Liberals Still Pretending Like They Might Not Vote for Obama

02/09/2012 04:03 pm ET | Updated Apr 10, 2012

A recent CNN poll found that 82 percent of registered Democrats are still acting like they're debating who they're going to vote for in 2012. The remaining 18 percent are so liberal that they feel it would be uncouth to pretend.

The poll asked 1,329 registered Democrats two questions. The first was, "Will you vote for President Obama?" Out of three possible answers (yes, no, still pretending), the majority of respondents admitted that they were still pretending.

"We need a bolder president that isn't going to offer the Republicans concessions every step of the way," said Natalie Smith, a registered Democrat who has voted Democrat 35 years in a row.

"Someone's that's not going to let healthcare bills get weakened by piling on amendments. Hmm, maybe Romney. Haha, just kidding. I can agree with Republicans here: Mormons are weird."

"He should have jammed liberal policy down the Republicans' throats when the Democrats had Congress," said Freddie Taylor, a hippie progressive left of Fidel Castro who recently joined the waning Occupy movement to score some marijuana. "I don't know, man, maybe I'll flirt with the idea of voting for an Independent or not voting at all before actually voting for Obama."

The second poll question was, "Seriously, are you going to vote for Obama?" One hundred percent of respondents said that they would.

Originally featured in The Daily Pygmy.