THE BLOG

The First Building Block of Conscious Relationships

02/24/2015 03:42 pm ET | Updated Apr 26, 2015

The source of all creation is pure consciousness . . . pure potentiality seeking expression from the unmanifest to the manifest. And when we realize that our true Self is one of pure potentiality, we align with the power that manifests everything in nature. -- Deepak Chopra

The way to a joyful, loving and fulfilling union starts with the self. Who-you-really-are, deep at the core of your being, is essential to be in touch with in order to then establish the soul-based partnership you desire. However, discovering who you really are isn't always that easy. Our ego-mind loves to distort the truth in ways that either makes us better than or less than others. I found that this search for who-you-really-are becomes much easier if you first clarify who-you-are-not. You need to peel away any false layers to reveal the real truth hidden within.

Clarifying who-you-are-not means to become aware of your attachments to your identity. Identities are often labels we assign to ourselves for good or for bad. These labels may have been in place since childhood or perhaps they are newly assigned. Either way, we inadvertently assume the characteristics of these labels and relate to others from that identity. For example, let's say that at one time you were betrayed by a past lover. As a result, you labeled yourself as "betrayed". You may have moved on from this lover and are now in a new relationship. But you don't forget that betrayal or the pain that came with it. Every once in a while your new lover says or does something that triggers this memory and soon you begin to feel like you are in the midst of that same scenario all over again. Emotional drama ensues and leaves both of you wondering, "What just happened?" What happened was you were assuming the identity of "betrayed" because that is what you labeled yourself as long ago. "Betrayed" is not who you are, it was just a past experience.

We go through life creating these assumptions of who we are based on our experiences. How somebody treats us is never personal. It's merely a reflection of their own reality from which they have created based on their attachments to their identity (that's not to say that it is okay for somebody to treat you poorly - remember it's an act of self-love to establish boundaries).

Not all labels are bad - in some cases they may even be beneficial. Either way, we easily attach our identity to them which does not serve the relationship you desire. So how do you detach and let go? Start by setting aside some time where you can be undisturbed while you try this exercise:

  1. Go to a sacred space (or create your own - learn how by reading this.
  2. Make a list of all the labels you have given yourself based on your experiences
  3. Make another list of all the labels other people have given you
  4. Imagine that your core (your torso) is a giant container holding each one of these labels
  5. Imagine that you are letting go of each label and putting it into the God of your choice's hands
  6. As you let each one go, see your core container becoming clean and pure
  7. This clean and pure core container is now only filled with infinite creative energy - much like that of the God of your choicee
  8. You are now aware of who-you-really-are: infinite creative energy = pure potentiality

It is only from here, from this awareness of who-you-really-are that you can authentically relate to your partner. It is also only from here that you can create the relationship that you desire.

We drag so much baggage from the past into our relationships, and even some from the present too. Getting back to the basics, back to who-you-really-are helps to establish and align your relationship goals by giving your relationship that sacred, clean slate it requires to flourish.

Pamela's work with individuals includes one-on-one intuitive counseling, therapeutic body work and more. As a founder of the R.E.A.P. healing method, she has developed specialized healing meditations called "Transmissions" that are designed to assist people with letting go and more to bring about balance and peace. You can read more about these meditations here