Midlife Stress: The Cure for Five Kinds of Crazy

One day last week, I took the 11:50am train to Chicago for an 11:45am lunch. No, that's not a typographical error, nor are there any time-zone adjustments or wormholes in space involved. This clear case of mental meltdown is a symptom of an affliction I call five kinds of crazy. The irrefutable proof that life has spun out of control, or at least become blurred around the edges, is when you are:

1. Overcommitted and over-scheduled. While related, they are not entirely the same. The first is a state of mind that says "I can do it all." The second is the wildly insane attempt to bring the first into fruition.

2. Under-slept. Maybe you need eight hours, maybe you need six. My number is seven. When that turns into four, the circuits get a little frazzled.

3. Over-tasked. When the busy need to get going, they multitask. When the über-busy go crazy, they over-task. Think of an octopus jugging flaming soccer balls on a skateboard, backwards. Something is bound to slip and it's going to get messy.

4. Under-happy. Not unhappy, just not happy enough -- think periodically cranky, with intermittent periods of ennui.

5. Over-worried. The economy, world peace, that funny clicking noise in your car dashboard ... pick a topic and it's a reason to worry (especially if you are also showing signs of 1-4).

If you have at least three of these symptoms, you're probably feeling a little tense right now. If you scored a four or five, you are, well, me. I find it oddly comforting to know I'm not alone with my five kinds of crazy, but honestly, I don't want this to define my permanent state of being.

It does occur to me that five kinds of crazy may be endemic at mid-life. Perhaps being in the second half, we're trying to make up for all the goofing off we did in the previous four decades. Or, another euphemism for maturity may be having even more reasons to worry. Whatever the rationale, here are some antidotes to five kinds of crazy.

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• Learn To Say Maybe

  It's hard to say no right out of the gate, with all the guilt that comes with it. Saying yes all the time isn't the answer, either. Maybe lets you prioritize when your head is clearer -- or at least when your sister-in-law isn't staring at you with a signup sheet for the youth group car wash/garage sale/pig roast/steeplechase competition.

• Write It Down In Ink

  The crazier life gets, the more you need to be deliberate. Since I was on a real train last week and not Harry Potter's magical Hogwarts Express, I needed to write down on my calendar "time I have to leave" as well as "time I have to get there."

• Respect Reality

  Even we "plate-spinners" who are good at keeping everything moving in the air without dropping a single dish are governed by chronology and the laws of physics. Time, at least on this plane of reality, is pretty much standard for everybody. No matter how late you stay up, there are still 24 hours in the day.

• Embrace Your Humanness

  Unless you are a 12th century mystic, you cannot bi-locate. One place at a time, friends; that's how it works.

• Prescribe Fun

  Apparent oxymoron aside, I need to prescribe having fun because, otherwise, it doesn't happen. That insatiable beast known as work will just keep chomping on my leg. If I write down (in ink) on my calendar to visit a friend, stop by a gallery, or go to the farmer's market, it will happen. If left to its own organic, spontaneous unfolding, it won't--and that 52-page client white paper will just keep grinding its teeth on my shinbone.

 

Follow Patricia Crisafulli on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TrishCrisafulli

Comments

[pslcitizen]

08:52 AM on 08/09/2012

Keep it simple. Most things don't need to be that complicated or stressful.

[jf12]

10:26 AM on 08/07/2012

I think perhaps the craziest time for women is in their thirties, just going by my experiences. Whether it's hormones or what, it seems like that was the most harried indecisive unhappy period.

[Scarlett77]

08:49 AM on 08/07/2012

Get a puppy. I thought my kids were just trying to add to my work load. My kids are adults and the last one just moved out. They didn't want me to be alone. (Awww!) So, now I have this dog, more work..a little, but well worth the time spent potty training him and feeding him for in return is his happy, selfless tail wagging unconditional lover that is teaching me to stop and play. To spend time chasing bugs, just to see where they go. To pounce on opportunities to play in the garden, If it is work to garden and not joy you aren't doing it right or you are just doing it because someone says you are supposed to. STOP. No headstone ever says I wished I had spent more time at work. Think about it.

