As a relationship and sex coach, I watch men blow relationships even when they actually love and desire their woman.
How can we really want to be in relationship and yet make a mess of it?
1. You don't bring her your presence.
Presence is about attention and connection. Put down your phone and stop texting, scrolling Facebook, or reading email when you are sitting with her. You are dating her; not your smart phone. Feminine energy requires a certain level of attention, adoration and praise. Learn your woman. What does she need? A single compliment or a moment of complete attention may light her up for an entire day. Really. Do you have five minutes to gift her that? Yes, life gets in the way and men tend to be be focused on what they are focused on and this may mean that you overlook and ignore her. You also may feel so confident in her love for you that you take her for granted and put your attention else where.
This is true: If you fail to make her feel special and put "other stuff" or "other people" in front of her for too long -- your relationship will break down.
And it's also about the quality of attention. Women not only require connection, they want it with someone solid, grounded and centered. I often use the metaphor that the feminine is "The River" and the masculine is "The Banks". The feminine tends to flow in emotion and seek the presence of the masculine as a place to ground. For many women the hottest thing is a man who can navigate feminine energy and can hold steady. Once again, sexual energy is not politically correct.
As a sweeping generalization, the feminine is turned on by knowing that you can be her rock and that you are there. Every time, you act uncertain about your relationship, fearful or indecisive it breaks that connection and makes her lose her desire for you and even worse she can become untrusting.
When a woman loses her trust in the connection that her partner is offering her they can turn off like a light switch. Giving a woman consistent dependable connection is perhaps the biggest key to loving a woman. If you can't figure out how to create space in your life to offer this to your feminine partner you will lose her in body, mind and spirit. Guaranteed.
2. You lied to her.
Don't lie. She will find out. When you break trust with a woman; you rock her very foundation. Don't change the rules and pretend that you didn't. Don't make her think that she is crazy to protect your lies. Really. Don't screw with a woman's internal GPS. She will know on some deep core level that you are screwing with her and that will break down her ability to give you her gifts. Trust is critical. Don't mess with it. If you screw up; man up and own it.
3. Does she overwhelm you?
Most women I know are frightened of being "too big". That's because Feminine energy is big! And the sexier a woman is, the more alive she is in her feminine energy, and the bigger she will be!
The Feminine tends to navigate the world through emotion or "feelings". One minute she may be happy and the next minute she could be triggered by something and in a rant. Women can be a changing emotional weather pattern. And that does not make her "Bat Shit Crazy" even if it does not seem logical to you. It can be really hard for masculine energy which is far more compartmentalized and linear to follow along; but if you can you will be in for a heaping spoonful of passion, adventure, hot sexuality, and just plain fun. The feminine can bring color to the world of a man if he can meet her.
Don't tell a woman to be smaller. Don't ask her to stop feeling. Don't tell her that her interruptions are a bother. Do you really want to live in a world without color? The feminine brings the rainbow to the masculine status quo. Have you ever sailed a boat? You can't control the wind; and you can't control a woman. Not really. The feminine is all about flow. Sure you can try to shut it down and intimidate her but that will only work in the short term. A man who knows how to love a woman learns how to channel the wind.
4. You don't see her worth and what she can bring you.
We can all get very self-absorbed in various times in our lives and we don't see the support we are getting around us. The truth is that if your partner is very good at supporting you, you may begin to take her for granted. People tend to put their energy where they think they have to and if your woman is simply showing up and "doing it" you may forget what hard work that is for her. When was the last time you really said "Thank you" or wrote her a love letter of appreciation? If you don't make room for her, she will go.
Here are the cliff notes: If you want to be successful in love with a woman you need to do just a few things. You need to notice and acknowledge your woman. Don't' take her for granted and don't break trust with her. Don't try to fix her emotions or ask her to be smaller. Show up as the hero in her life. Try on the cape and the boots and leave wishy washy at the door.
She needs a rock not a sponge. Really.
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
