Trump Demands Bin Laden's Long-Form Death Certificate: Hawaiian Investigators Sent to Pakistan

Reacting to the killing of Osama bin Laden, Donald Trump expressed skepticism. "Burying bin Laden at sea seems very fishy to me", said the reality TV host. The real estate heir said he was temporarily dispatching the investigators he had in Hawaii, who told him that the Obama birth certificate was missing, to Pakistan to look for bin Laden's body and certificate of death.

Trump said that his Hawaiian investigators are also trained deep-water divers. "They have already been in the water, and there is no evidence of bin Laden's body", said Trump. "Nothing personal to the Navy Seals, I get along great with the singer (one of the blacks) and his gorgeous wife Heidi Klum", said Trump, "but my people are telling me not to believe it.

"All we have seen is the 'certificate of dead death' ", said the Donald. "It's gotta be long-form from the get-go or I, for one, will not believe we got bin Laden".

"I'd also like to know what took them so long", said Trump. "I would have just called bin Laden up, reminded him that I am a real estate guy too so he wasn't fooling me, and stuck it right in his m-f'ing left eye, then and there".

Trump also remarked, "I don't believe he lived there. I've looked at the compound, he could have built at least another 6 floors on top of it, and it would have been worth another $10 million".

Trump did leave himself a way out.

"If bin Laden was killed, and I hope he was, I am very proud of myself", said Trump. "Since I achieved something of enormous importance no one else was able to do, the President had to show he could do something no one else was able to do either. The President got bin Laden vs. I got Obama's long-form birth certificate. It is now even-steven going into the 2012 election".

 

Comments

[Bruce Kerwood]

06:00 PM on 05/05/2011

Already there have been Osama sightings. Osama bin Elvis?

[happylonersarah]

01:30 AM on 05/04/2011

It sounded exactly like what Trump would say. I had to double check it was in the comedy section.

[Olivio]

12:52 PM on 05/03/2011

Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa! That is funny. Donald Trump would, indeed, say something like that. But, at this point in time, he is trying as much as possible to hide. Even his children told him that he has embarrassed their family to a point that they can't even walk in the street without having people laugh at them.

[KatTales43]

08:15 PM on 05/03/2011

That's sad about his kids. They seem like decent intelligent hard-working young people.

[Ryan Kenneth Leddy]

12:51 PM on 05/03/2011

You know the funny part about this is? I didn't realize that this was a comedy article while I was reading it, I thought this was a real report. This is proof of how much of a joke Donald Trump has become in under two months of campaigning. I mean, if Karl Rove of all people calls you a joke then it's time to just retire from public life altogether.

[Paul Houston]

06:36 AM on 05/03/2011

I have just seen this on "The Daily Star" (Lebanon)

Asad Abu Khalil (The Angry Arab) writes: “I bet that George W. Bush is in a really bad mood today. I bet that George W. Bush has turned off all TV screens and won’t read papers tomorrow.” And: “Donald Trump will now claim that the man killed is not bin Laden: but his more evil twin, Billy Bob Bin Laden.”

Read more: http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/Local-News/May/02/Lebanese-voice-happiness-skepticism-toward-Bin-Ladens-death.ashx#ixzz1LHhDYS67
(The Daily Star :: Lebanon News :: http://www.dailystar.com.lb)

Who says Arabs do not have a sense of humor!

[Isobel Connell]

02:41 AM on 05/03/2011

Birther, deather, both ridiculous.

[LMPE]

09:21 PM on 05/02/2011

A friend of mine wrote something like this on her Facebook

[LoneRanger2011]

08:06 PM on 05/02/2011

I love it!

[msbovary]

01:22 AM on 05/03/2011

me too!

[Mitch Palmer]

06:02 PM on 05/02/2011

Im not kidding I thought this article was written by The Onion News Network.