09/26/2007 08:02 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Presidents' P-ing Match

The presidents of Iran and the U.S. had the longest p-ing match in recent memory and I am still confused as to who won. If you look at time alone, Ahmadinejad won hands down. He not only got about a week of unprecedented media coverage during his visit, but he spoke almost a full 20 minutes longer than Bush. His speech was also analyzed to death by all the media hounds who in their words, "wanted nothing to do with this guy or say anything about him."

In the category of holding the audience, it was Bush who came up the winner. Only the Cubans left after he insulted them. Most others stayed as they were named in vain for their human rights violations. Sudan did not leave, but you could see a few members smiling ear to ear at the sound of their named atrocities. I wonder if they really understand the English accusations that were rightly slung at them.

Ahmadinejad, who insulted "certain powers" probably kept more people awake because he was louder and more intent. You will probably not be able to prove this scientifically, though, because most nations picked up their staffs and fled before he uttered his first word.

As for content, these speeches were somewhat the same. They both spoke against poverty, violence, illiteracy, poor healthcare and tyranny. They both spoke for the rights of Palestinians and women, spewing values from all sides. The delivery certainly varied, but much of the message was the same.

I actually found myself listening, agreeing, cheering them on!??. Yes! No more poverty! Yes! No more disease! Yes! No more weapons of mass destruction, occupation, incarcerations without due process. Yes!

Oh no! Suddenly I felt sick. My gut was about to lash out, slap me on the face and say, "Hey, wake up and smell the doo doo!

All of the sudden I saw those two young Iranian boys being hung for alleged "homosexual activities." I saw Canadian photojournalist Zahra Kazemi fatally beaten. I saw people imprisoned for thoughts, fighting for human rights, and bloggs like this one.

Then I saw Abu Gharib, hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis (too many of them children). I saw U.S. soldiers exhausted, depressed and forgotten while they serve their third and forth tours. I saw secret interrogation centers, Guantanamo and billions of dollars of weapons being shipped to Israel, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia and Egypt from the U.S. and many more to Lebanon and Syria from Iran. I felt like I was disappearing in a twisted twilight zone.

These guys think they know human values? They can't be serious!

On September 11th, Matt Lauer interviewed President Bush saying, "there is a blurring of the lines between ourselves and the people we are trying to protect ourselves against." There is also a blurring of the lines between these two presidents, their words, their actions and their disastrous outcomes. Both should be doing a little less talking and a little more looking deep within themselves. As Sun Tzu says, "If you know others and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know others but know yourself, you win one and lose one; if you do not know others and do not know yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle."

As it looks from this angle, both countries seem to be "imperiled in every single battle" therefore I declare this p-ing match a tie.