Finding Waldo

As almost everyone knows Waldo can be anywhere on a page in your "Where's Waldo?" book. If you're having a hard time finding Waldo, don't worry, you are not alone.

Fining Waldo has been a challenge for children and grown ups for a very long time, but I want to suggest a new game for "grown ups" that we call "Find the Violation, (FTV)."

The first part of our "FTV game is to ask you to identify which of the following violates any FCC regulation as it might pertain to depicting a bare behind, male or female.

In all situations, remember the existence of a Vchip in all sets sold since 2000, more or less as well as parental warnings.

In a book directed to children
In a book directed at adults
In a newspaper
In National Geographic
In Newsweek
On Broadcast Television at 5am with a parental warning
In the New York Times
On Broadcast Television at 5am without a parental warning
On the Discovery Channel at Noon with a parental warning
On PBS at 11pm without a parental warning
On HBO at noon with a parental warning
On Broadcast Television at 10pm with a parental warning
On MSNBC at 8pm without a parental warning
On the Hallmark Channel at 5pm without a parental warning
On the Playboy Channel at any hour?
On a highway billboard?

Give yourself two points for every violation that you find. If your total is more then six, you are in big trouble.

Ready with an answer as yet?

Did you FTV?

There should be a drum roll here please:

NONE of the depictions of a bare "ass" given above is a violation of the FCC rules.
However, notwithstanding any parental warning or the existence of the v-chip technology, the FCC will issue draconian fines for the depiction of a bare behind on broadcast television between the hours of 6am and 10pm.

In other words, when your kids get tired of trying to Find Waldo, and are desirous of seeing a naked behind between the hours of 6am and 10pm, tell them that they should most certainly not tune into Broadcast television, but watch only cable content.

As a child growing up I was denied pictures of naked women and had it not been for National Geographic I would not have known why women had "bulges" above the waist that most men did not have.

My friends and I would look at pictures of bare breasted black women in National Geographic and wonder if white women had breasts as well.

Do you think that is why I still subscribe to National Geographic?

Watch these pages for Part Two of our FTV series. `
If you failed this FTV test, you should be forced to program the V-chip that is included in your television set.

Norman Horowitz
Still Looking for Waldo

Comments

[BusGreg]

America has it's collective head so far up it's collectve ass when it comes to morals, it is pathetic.
Immoral: Bare Butt
Moral: A war we were lied into and killed more Americans than 9-11
Immoral:Janet's Dairy
Moral: Gang violence packaged as News
Give me a break!

[DemandTruth]

Give me the bare asses on any channel at any time! That would be a hell of a lot better than having to see Dr. 90210 cutting into bare breasts - bloody, gorey, real-life cutting on naked breasts with quivering skin peeled back and sucking tubes inserted everywhere - violating my sensibilities even when I just catch a glimpse while switching channels! Absolutely disgusting. The bloody breast surgery AND the double standard.

[whillice]

What? I have to program my Vchip now?

Aww, but I didn't want to abrogate my parental responsibility to a piece of technology just yet.... some of us like to watch tv with our kids and limit their exposure instead of acting like a nation of uptight red state biddies over shows that no one in our household watched.

When they start showing bare asses on Disney Channel or Yo Gabba Gabba I might get upset, but until then (or my kids start trying to watch Nip/Tuck) ......