Congratulations! Your Failed Marriage Is Your Ticket To A New Soul Mate

05/03/2012 01:09 pm ET | Updated Jul 03, 2012

Get ready. There will be a time when a new soul mate is going to walk into your life.

Wait... what?

Okay, let me repeat that slowly: You thought there was only one, right? Wrong. Not only is there more than one, but there are also different types. This is good news for divorcees who believed their ex was their one and only soul mate.

Let me explain. A soul mate is a person who comes into your life at a specific time to awaken your soul and teach you the lessons you need to learn. These lessons help you grow and mature, which is one of your life's major purposes. The benefit of this growth is to help you realize and then express the amazing person you truly are.

Because you have many lessons to learn, you have more than one soul mate to teach you. Of course, soul mates don't teach you directly, they teach you through the nature of the relationship. If the soul mate relationship is unhealthy, unstable, immature and weak, the learning will come from experiencing pain and difficulty. On the other hand, if the soul mate relationship is healthy, strong, mature and cohesive, the learning will come in a much more grounded, graceful and easy way.

Chances are if you're reading this, you've experienced the latter.

Here are 3 tips on how you can increase your chances of achieving a happy, mature and harmonious soul mate relationship next time around:

Take Time To Heal. Too many people rush off to find a new partner thinking it will take away the pain. This doesn't work and it is a sure-fire way to repeat another unhappy outcome. Don't be afraid to take your time with your healing process. This is an auspicious time for doing some very important inner work. Work through the grief, loss, pain and sadness. I recommend you approach your healing from a mind, body and spirit perspective. If needed, seek psychological support or try alternative healing therapies for healing your mind and emotions. Eat nourishing and healthful foods, exercise daily and get enough rest. Pray, meditate and seek a higher understanding and purpose to promote your growth.

Love Yourself. This is a big one. You really can't love or receive the love you want until you love yourself unconditionally. Self-love is a very healing experience. It speaks to your inner child who just wants to be loved and it can bring about a great deal of contentment, too. Start by replacing negative thoughts about yourself with loving ones. Use self-love affirmations to help you. Self-love supports you in being confident and independent. When you love yourself unconditionally, you no longer need validation from others and this is the exact position you want to be in for your next soul mate relationship.

Learn from the past. This is the most crucial step to increase your chances of having your next soul mate relationship being the one you want. You need to really make sure you understand what your soul's lesson was and recognize the growth and maturity you gained. The quickest way to get to the heart of this begins with asking yourself some questions. Why and how did you get involved in your previous relationship? Why and how did it end? What beliefs and behaviors did you have that hurt you or hurt your relationship? What are some new beliefs and behaviors that you have adapted that are supportive? Hint: If you haven't changed any beliefs or behaviors, you haven't learned anything.

Learning lessons and growing is good for us even though we often resist it, kicking and screaming the whole way. I understand -- been there and done that. However, looking back I can honestly tell you I'm so happy I learned what I did and that I have grown into the person I am today. You will too, I am sure of that.

Pamela Dussault, creator of, spiritual teacher, mentor, counselor, author, soul mate relationship specialist and founder of the R.E.A.P. healing method.