1. Sign up to joke email lists and forward all of them to everyone you work with. They'll love you, and will become dependent on you for laughs.
2. Buy a cork board from your own money and hang it in the break room. Put up a note with a famous quote or saying, and replace it with a new one every single day.
3. If the last idea works (obviously it will!) and someone wants to contribute their own saying, bump your elbow to them and jokingly say "When you pay for a cork board, you can put up whatever you want on it, Ha Ha."
4. Always add "Ha Ha" when you make a joke to clarify that you are actually joking. Not everyone will get your subtle, sophisticated humor.
5. Show up in silly clothes on a Friday and tell everyone you thought it was "Casual Friday." It won't land the first time, but keep doing it until they'll start expecting it from you. Every Thursday night, when they hang out with their friends, they'll be thinking "Wow, I wonder what that guy will wear for work tomorrow. I bet it's a coconut bra. He's so Awesome."
6. Make chit-chat in the bathroom. Don't be a loner, show everyone you're friendly by talking to them while they're taking a dump.
7. Bring your own lunch. Co-workers will admire you for being able to cook for yourself. Prepare your strongest smelling meal, so the entire office will know you're an amateur chef.
8. If you can't share your lunch, heat it up in the common microwave. That way the smell of your wonderful dish will stick to everyone else's lunch and improve it!
9. Put a note with your name on your lunch. Add another note below it that reads "If you touch this -- you'll die. Ha ha."
10. Don't forget Ha Ha!! You don't want them to think you might actually murder them!
11. Always use two exclamation points. One is not enough. Three is too many. Always two.
12. Show everyone you're clean and hygienic by clipping your nails right there in the office.
13. Write a funny out-of-office email. Let everyone get a kick out of you even when you're on vacation. Like "I'm out of the office until Thursday -- and you're not! Ha ha! (Again, the Ha Ha is crucial. Maybe even throw in a third Ha for this.)
14. Bring your baby to work to show everyone you're a great parent. Who doesn't love kids? Especially on a long work day when they could get some serious face time with it!
15. Build a perfect reputation by showing up when you're sick. Sneezing in everyone's faces will prove how valuable you really are to this company.
Bonus Tip: Have a catch phrase. Everyone loves a guy with a catch phrase. If you can't come up with one, I've got two words for you: Celebrity Impressions.
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