One of my sexuality teachers, Dr. Joseph Kramer, always said this: "It's all in the invitation".
When it comes to all aspects of the relationship dynamic, it's all about this: How do we invite people into our lives? How do we invite people into our beds? How do we invite people into laughter and orgasm and safety and friendship? How do we invite people into doing business with us -- and come to our events and learn with us? How do we use our words, our actions, our very hearts to create the perfect invitation so that our people can find us and answer us?
And there is more! After that initial invitation -- how do we keep inviting? Because people need to be re-invited into our lives all the time. They are re-invited by inclusion, by loving words, by golden compliments, by the giving of attention and appreciation, and by offering consistency and dependability.
As a relationship and love consultant, I think that our ability to create an authentic, loving and welcoming invitation is the biggest key to so much that most of us want in our lives.
It's the first offering and every offering after that. If we can't authentically create a clear and loving invitation, people are not likely to respond and offer invitations back. People are not likely to stay in our lives. We may find that people are not offering an RSVP.
Mastering the gift of relationship (any relationship) begins with learning how to invite. And then of course, we need to learn how to accept. Because it's hard to keep inviting without hearing any kind of RSVP. And how we respond -- whether it's with a "Yes" or a "No" or even a "Maybe Later" -- determines how offers are made in the future.
It's a kind of an "Invitation Relationship Loop" of inviting, re-inviting, and accepting or declining -- each time. No invitations and no responses create numbness and endings.
So when was the last time you made a thoughtful and inviting invitation to someone in your life or to someone that you would like to have in your life? And if you are lucky enough to receive one, please RSVP!