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What Single Moms Really Need This Mother's Day

Posted: 05/07/10 04:35 PM ET

Ten million American women are raising children on their own. On this Mother's Day, we should thank these hard-working moms and look to what we as a society could be doing to improve their lives, and the lives of their children.

Today more than one in five American children (23 percent) lives in a family headed only by a mother. These 17 million children make up the next generation of Americans and they are their mothers are facing a steep uphill climb with little support from our nation's policymakers. One of the hard facts of life for single mothers today is that they must take care of their family on one, often very low income. Right now an unmarried woman -- a woman who is divorced, separated, widowed or single -- only makes 56 cents for every dollar made by a married man. The family income of nearly three in ten children living with a single mother is less than $15,000 a year.

Not surprisingly, then, the highest rate of poverty in the U.S. is in households headed by a single mother. Of all women living in poverty -- 75 percent are unmarried women. And this is despite the fact that more than half of single mothers in poverty are in the labor force -- either working or looking for work.

Further, in 2008, more than a third of single mother households and half of low-income single mother-households did not have enough money or other resources for food for their families. Indeed, more than four in ten "food-insecure" households with children under 18 are headed by a single mother.

These numbers are eye-popping and represent one of the biggest demographic shifts in the last 50 years. But our nation's policymakers have been slow to recognize or embrace this new family norm. Our policies are still being shaped by a definition of the family that does not reflect today's reality. Fact is the number of unmarried women and women-headed households is on the rise -- and the children they are raising are doing without basics: food, heath care, and housing.

We can do more to support the single moms raising our next generation, starting with providing the supports necessary for mothers who must combine working and caregiving. There is legislation before Congress now that would increase access to safe and affordable child care and to grants and tax credits that will help single mothers pay for higher education. There are also bills that have been crafted that would increase the economic security of these single mothers by raising the minimum wage and providing job training to help workers prepare for better jobs and careers. Congress also has the opportunity to pass legislation that would guarantee paid sick days for workers so that no mother--or anyone--gets fired for doing the responsible thing and caring for a sick child.

And, Congress has the power to give these women the best Mother's Day gift of all, and that would be to put an end to gender discrimination in wages and pass the Paycheck Fairness Act so these hardworking single mothers can bring home enough money to care for their families themselves.

 

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04:15 AM on 05/21/2010
Whether it is the current national economy or your own personal financial situation, you are likely going to face difficult financial times at some point in your life. Knowing how to handle this ahead of time will protect you from potential financial ruin.

http://www.singlemomfinancialhelp.com/
07:56 AM on 05/17/2010
Being a single mother is no small task. Financial help and planning is important at every stage of life but as a single mom you need to now consider your children in your planning as well. A few key things to keep in mind are your job situation, daycare expenses, medical expenses and the cost of education.

http://www.singlemomfinancialhelp.com/
08:16 AM on 05/09/2010
I must respectfully and brutally disagree with this article. My ex wife demanded sole custody and fought to the tune of about $100k to get it. She is a single mother by CHOICE. As for poverty? She makes about $60K in her normal job and another $20K tax free from me every year. Since our divorce 4 years ago she has received corrective eye surgery, a new $35K SUV, three new televisions, $20k in professional photography equipment, a finished basement, landscaping, new furniture, and probably much I don't even know about. As for public policy? If I don't continue to add to this extravagant lifestyle, I could have my bank accounts frozen, my taxes taken, my licenses and passport taken, my car taken, my home taken, I could even spend time in jail. So respectfully, I must raise the utter BS flag here. I like the huffington post, but please.
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memosyne
09:41 PM on 05/09/2010
I'm sorry you have an unfortunate situation. But most of these mothers cited in the article do not make 60K per year and most of the fathers of the children cannot or will not pay 20K per year.
There are plenty of women whose only gift from their involvement with a man is responsibility for his child without his help. Don't confuse one case with all cases.
I hope we will wake up as a nation and realize our young men and women need careful training on the responsibilities of parenthood and the need for serious family planning. We have such good contraceptive choices now, everyone should be able to make sure they are emotionally and financially stable before becoming parents.
Your comment sounds as if you are pretty self-centered and bitter.
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01:47 AM on 05/09/2010
As a single Mom I need the system to support my ability to care for my family single handedly . I live in Idaho and the judgement is for shared custody until you can prove otherwise. I didn't choose the cute one who ended up with mental issue's far beyond me on purpose. Oh wouldn't that be fun I AM NOBOdIES VICTIM !!!!Our culture has created pathes to prosperity for fewer and fewer people. If we are have nots it is because the HAVES HAVE IT ALLL !!!
12:35 AM on 05/09/2010
We do need to do more for all those "single moms". Afterall, in a state like Illinois, their ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends only send them $1.2 billion a year in Child Support. How can we expect single moms across an entire state to get by on just a little over a billion dollars a year?! - And what about the 5 or 6 laws that were passed over the past 5 years in Illinois creating greater and greater enforcement of Child Support payments? Some fathers are in prison and could be paying child support out of their prison-work checks! And remember, 4 out 5 single moms, according to the US Bureau of Census, have a live-in boyfriend or 2nd husband - So what about that 20% of single moms still LOOKING for a boyfriend? They need even MORE support!
08:38 PM on 05/08/2010
Warm wishes to all single parents this Mother's Day who persist in love, especially when there isn't enough energy, time, support, or food on the table. Single dad of special needs child here. Consistently under-resourced are we, but that will improve once his mom's multi-year alimony ends. I sleep well at night in the knowledge that he has a caring, responsible, loving presence in his life. Would it help to have just one month where there wasn't a utility disconnection notice? You bet. Have the sometimes intense feelings of anger and betrayal and resentment and worry helped me or my child? Lots of days, not so much. But in the long run, perhaps. We know what really matters -- giving and getting a hug, having a job, getting an education, helping each other and our fellows get through whatever comes -- one day at a time -- and never passing judgment on others. Maybe next pay we'll get some ice cream. We can wait. We've got each other.

