You change for one of two reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you've been hurt enough that you have to. -Unknown
For me, it was hurt that fueled my need to change, not only by ending my marriage but by changing some things about myself as well. While my ex-husband's abusive behavior contributed to the demise of our marriage, I realized my own behaviors were allowing this abuse to continue -- and probably attracted it in the first place. These behaviors were clear indications that I lacked any boundaries and so, with help, I finally began to establish them. Once I established and upheld them, it was easier to get out of the marriage. And as time went on, I discovered an added bonus to establishing healthy boundaries: I could finally attract the right partner who would allow me to experience the relationship of my dreams.
Healthy boundaries are a set of physical, emotional and psychological limits that you establish and expect others to respect and adhere to. Without clear boundaries, you may end up being treated with disrespect, dishonor and be devalued in your relationship. With that kind of unyielding treatment, you will surely have little or no sense of self-worth. That was my personal experience in my marriage. I was hurt enough that I knew it was time to change something in order to live a happier, healthier life. I learned the hard way just what behaviors I was exhibiting that were allowing this type of treatment to continue. Here are some of the behavioral warning signs of a lack of healthy boundaries:
Lack of boundaries injures your self-esteem, sense of self-worth and your spirit. You begin to believe that you aren't worthy or important. You may render yourself powerless and continue to allow yourself to be treated with disrespect. You may even become despondent or depressed. But this doesn't have to go on forever. The damage that is done from not setting and upholding healthy boundaries is reversible with guidance, counseling and healing. Be clear about where your boundaries lie and you may find, as I did, that you can not only live a healthy and joyful life, but also have a fulfilling relationship after all.
Pamela Dussault, creator of www.PassageToInnerJoy.com, is a spiritual teacher, mentor, intuitive counselor and medium, soul mate relationship specialist, founder of the R.E.A.P. healing method, and author.
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