Nonconformists across America have been lambasting Valentine's Day for years, citing rampant commercialism and herd mentality as reasons for its poverty of coolness. Today, however, nonconformists across the country agreed that Valentine's Day is fashionable again.
Nonconformists say that Valentine's Day is à la mode now that the majority of the population feels that it is un-cool.
"It's basic nonconformist theory," said Tyler Morgan, a college sophomore who only listens to music no one has ever heard of. "As soon as more than half of people feel one way about a certain phenomenon, you, as a nonconformist, are required to feel the opposite way."
Nonconformists are expected to come out in droves for the amorous holiday tonight. Some believe that they will interpret the holiday differently, by attending the séances of star-crossed lovers or organizing chocolate truffle purging contests, but others think that they will engage in all the traditional activities of Valentine's Day, like having candlelit dinners or watching romantic comedies.
"You can't be anti-Valentine's and then become pro-Valentine's by changing it," said high school senior and Tin House reader Jade Gibson. "It flies in the face of everything we know about nonconformity."
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nonconformists constitute 63% of America.
Originally featured in dailypygmy.com