Going Out: Prep Your Clutch 101

After five straight days of kicking keester and (neatly) taking names, the dull roar of your boss's machine-gun-texts, and the siren song of much-needed beauty sleep... sometimes it's easier to slink home into PJs than into the flirty fray of Friday nights.

But you're a fiercely feminine, take-no-prisoners, womanly workhorse who can Get. Things. Done. (We'll bet you whip up more on your morning commute than most men can muster all day). So gather up all your sassy stamina and slip into a pair of stilettos. Stick your sleepiness right where the sun don't shine. Your crew of cronies is waiting to shake a tail feather and they need your moves -- the way you shake it is second-to-none.

Now. What you wear is up to you (little black dress? satin short-shorts?), but what you tout in your clutch should be essentials only.

Whether you're a scintillating starlet headed to lush LA clubs or a beer-swilling beauty bound for some bad-ass NYC bars, here are a few suggestions from Party Earth that'll have you better prepared than a Girl Scout with a sling-shot:

The Purse...
Let's begin with the clutch itself. If a long night of dance floor debauchery is in order, forgo the chichi, gold-chained, look-at-my-Chanel route. Let's face it; you might lose it.

Instead, stock up on some tried-and-true clutches -- we recommend at least three -- that won't cost you more than 30 bucks a pop. Black, silver and gold go with just about every frock on the planet; if you're a glammy kind of gal, stick to a chic and simple affair. It's like your mama always said, 'when it comes to flashy flair, less is more.'

On the other hand, if you're a little black dress kind of lady, you can carry a clutch with some come-hither accoutrements (beads, flowers, and rhinestones) -- men are like randy crows -- they're a fool for something that sparkles.

Bottom line: Don't fret your pretty head about it too much. If tonight's the night you meet Mr. Right, he's not gonna notice the eight inches of leather that you're holding.

If he does... he's probably looking for Mr. Right too.

The Goods...
Think minimal. You don't want some bulging bag full of baloney that you'll never use. It'll make you feel like a grandma. There's a line between prepared and over-prepared and the latter ain't pretty.

Apart from the obvious -- a credit card, phone, ID, and 20 bucks in cash -- this is what you should bring to the club to sip some 'bub (sorry, we couldn't help it):

1. Mini-Bottle of Booze -- Pre-game on the go to get your engines started but only if you're cabbing it or someone else is driving.
2. Gum -- Because it tastes good and because you want him to think you taste good -- and smell good. In case you wanna pucker up before you turn into a pumpkin and head home, a little spearmint is a nice way to offset the sting of your martini-soaked tongue.
3. Mini Mascara -- Girls bathrooms be crazy and nobody likes a mirror hog. Re-fluffing your peepers is an easy, breezy way to revamp your look in 10 seconds flat. Plus, the flutter of some well-coiffed lashes never fails to woo the rougher sex.
4. Travel Size Perfume Bottle -- Pick up a couple of those little empties at your local drugstore to delicately drown your natural perfume (namely onion soup and garlic) with something a little fresher and come-close friendly. Just go easy there tiger. Ninety-nine percent of men would rather have their women smell a little musty than have their nostrils singed by overzealous dousing.*
5. Your Favorite Chapstick -- Lip gloss is sticky and gross. Slip a little Chapstick under or over your new heart-poundin' red lipstick to get a smooth, smooch-able look.
6. Bobbie Pins -- Because they're like having a pint-size beauty ninja in your pocket. They can fix nearly every hair dilemma, including the much-dreaded, gasp-inducing flat-hair syndrome.
7. Band-Aids -- Because those sky-high heels make you feel fierce. But vulnerable. Trot around the living room a few times and assess the rub-zones. Apply band-aids. Feel invincible. And bring some for your beloved broads you'll be taking the town with.
8. Pain Relievers -- Between the pounding music and six well-drinks, your morning is looking rougher by the minute. Stave off the eventual hangover with some preemptive Tylenol. It'll banish potentially puffy 'morning eyes' as well.
9. Roll-Up Flats -- Because you're heading to the taco truck down a cobble-strewn alley and feeling less than stable circa 3 a.m. Or maybe you're walking home with that hunky Tom Hardy lookalike and he keeps a brisk pace. Or, tsk tsk (woo-hoo!) you're doing the stroll of shame in the bright sunshine of Sunday morning and well, you might as well try to trick a few people into thinking you're just headed to brunch... in a party dress. Bottom line is, there's no reason to stay in those hell-some heels longer than you have to.

Everything we've rounded up is cheap and easy to replace so you can always have a trusty clutch at the ready. It frees you up to focus on more important things.

Like what's-his-name over there.

*We totally made that up. But it's true.

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Comments

[olddognewtrick]

11:34 AM on 06/26/2012

I think I would have used "tote" not tout?