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Patricia Aranka Smith Headshot

My Favorite Things, Kind of

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BLACK FRIDAY HOLIDAYS
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I can almost picture Robin Williams performing the boomer version of this classic song from The Sound of Music. Sing along! That's the spirit!

Shoppers on steroids
and family dysfunction
bankers who steal
without fear or compunction

High expectations
And songs I don't sing
This is the madness
The holidays bring.

[Insert, the hum, you know, the hum]

Rudolph and sleigh bells
And Snoopy and Santa
Way too much eggnog
Offset by Mylanta

Nonstop commercials
For things we don't need
This is just part of the holiday greed.

When the card swipes!
When the bill stings!
When my mood is mad,
I simply forget all the holiday bling
And then I don't feel so bad.

Overindulging
For one 12-day nightmare
Family reunions
I've done that and been there

Ringing up sales
for the crap we don't need
This is all part of the holiday greed

[Once more, the hum, oh yes, the hum]

Black and blue Friday
And fistfights for Xbox
Groupons and Kindles
And discounts for Botox

So much to look for
Right under the tree
Apps for the vegan
Who's now gluten free!

Like a dog bite!
Like a bee sting!
They can seem so bad.
I simply remember those gifts I won't buy,
And then I don't feel so sad.

Airports and traffic
And God-awful fruitcakes
Runways that close just because
Of three snowflakes.

Regifting presents
That nobody needs,
This is just something
The holiday breeds!

[The hum, the hum, you know, the hum]

Sugar and butter
And diets that taunt you
Shoulds and the shouldn'ts
That come back to haunt you

Tinsel and glitter
And snow we don't see
Now that there's Twitter
I don't need a tree!

When the card swipes!
When the bill stings!
When my mood is mad,
I simply forget all the holiday bling
And then I don't feel so bad.