[Patricia Crisafulli]

07:59 PM on 08/07/2012

Have fun with the puppy! (I'm a cat owner, but my neighbors have a new puppy who is always happy to have "company" in the yard when she's out.) For me, it's about mindfulness, of recognizing when I'm "five kinds of crazy" and reminding myself that when things feel out of control, it's time for some self-care.

[Scarlett77]

12:08 PM on 08/08/2012

Thanks! I am having fun with him. He is great for making me slow down. I am ever mindful of "my Crazy" It's just amazing to me how the world doesn't fall apart when I stop and smell the roses so to speak. I was the "Super" mom and now I am much less super, suffer from congenital and hereditary heart issues and am more aware than ever that I am "old". At least from my children's point of view.I am glad for my opportunities crazy or not life...and we are valueable past what we do. What we do doesn't make us who we are..we do what we do because of who we are. So, even if you don't do anything you are valueable. That was the most freeing thing I had ever heard in my life. I enjoyed reading your piece and talking with you. God Bless.

[Clotus Jones speaks out]

04:18 AM on 08/07/2012

Patricia, the best thing you can do, if you haven't already done it, is to dump your husband and sue him for child support and alimony. Trust me, you'll get it. As an added bonus, if you allege abuse you can probably get the house and the bank accounts.

Then you'll be less stressed and more happy. That's it works in America.

[tiredofyou2]

01:17 AM on 08/07/2012

Why do people work so much? Some might have no other options. But for those who do have options, what's the motivation to create unnecessary stress? I understand that status and wealth drive some, but what drives others to over-schedule themselves if it's not a matter of survival?

[Patricia Crisafulli]

07:19 AM on 08/07/2012

Good point! Fear and scarcity thinking, perhaps (I better do all I can now because who knows what happens tomorrow). Overscheduling is not just work; it's the "other things" (read obligations) that we take on--some less joyful than others.

[sunflower12]

07:53 PM on 08/06/2012

All I can tell you: slow down, smell the flowers. It will pay off in the long run. No need to be on overdrive.
Switch the TV off, you will notice how fast you will become more peaceful.

[Patricia Crisafulli]

08:10 PM on 08/06/2012

Amen to that! Earlier this evening, I logged off the computer and worked in my garden. Even pulling weeds seemed restorative. (Of course, I've logged back on again...but at least I had my floral therapy for the day.)

[AZlib918]

01:59 AM on 08/07/2012

That is so true--when I was home on extended unmployment, I stopped watching the local news, and would pick and choose the new shows I actually watched. While trying to remain somewhat globally informed, I do not want to hear over and over about all of the tragedy, murders, drownings, etc. I know it is out there, I am a realist. But I think we are getting a bit numb to it all. Especially when I hear the new broadcaster announce, often with some cheesy grin, the tragedy of the day and then say "well, on a lighter note...." oh my gosh, really?

[usheroff]

05:54 PM on 08/06/2012

Midlife Success: You have just described a day in my life. I thought I would add another five, although I am sure I could contribute more should the request be made. You are an amazing insightful writer and I applaud your authenticity and humor!

LIKE
-wearing makeup but forgetting the left eye
-walking out of your home forgetting the skirt that should go with the long jacket
-knowing you had the deodorant out but rushed to get out on time
-missing your flight because you forgot what time 1400 means
-getting on a flight for Arizona with 500 kids, realizing that this flight is destined to Orlando

Need I say more?
Roz

[itruth]

05:44 PM on 08/06/2012

Eventually you realize that doing more with less; Time, Money, and talent is eventually going to lead you to the Epiphany of WTFGF. I'll let you decipher the acronym.

I think that is why there is this wry smile on people of a certain age. You'll figure it out one day and develop the Cheshire Cat smile too; or you won't, but that is another story.