THE BLOG
05/04/2014 11:45 am ET Updated Jul 04, 2014

The 5 Stages of Going Paleo

Anyone that has ever done a Paleo challenge (or just dove in head first like me... not my finest moment) will tell you how amazing you will feel and how great it is, but I have never been one to sugar coat things. There are times when you are going to want to rip out your hair and cry because someone offers you a cookie and then says, "Oh wait, you can't, you are doing that diet thing..." So because I am nice, I have compiled the five stages of what it's like to go Paleo. You're welcome.

Stage 1: Curiosity. You hear people at the gym talking about how good they feel and look since they have gone Paleo, and they all tell you, "OMG, you have got to try it!" You don't really know much about this whole Paleo thing, but how hard could it be, right?! Right. Just remember that old saying: Curiosity killed the cat.

Stage 2: Excitement. Your gym is having a Paleo challenge, and you're going to KILL it! It's all or nothing -- you're going for the gold. Besides, all of your friends are doing it, so why not? In fact, you are going shopping right now and throwing out all of the "non-Paleo" food you have kicking around in your house. You won't be swayed by temptation!

Stage 3: Withdrawals. It's a little over week into the challenge, and you can't understand how the hell you can be so hungry all the time when you eat at least every hour; and for crying out loud, why hasn't someone brought you a pot of coffee yet? You feel like you haven't slept in weeks even though you got a solid eight hours last night and all you want to do is eat some warm, melty cheese. Who forced you to do this horrible thing to yourself?!

Stage 4: Resistance. It's a few weeks into the challenge, and you are starting to feel pretty awesome! Except your coworkers keep bringing in brownies and cookies. Don't they understand the struggle you are going through?! You want to stuff the whole tray of brownies into your mouth and run out of the office crying tears of joy, but you can't possibly give up now -- you are going to win this challenge remember?

Stage 5: Beast Mode. It's the end of the challenge, and you feel fantastic! You're KILLING workouts at the gym -- you are invincible. Just try and stop you -- it can't be done! You can't understand why you haven't done this sooner and can't imagine ever eating "regular" food again. You may not have won the challenge (you swear the winner cheated points -- remember when you saw her drink some Gatorade in the gym?) but you obviously will next time!

To celebrate your victories, you go out with your friends and have nachos and ice cream, because you deserve it, damn it!

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