THE BLOG
08/02/2013 11:16 am ET | Updated Oct 02, 2013

How to Turn an Apple Believer to Android in Ten Minutes or Less

Dear apple geniuses, misfits, the very ones who are "not fond of rules"*.

If you looked at my apple ID, I think you'll notice I'm not your worst client. Au contraire.
In the last couple of years I purchased a few dozen apple devices, and that's before software, apps, iCloud, and the continuous bloodbath on iTunes after my daughter cracked my password again. So forgive me for imagining you, an apple "Round peg in a square hole", thinking to yourself: "this Oren is a pretty good customer... actually, if he was the average apple client, the stock would be way over $1000 and we'd all smile every time we drove by Mountain View. Perhaps we should ask him if he's alright? Offer him some incentive or recognition? Let him know we're here for him?

Nope. No such thinking seem to exist at your company, and for a good reason. In the good days of your cult, when the prophet was still with us, our mental P&L accepted the apple formula of "We come up with amazing new products, and you pay an arm, leg and a kidney, and never ever question the faith." I guess when you stopped (paused?) delivering on your end of the deal I also started to look at mine. Even with that formula falling apart, I still think your company and your products are far better -- my macbook airs, iPads, apple TV's and yes, even my iPhone 5 are all in my opinion (still) better than their competitors.

So why talk Android? Because you insulted me and my intelligence. I bought one of the very first iPhone 5's and unfortunately smashed the screen. I then went to an apple store where they asked for $400 for the repair. I sighed, found a kiosk, and got it fixed for half. Two things happened since: you understood you need to provide a reasonable repair service and dropped the price to $150, and I managed to crack the screen yet again. This time I headed to the NJ Garden State Plaza store, and asked to pay for a new screen. Jovanie the genius was very cool and informed me he can't fix it because it's not the original screen. I asked why it mattered, and he replied that they "can't replenish the stock by sending back a non-apple screen." I felt he wasn't sure how to explain why he wouldn't service an expensive piece of hardware that reads "iPhone" on the back, so I asked to speak with the manager. Sure enough, Tim arrived, not displaying much of an inventory of good will or patience. As a matter of fact he was passive aggressive, delivering the polite by-the-book verbiage while being plainly rude. Tim couldn't give me a better explanation as to why the only alternative apple was providing was to buy a new iPhone. That's $600.

I asked again if that's all he could do to solve my problem, and Tim said he had nothing more to add. I updated him that as a (former) loyal client and fan, I intend to keep my iPhone cracked as a metaphor for our relationship, and replace it with an Android phone. He said he was sorry I felt this way, and I did not believe a word. Maybe he thought that my iPhone was contaminated, perhaps in your world it is blasphemy, this non-apple screen installed by non-apple non-geniuses. Maybe you don't know that it costs six-seven times more to get a new customer than to keep an existing one, or maybe Tim had a bad day. I don't care. All I know is I thought I we had a relationship and ended up feeling like I was asking Fox News to make a donation to the Weiner Campaign.

So I wanted to say goodbye and thanks for all the fish. I'm moving on. I also wanted to wish you luck; if my experience is indicative I think luck may come in handy soon. I'm planning to get the new google moto-x, or maybe the HTC1. If I don't like it, I'll consider going back to an iPhone, but I'm pretty sure it will be a very long time before I'll go back to being someone who cares for your company.

*from the 1997 "think different" apple ad campaign