California SOS -- Operators Are Standing By!

What's left?

What else can California do to yank itself back from the brink, before it hits bottom and finds itself looking up to that perennial last-on-the-list state, Mississippi?

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's telling Californians our wallets are empty, our credit's no good. More billions have to be sliced out of the state budget. What gets thrown out of the sledge next? Prisoners, released early across California? Sick people, cut off from their meds and their doctors?

A listener to my KPCC radio program gave me an idea when she pointed out that this is just another kind of California disaster.

So why not ask for assistance from our fellow Americans? Sounds to me like telethon time.

Save a state! Call 1-800-help-help-help-help-help-help-help.

I hope that over the Fourth of July holiday, cable and broadcast channels across the nation could be enlisted to air the marathon telethon as an act of compassion.

The world should uplink to the spectacle of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, sweating as the hours pass, pulling at his tie and urging the tote board to go up, up, up, to rescue California from its tsunami/earthquake-sized budget plague.

His Hollywood friends could take a turn on TV, helping to pump up the pledge numbers -- singing, dancing, pleading. Americans by the millions, who've been infuriated by California's tanned and prosperous 'tude over the years, would get the immense pleasure of calling up just to drop some condescending change into our begging bowl. Donation -- a few bucks. Smug ''I told you sos'' -- priceless.

Perhaps even President Obama could call in to pledge the nation's support, promising to make every federal agency, at home and around the world, in every cafeteria and PX and break room, check the coin returns in their vending machines and donate every last penny they find to help California find its fiscal footing once more.

The appeal? Everyone has some reason to save California, from artists eager to keep museums open, to oil company executives anxious to keep the nation's biggest car culture rolling. Children might call and pledge their pennies to save Mickey Mouse's home state. Nigerian businessmen could email confidentially to let California in on hundreds of millions of dollars lying unclaimed in a dead dictator's account, if only we'll send $25,000 to cover expenses.

And as the last, desperate hours and minutes of the telethon tick away, I hope we would hear the Gay Men's Chorus and the choir of Rick Warren's Saddleback church joining voices to sing the moving telethon theme, ''You'll Never Surf Alone.''

Thank you for calling -- how much can we put you down for?

Comments

[Jason Mundstuk]

Calling Jerry Lewis.

[argyle]

Didn't this movie star John Ritter?

[nee]

CA needs to make the cuts already. We are one of the highest taxed states in the nation. Our prisions cost more to run then any others- why? Could it be the prision guard union???? Cut, cut, cut, and then cut again.

[twofish]

We'll start in your district.

[nee]

Go for it!

[ScreenName05]

Release the 75% of prisoners in our state prisons who are non-violent today. Re-prioritize spending to education, public safety (police and fire), transportation and health care in that order. But first lets get rid of the super majority requirement to pass a budget, and then lets get rid of the referendum process. Both are a disaster that is creating more disasters. Do that and you just might balance the budget some time soon.

[johnthesavage]

Here's something for you to think about. Many of these "non-violent" offenders were arrested because someone called the police about a disturbance or confrontation of some kind. The police end up arresting the person and in the process find felony possession of drugs. Whatever else they were involved in (kicking in a door, disorderly conduct, simple assault) is only a misdemeanor and more difficult to prove. So, the prosecutor goes with the slam-dunk drug felony, and another non-violent offender is born.

[Ryan O'Connor]

I'm going to try and start a telethon to recoup the time I wasted reading this article:-(

[davidhilton1]

i'll donate to ur cause...