"Now that's a situation," said Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino in reference to the possibility of Earth gaining a new sun in 2012.
According to Dr. Brad Carter, Senior Lecturer of Physics at the University of Southern Queensland, Betelgeuse, a star only 1,300 light years away, could go supernova as soon as next year. When that happens, the nearby star will appear as a second sun in the Earth's sky for about two weeks, during which daylight may be unbroken.
"Two weeks of straight beach time? You know how many juicehead gorillas are gonna be out for this?" said JWoww, the show's buxom pugilist.
Following the supernova, a neutrino shower will bathe earth with "heavy elements" like gold, silver and uranium. Dr. Carter assured news.com.au that the particles passing through Earth will be completely harmless and could even benefit us.
"This takes GTL [gym, tanning, laundry] to a whole new level," said DJ Pauly D.
The potential syncing of the supernova with the end of the Mayan calendar has doomsayers worried about the end of the world.
"Waaaaaaa," cried Snookie after learning of the potentially apocalyptic event. "At least we'll get really tan."
While the impending supernova has some worried about an extinction-level event, it has Jersey Shore executives very optimistic about a fourth season. The show broke another MTV record last week, delivering 8.6 million viewers and a 4.4 rating. in the adults 18-49 demographic.
"If this supernova happens next year, we'll easily break 10 million viewers," said a Jersey Shore producer. "It would be a once-in-a-lifetime tanning experience."
In a related development, George Lucas and a group of his acolytes, referred to as Lucasians, are calling for Earth to be renamed Tatooine.
Cross-posted at www.dailypygmy.com
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