Cheerleaders Gone Wild

Alright Huff’ers:

Guess what’s the biggest news story this week? Plame-gate? Nah. Ethics classes? Nope. VA/NJ Gubenatorial Elections? Think again. Iraq? Sorry.

Wanna know what’s really been on the minds of most Americans?

Cheerleaders.

Seriously.

And, no, not just any ordinary, run-of-the-mill bunch of cheerleaders. I’m talking about Renee Thomas and Angel Keathley, the two (now former, since they’ve been fired…) cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers who became infamous this week for having drunk sex at 2 a.m. last Saturday night in a bathroom stall at Banana Joes in Tampa, Florida. (And trust me: the story’s not over: They’ve already received offers to pose for Penthouse and something tells me that these two girls—20 and 26 respectively---will be the Next Hot Thing for 15, maybe, even 16 minutes. Maxim covers, Howard Stern appearances, the works…)

How do I know this is the week’s most popular story? Take a look at Technorati’s most popular searches…or Yahoo’s Most Popular Photos. People are voting with their keyboards and mouses. Chances are you’ve already heard of this story, either through myriad email forwards or on the Tonight Show through Leno’s monologue. Bloggers have gone crazy with the story, digging up pictures and weaving together a story that would win top honors at Penthouse letters.

What’s amazing about it is that it’s one of the few stories that generates publicity not because people are talking about it in person (because—save the standard late night talk shows or typical Locker Room Humor Outlets—they aren’t), but rather because they’re doing the talking with their fingers—through emails, web searches, forwards, blogs, etc. It’s one of the few Internet-generated stories that hasn’t translated into actual conversations (namely because of it’s X-rated subject)…unlike, say, the CBS story over President Bush’s National Guard records, which began on the Internet and was subsequently shouted over cubicle tops everywhere.

Why has this story captivated so many? Surely, it’s not simply because it lesbians. And it’s not merely scintillating because it was a drunk moment of passion. (There are plenty other places to find that if one were so inclined…).

Is it simply because the story combines men’s three most favorite things: girls, alcohol and football (and leaves out the fat hairy guys in shoulder pads)? Maybe, but I think there are three overlooked reasons why this story has generated so much traffic this week.

1) Most people are not only fascinated by the two girls, but also by the fact that someone actually turned them in. (Yes, yes, guys around the world shrieked a collective “Wha?!?”) Patrons waiting in line at the bathroom became agitated at how long Thomas and Keathley were in the bathroom stall and, after pestering the two to, um, “wrap things up,” the two finally emerged and Thomas returned the favor by punching the pestering patron in the face (which is why the cops were called, which is why we know about this story in the first place). (See the mugshots).

2) Because they’re cheerleaders, this naturally means that they’re attractive and in shape. In the world of male fantasies, the fact that Renee and Angela weren’t the Indigo Girls means a great deal, for better or for worse.

3) But the primary reason that this became the talk of the National Town this week is for this reason (and it offers and interesting insight into not only the American psyche but how technology and the Internet gives birth to certain storylines): Because of the crime component, this story became a news story, meaning that one could read and learn all about it without worrying about the company’s Internet monitors interfering and blocking content. You could read about it all the way from Yahoo! News to CNN to ESPN and so on…. Call it Safe for Work Porn—something that may catch on if perceptive entrepreneurs pick up on the concept's potential.

Naturally, movie ideas are already being batted around…