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Paul Carr

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The Strip Diary, Day Twelve: More Vegas Hotel Reviews, in Haiku Form

Posted: 04/15/11 09:32 PM ET

As I demonstrated yesterday -- when my trip to a spa rendered me incapable of writing proper sentences -- Vegas and daily deadlines don't always mix.

In the past few days I've had some remarkable experiences. On Wednesday, I interviewed "Gazillionaire" and "Penny" about what it takes to put on a show like Absinthe at Caesars Palace and what on earth Caesars is thinking in allowing them to do so. (Spoiler alert: on that latter question, they have no idea.) During the interview, we got kicked out of a strip club.

On Thursday I visited Cirque Du Soleil's show "KÀ" at the MGM Grand, and was given a backstage tour by the technical director while the second performance played out above, below and beside us. (Spoiler alert: holy shit.)

Yesterday, after my spa treatment, I sat down over bar food with the Vegas Courtesan (NSFW -- duh) who gave me some insight into what it's like to be an escort in this town. (Spoiler alert: it involves fewer old, fat people than you'd think.) I've also made a couple of new friends who are certainly worth writing about -- and of course I've crossed three new hotels off my list.

Right now, though, most of these stories are still spinning around in my brain -- not quite ready to land. Tonight I'm taking a second group of friends, including Mindy from the spa, Dr. Scott and James from London to see Absinthe. Now that I know how dangerous the show really is, I want to see it a second time before I write anything. I still have to get some facts and figures straight about Cirque before writing that one either: I'm thinking it'll make a nice cross-posted TechCrunch column on Sunday. Finally, the sensitive -- and illegal -- nature of the Courtesan's work urges caution: I think that's one best left 'til Monday.

For today, then, that leaves the hotels. And so here, a day early, is the second part of my weekly round-up of my accommodations, written in the form of haiku. Remember: don't book a Vegas hotel before reading the following five-seven-five syllables...

Saturday: Imperial Palace ($155)

Warned me about the noise
But not the dead hobo smell
Surrounding the bed

Sunday: Riviera ($109)

Won't let you check in
Like Hotel California
But the opposite


Monday: Stratosphere (Comped)

Room fit for a king
But iron tethered to board
Hints at peasant guests

Tuesday: Planet Hollywood Towers ($239.00)

Awesome, large condo
Complete with washer dryer
Did all my laundry

Wednesday: Caesars Palace ($70)
My best room so far
Chocolate coins were a nice touch
And the staff were great

Thursday: Excalibur ($45)

Stranger in my room
Was not a bachelorette
Everyone else was

 
 
 

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As I demonstrated yesterday -- when my trip to a spa rendered me incapable of writing proper sentences -- Vegas and daily deadlines don't always mix. In the past few days I've had some remarkable ex...
As I demonstrated yesterday -- when my trip to a spa rendered me incapable of writing proper sentences -- Vegas and daily deadlines don't always mix. In the past few days I've had some remarkable ex...
 
 
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05:06 AM on 04/20/2011
i'm quite enjoying this series. keep up the great writing.
01:32 AM on 04/18/2011
Thanks Paul, hope you got to see my thoughts about Absinthe, my iPad has been a bit unstable ever since
01:21 PM on 04/16/2011
I love Vegas especially now when it's so much less crowded.
04:43 PM on 04/16/2011
here is what i have to say about vegas. the restaurants are generally good (but nowhere near what the originals are) - except for certain steak houses. and by the way who the hell would want to eat sushi in the desert??????!!!!. while the spas are overpriced if you are on vacation and indulgent enough to justify it due to winning at any games have a scrub, a rub and a tug (the girls now say, "can you help me out?" as a veiled proposition). the people who work in the higher end casinos are all about hospitality - and the new Aria hotel is beautiful and practically smoke-less. however, get off of the strip and go climbing in red rock (bouldering it is called) and really enjoy the beauty that nevada has to offer. and although the economy and the housing situation stinks (outside of the casinos and depending of course whether you are buying or selling) and the prices are no more than any other bigger city.
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Halsey
"There is a price to pay for speaking the truth. T
01:21 PM on 04/16/2011
I LOVE this series Paul (I don't think you read comments..oh well). I don't like that new thing at the top that soon will force me onto a-o-l travel to read such articles. And so it begins.
MUST hear about Courtesan!
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jumpinjezebel
I'll show U mine if U'll show me urs
11:12 AM on 04/16/2011
Caesars used to be my favorite place. I can still win at Craps there at 2 - 3 AM on Friday/Saturdays. Now I am not enthralled (to say the least) with their total mess up of the front of the place and the hideous entranceway one has to go through to the front door. Just shows that the Excel Spreadsheet boys from Peperdine University have taken over the place to squeeze every penny out of the property. All the while losing what was once a classy place with a fabulous entrance.