02/22/2011 04:01 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Texas Allows Nukes on College Campuses

With strong support from the state legislature and Governor Rick Perry, a law allowing college students and professors to carry tactical nuclear warheads on campus is likely to pass.

Supporters of the legislation say that the measure will help prevent violence at schools, with State Senator Jeff Wentworth telling reporters that, "Kids will think twice before attacking their fellow classmates when they know that they and everyone within a 30-mile radius could be blown to smithereens."

Texas is home to 38 public universities and more than half a million students. When this law passes, it is feasible that Texan civilians would eventually possess more nuclear weapons than any government in the world. Since non-proliferation agreements like START (recently signed by Russia and the United States) pertain to sovereign nations, those same limits cannot be imposed on individual citizens.

Opponents of the law say that allowing nuclear weapons on campuses sets a dangerous precedent.

"The law doesn't allow college kids to drink alcohol, but it's going to let them carry nuclear weapons?" said Lloyd Doggett, house representative of the 25th district of Texas. "All it takes is one drunken kid pissed about an A&M loss for us to lose College Station."

Ryan Starks, University of Texas student body president, offered the following solution: "Lower the drinking age."

The following are other laws in varying stages of the legislative process in the state of Texas:

• Eye For A Head Bill: A bill that will allow Texan citizens to respond to personal attacks with exponential force in the name of self-defense. For example, exponential force in the case of libel is battery; in the case of battery, it's death.

• You Look Funny Bill: A bill that will allow citizen deportations of people that appear to be "un-American" either by virtue of citizenship status or character. An example of the latter is someone that doesn't like ketchup or barbecue.

Originally featured in

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