Senator Hillary Clinton, candidate for the Democratic nomination for president, and former First Lady, today clarified her positions on her 3AM readiness and landing in Bosnia under sniper fire.
"I am asleep at 3AM", said Clinton, "and, like Martin Luthur King before me, I had a dream. I had a dream of arriving in Bosnia, a country too small and too dangerous for President Clinton. I dreamed I arrived under sniper fire, and ducking for cover, but what I was really doing was pulling the bedcovers over my head."
"I misslept", said Clinton, "hard as it may be to believe".
Clinton campaign misspokesman Howard Wolfson further explained Clinton's 3AM claims by noting that "she was ready at 2AM prior to changing the clocks to daylight savings, when 2AM became 3AM, so it was really the same thing, just the wrong month."
Mark Penn, who emphasized he is not part of the campaign, said, "She has a complicated schedule, and looks at her watch hundreds of times a day, so getting one time wrong is no big deal". [After Penn spoke, Hillary loaned her campaign another $100,000 to pay for his time].
Asked about her readiness at 3AM, Clinton said: "The only person in this campaign ready at 3AM is John McCain. At his age, he is awake anyhow."
In other news Bill Richardson, whose accomplishments as Governor include increasing the film industry in New Mexico, believes his endorsement of Obama will lead Mel Gibson to film the sequel to the "Passion of Christ" in Santa Fe. "After Richardson's endorsement", said Gibson, "the stars appear to be aligning in favor of New Mexico. We can have James Carville as Jesus, his wife as Mary Magdelene (ne:Matalin), and Richardson, of course, as Judas."