My sister always sends me a Happy Mother's Day card. She says I deserve a nod on both days. Pretty neat.
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memosyne
09:44 PM on 05/09/2010
Great post: there are men and women involved in managing difficult lives with children. I hope your child knows what a great Dad he/she has.
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ramblin jack
07:11 PM on 05/08/2010
Women wanted the cake and to eat it too and now we get posts like this.
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lrobb
Gold Standard = four paws and a tail
07:08 PM on 05/08/2010
It is a simple fact that most young people up to about 25 (and many far older) don't have the insight, experience or patience to do the required and un-romantic homework of comparing the values, interests and goals of their boyfriend/girlfriend to their own. They fall in love before they fall in like.

When we get our first drivers licence we are required to prove we know how to safely operate a vehicle. Unfortunately there is no requirement to prove we can successfully manage a relationship to get a marriage license. Proof of pre-marital counseling should be a manditory requirement. While this would do nothing to stem the number of out-of-wedlock births, it might cut down the number of divorces.
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tnlcallen
03:09 PM on 05/08/2010
Definitely a problem that needs dealt with. Single motherhood is the road to poverty, and poverty is the road to crime.
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FearlessFreep
A radical leftist with a JS Woodsworth avatar.
12:41 PM on 05/08/2010
"But we can do something about it." Some people's idea of doing something about it is preaching marriage.
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tnlcallen
03:14 PM on 05/08/2010
People in committed relationships live longer and have higher incomes. Their children are better adjusted, and less likely to turn to crime.
11:08 AM on 05/08/2010
I just don't think this is an appropriate role for government, and certainly not on the national level.

Taking care of the human needs of people should be provided through voluntarism and charity within the community, not through establishment of an always corrupted and coercive statist apparatus.
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Sandra Larsen
Planet Steward
02:34 PM on 05/08/2010
So how then, do you feel about the millions of immigrants who enter this country illegally and are rewarded with US taxpayer dollars for food, shelter, medical, etc.?

If we could get a handle on enforcing the laws and protecting our borders, there would be more money to care for our own and THEN we can look at giving charity and volunteerism to these foreigners. Do you feel that it should be a crime for our tax dollars to be given away thusly?

PS: What kind of volunteerism and charity are you involved in?
09:32 PM on 05/08/2010
I don't really like the mass welfare state concept, regardless of who it is giving money to, be they rich or poor.

