26 Not-So-Bad Things About The Bad Economy

1. Can stop obsessing about whether you might finally be upper class and go back to aspiring to upper middle.

2. Will lose all urge to secretly vote Republican.

3. That novel you always swore you'd write, if only you had the time? You have the time.

4. No need to hunt down the most distinctive artisanal cheese: Your new gastronomic thrill will be finding pork at 49 cents a pound.

5. Can once again stand to be friends with venture capitalists and hedge fund managers.

6. The overgrooming trend - professionally vacuumed pores, four-season pedicures, plucked-clean pudenda - will be reversed, leaving you to molt in peace.

7. Bottled water or tap? They'll give up asking.

8. No longer need to feel embarrassed about asking for cash as a gift.

9. Poverty is green! Reduce carbon footprint by wearing old clothes, driving old car, turning down heat.

10. Child will have much easier time finding great non-paying internship.

11. Will finally keep resolution to start using the library more often.

12. You know that over-glitzy Deep Gulch National Bank that weirdly sprang up on your corner? It won't be there much longer.

13. Ditto Gino, the old-timey shoe repair guy you feel guilty about never patronizing except he gives you the creeps.

14. Agonizing over whether to get divorced? Don't bother, you can't afford it.

15. Fewer kids named Tiffany, more named Cash.

16. No more pressure to carry a $1400 purse: The new status bag will be Whole Foods - oooh! - recyclable.

17. Can stop worrying about what bling is.

18. You just might possibly finally lose weight.

19. Much easier to get reservations at Per Se, if you can find somebody else to foot the bill.

20. All fur will henceforth be fake.

21. Complaining about being broke wins empathy, not scorn.

22. When you turn down the guy begging on the subway platform, you'll be able to look him in the eye.

23. Going off your meds to save the copay? You'll find plenty of company.

24. Public schools will now be filled with super-bright students and hyper-involved parents.

25. Should you move to the suburbs now that you have kids? Move back to the city now that the kids are grown? Stop debating: You're going nowhere.

26. Take notes: With any luck, you're developing some great stories with which to someday torture your children.

Pamela Redmond Satran is a developer of the baby-naming site nameberry.

Comments

[lolcopter]

#9 is actually a very good tip. Too bad you connect it to "poverty" instead of being a good person who reuses, reduces, and recycles.

You don't have to be poor to be smart about how we use our resources. New cars, new clothes, and bottled water are NOT GREEN. Besides, I'd rather have quality used clothing than cheap new crap from Wal-Mart.

(That being said, I don't buy used underwear or socks. Gross!)

[miastella]

Those few of us that never spiritually understood upward mobility and all the bling that went with it will be in vogue now. It's truly a shame that so many people are going to suffer through the process of loss and fear that comes with down-sizing by force. Fortunately, this too shall pass and hopefully people will find a sense of peace discovering that they can live with much less. In the mean time a little humor might help.

[anonimost]

Perhaps an examination will be in order to find out how a $1,400 purse was ever something worth purchasing.

I saw this happening around me, was angered by it but could not stop it and still got dragged down with it.

That's the problem with a society that is built on consumerism - completely unsustainable economy. Foolish - and "we" are supposed to the smart ones compared to those people over there in some other countries. Ha!

[jaxz]

I, too, found this post to be in very poor taste (no pun intended). I suggest you read Huffpost's Blogging the Meltdown. When you read what people are really going through, perhaps you won't be so concerned over what class you no longer fit into.

I clicked on this post looking for something uplifting. I'm disappointed that it was not.

[Shazzbot]

One link in the whole article, and it's to your own website? Cheeky.

And what an upper-east-side point of view. How about the rest of us? Don't we get a look-in? 'Not So Bad Things About The Economy'? Of course, losing one's job, and facing 30,000 other white-collar workers also out of work at this time, doesn't quite fit into this article's worldview.

I know this piece is supposed to be light-hearted, but it smells of the same 'let the eat cake' mentality that led us into the current economic flushdown. If you have endless savings and a secure job, sure, you can divert from the artisan cheese and look at pork for a steal. But you're forgetting the ever-growing multitudes who don't have any job, much less a secure one, and who are living off savings and praying desperately that the meltdown lasts less long than the retirement savings do. {screw retirement, we have to eat - pork - now}

[Donegal]

Great stuff!
Don't forget: No more worrying that someone will see you buying clothes at Walmart. Everyone will see you buying clothes at Walmart because they'll be doing it too.