katie Couric interview...

"when Putin rears his head.."

Oh brother!!!

Nice blog...thanks!

[Eusebio]

To know and think you do not know is the highest attainment. To not know and think you know is a disease.

[Keith52]

Not a disease. It's Bush, Palin, Kristol, Hannity, O'Reilly.... To know and lie about it, that's Rumsfeld, Rice, Cheney...

[bintalshamsa]

I love this quote.

[Jesster]

Nora, I feel your (Palin) pain and all the observations you make are Kristol Klear. Bill was one of the (many) reasons I mostly boycott Fox News (dangerously bad for my blood pressure...) and also why after 25 years I cancelled my subscription to the New York Times (except for Sunday's...)

I find his uber-smug arrogance and disturbing ignorance to be insufferable. But I suppose now that Obama has soundly defeated the Palin/McCain ticket (isn't that what she used to call it?) maybe I can learn to enjoy Bill Kristol again. It's worth a shot, if only for occasional comic relief.

[raviche]

Republicans destroyed their legacy by following neo cons ideas. Whatever inkling of a chance they had winning this white house was lost when listened to Bill Kristol another neo con. I hope this is the end of neo cons.

[Choicelady]

Not a prayer. They and the religious right met and melded in 1935, and we won't be rid of them any time soon. Too much money and power at stake. But we can assure that they have less and less influence over ANYTHING this nation does!

[cobobs]

Normal Republicans intend to continue cohabiting with neocons and religious rightists? Then they are going to be conflicted for ever.

[kicksave7]

A wise theory that Kristol suffers from a "daddy" complex...what really has angered me about him and others like him is their influence on policy, in particular, the War in Iraq. I would like to know if his children are in the military risking their lives. His arrogant smugness leads me to believe that despite all his chest beating that United States needs to be "spreading democracy" in the Middle East by force, his kids are comfortably and safely ensconced somewhere far from the battleground.

[thumper35]

I have often thought that if Kristol had been Japanese, his public disgrace might have led him to Hari Kiri; here, alas, it has just led him to a regular column in the NYTimes. I, for one, will not be disappointed if the Times does not renew his contract.