And I don't personally give to any charity at this time, since I'm on a thin edge of homelessness and destitution at the moment. But I do and have helped members of my family with housing and other stuff. Maybe if the society was richer, and less of our efforts were being redirected to assorted boondoggles like wars of choice, there'd be more opportunity, and wealth here at home and I'd be in a better position to give to charity.
11:00 AM on 05/08/2010
When you subsidize something, you get more of it. These policies are a subsidy to broken families, ensuring a rich future filled with more of the same.
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tnlcallen
03:07 PM on 05/08/2010
Interesting theory. Supply and Demand.
06:49 AM on 05/08/2010
#1 thing that single mothers need to ensure they and their children have a stable life...a husband. There will always be anedotes about poor husbands, poor mothers, and lousy people in general. We all wish that these miserable people would stop breeding indiscriminately, but it will continue to happen on some level. But the fact is that married couples are more stable financially, are less likely to be homeless, file for bankruptcy, lack access to health care, and on...and on...and on...This responsibility to marry when (preferrably before) having children falls on men and women equally and falls on this society to acknowledge that single parenthood is not a good thing in of itself. It's sad to see that nearly half of all children born last year were to single mothers. I'm sure many of these mothers (and the fathers that shared in the impregnation) may believe they have good intentions. But the fact is that they have set themselves and their children up for a life of want and instability. You can respond all you want with the "I know a..." and "I'm a...." nonsense all you want. It doesn't change the fact that married couples will always do better. Children born to married couples will always do better. Start with the root cause and cure the disease, stop trying to merely treat the symptom.
ThoughtShaman
Compassion is the highest virtue
10:38 AM on 05/08/2010
"We all wish that these miserable people would stop breeding indiscriminately, but it will continue to happen on some level."

Well said there, even if it is harsh.

However, it isn't marriage that creates a stable family. It is that responsible people are more likely to make a relationship (or marriage) last a long time. Marriage is a cultural construct that formalizes the notion of a stable relationship - you don't need to be married to be responsible and have a stable family unit.
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thielemania
Mom, widow, writer, read more at http://widowislan
05:48 PM on 05/08/2010
what if you have all that and then your husband dies? - not so easy to fix - single parenthood is a complex issue not easily fixed by someone telling us to get husbands. Thanks for reminding me that my children will be disadvantaged because my husband died and they no longer live with a married couple.
06:10 AM on 05/08/2010
We are reminded, repeatedly, that having a child is 100% a "women's right to choose". If they have 100% of the choice, must they not then have most of the responsibility? I've known several women that have "serial children", with casual male acquaintences, beacuase the guys were "cute", they like to have kids, and they count on taxpayer support. If having these children are these women's right to choose, must not they also bear the primary responsibility? The responsibilty for choosing to retain custody of the child. while choosing not to sue the father for child support? The responsibility for "pulling a Sandra Bullock" and hooking up with a good looking, exciting "bad boy" loser not at all suitable for providing for a family?

If the resulting lives for these women are difficult, well duh they made their bed now they must lie in it. Any simpathy I have is for they children, who didn't choose to be brought into this situation. Any government programs should be structured to best support the children, and attempt tp make the best of the situation they find themselves in.
ThoughtShaman
Compassion is the highest virtue
10:25 AM on 05/08/2010
Fanned, I understand exactly your point.

It is possible that a woman can end up a single mother even if they consider all options and do the right things. However,...

I find several women picking the cute irresponsible guy to breed with, and then either end up as single mothers or find a poor geek schmuck to take care of of the love child. Women discounting 50% of the human population's perspective is as authoritarian as men in previous centuries preventing women from voting and treating them as second class people.

I am not fighting a patriarchy to replace it with a matriarchy. Women need to pay attention to whom they have children. If they feel compelled to "date" the irresposible "cute guy," at least make sure that no child results (birth control, or if that fails abort).
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ADVOCATE4ZPG
09:21 PM on 05/07/2010
They COULD choose marriage instead of merely BREEDING. Also, it would dignify their status somewhat to refer to themselves as "mothers" rather than the vapid-sounding "mom".......
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Aranxa
Have fun storming the castle!
02:14 AM on 05/08/2010
Excuse me, but many DID choose marriage and their deadbeat husbands walked out leaving the mothers to mop up and carry the load when the husbands took off to avoid their responsibilities.
12:30 PM on 05/08/2010
2/3rds of all divorces are initiated by women.
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memosyne
09:50 PM on 05/09/2010
Could they choose marriage? Has our culture promoted sexual irresponsibility for both men and women? These problems are shared by all of us. It costs $60 thousand to keep someone in prison. I want better education for all our young people, including education in choices in life. We can't have a good society without people who are physically, emotionally, and socially mature and healthy. How can we get there? There must be some positive ideas out there, rather than just the same old blame.