How to Become a "Death of Newspapers" Blogger

Times are tough, my freelance work is drying up and I've recently come to the realization that any job where you can accidentally dye your thumb blue is not exactly career path.

That's why I've decided to become a "Death of Newspapers" blogger. I'll join the ranks of Jeff Jarvis, Paul Gillin, Jay Rosen and Clay Shirky in competing to see who can use the most jargon to describe something everyone knows is happening.

Apparently, it's very simple. The more you self-reference, pick feuds and talk about the failure of TimesSelect, the better you're doing. If you make it sound like you're the one who figured out newspapers are dying, you win.

I mean, the point's not to fix anything. It's to describe the problem more dramatically than the next guy. If Steve Outing says newspapers have a "death spiral" and Clay Shirky predicts "a bloodbath," the point goes to Shirky.

Basically, imagine a group of people watching a building burn down and bickering amongst themselves about whether it's a conflagration or an inferno. It's like that, but with consulting fees.

Talk about how everything online is wonderful, everything paper is crap and then use the online to pimp your upcoming (paper) book. Bonus points for talking about how much you love the New York Times at least twice per blog post. It'll help your credibility. You love the Times, but ...

The ratio of book pimpage to analysis should be one reference to your book per post, one reference per sentence if you're Jeff Jarvis.

And link like a mad monkey who's sexually aroused by blue, underlined text.

Basically, it should go like this:

"Now, when I was a working journalist 25 to 30 years ago, before I got a completely unrelated job in either management or academia, an editor and I had a completely irrelevant conversation that I'm only telling you as an excuse to mention I once was a reporter.

"'This computer thing,' my editor said to me one time in 1983, 'I don't get it.' And I think about that conversation a lot. It's a perfect example of how newspapers have botched everything connected to everything new ever. Granted it was one conversation with a 72-year-old man back in the era of Flock of Seagulls, but that didn't stop me from making it the title of my upcoming book, 'This Computer Thing, I Don't Get It,' coming out in October from Obsequious Press.

"In TCTIDGI, I talk about how people will still create professional-level journalism will still exist in an environment where there's no incentive to create professional-level journalism. It'll all be done online, for free and will be better ... somehow. The best and brightest journalists will pull out all the stops for no pay, I swear.

"Really, reporters don't even LIKE having health insurance.

"I love the New York Times, but the 'Old Gray Lady' will fail and fail miserably. It will go bankrupt by 2, possibly 2:30 p.m. today at the latest.

"About two hours after the bankruptcy, a legion of bloggers from Slate and Boing Boing will drive the Times staff onto the streets, slaughter them before the eyes of kith and kin and revel in the lamentations of the women. The presses themselves will be shuttered, but spoken of in hushed terms as earthly vessels of the 'Old Gods,' relics of a more fearful time. The building will be dynamited and the cornerstone systematically raped by the founders of the TED conference.

"Quit whining. It's called progress.

"'Quit Whining, It's Called Progress,' incidentally, is the working title of a planned follow-up to TCTIDGI, which itself is coming out in October from Obsequious Press.

"Now, I might be a 57-year-old man who still is a little 'wowed' by Frogger, but I will still willingly call everyone who thinks differently than me a 'relic' or 'outmoded.' I will even do this to younger people who grew up with computers and don't see them with the aura of awe I perceive. I'll play off any hypocrisy as scampishness. ;)

"Another reason newspapers are dying is they don't try new things! Now here's a list of all the new things they tried that didn't work."

So that's my "Death of Newspapers" blog. I'm looking forward to seeing it pop up on many, many J-School alumni listservs. Facebook me!

Comments

[Brad Greenberg]

Simply spot-on.

[jesdakota]

I'm just trying to get over my fear of windchimes. Wait, windchimes are supposed to CHIME, not spin us into a black downward spiral. Why do the aliens always pick on me?

[TishGrier]

Funniest thing about this post is the people in the comments plugging their "death of journalism" blogs.

ah, I just *love* the fine art of ham-handed self-promotion.

[marksluckie]

This is exactly why I started www.10000words.net, to counteract the bloviated, overdramatic commentary on the state of journalism that in the end doesn't do anything to advance the medium. Dramatic soliloquies are great for sparking debates, but what the journalism industry needs is less talk and more practical solutions.

[Alana Taylor]

This article was absolutely hilarious.

[Paul Dailing - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks.

[msbpodcast]

...

Instead of taking an adversarial position, you can take a collaborative position and everybody wins enough to thrive.

So what am I saying?

Perhaps its time to just let go of the printing presses, before they drag you down into their own graves, and get back to reporting the news since you can be assured that the money will come in, in proportion to the quality of your product and your people.

Notice also that the entire message was done utterly without mentioning what content goes into your paper.

That is "your" business.

That "is" your business.

"That" is your business.

That is your "business".

[ cross posted on NewspaperP­roject.org [

[msbpodcast]

...

The second part:

The answer to the second half of your problem with your broken business model is also as far as your computer.

But it involves dealing and partnering with someone else.

Someone who
already knows where everybody lives, (topography)
is already partly a non-lending bank,
is already partly a delivery service,
is already dealing with small payments,
is already partly a fulfillment service,
already gets paid (sometimes with substantial subsidIes) and
would probably love the role of acting as the paid/paying gate keeper to some RSS files. (Information topology)

That potential partner is someone with whom nobody messes with unless there is a history of insanity in the family (they have their own police,) and who is used to being paid for services.

I refer to the Post Office(and to Post Offices all over the planet.)

You can feed Google old articles on your servers and précis of new articles. (New being "less than a week old.")

So your problem was actually two problems which when broken down properly point to two directions.

Your subscription services can actually be handled through the post office fulfillment services. They would even pay you for your providing access to the RSS subscription files since they can CHARGE the ultimate consumer for the access.

Your file servers actually retain the information, automatically generate Google article précis and can track all access to the source.
.

[msbpodcast]

The answer to the first half of your problem with your broken business model is as far as your computer.

You can Google virtually anything that currently exists on the web. (Hang onto that qualifier. In it lies your salvation.)

But everything on the web has already raced down to zero except in very rare exceptions.

Music is nearly free or its pirated. Same with TV, movies, books, audiobooks etc.

The 'Net can carry virtually anything, and anything virtual, and the advertising budget can pay the freight...

All media are becoming dis-intermediated.

That is absolutely the death of all media since anybody can set up their own media rich web site.

Who need paper? Nobody... Paper is a limiting, limited and moribund substrate for carrying messages.

The corollary is: who needs a newspaper?

Well, the advertisers no longer do...

Here's why, when you KNOW what you want, Google can find anything that's findable.

Ads can be served up when ever somebody asks for them from the manufacturer's web site.

(Google doesn't make the contextual ads, they just refer to them...)

But your readership still needs news, not a newspaper, that's so twentieth century, but fresh, well researched, well edited, well qualified, credible, quality news.

That's always been your job.

Digging for and reporting the facts.

That is the one process that Google can't do. Not now. Not ever. Never.

But you can STILL do it.

But how do you get paid? ...

[symptomatic]

Yes, some of the folks you mention get a little bombastic and self-promotional. But at least they're trying to get people thinking productively and creatively about the situation—something many newspaper owners have failed to do.

To paraphrase Sir Walter Scott, "It's no newspapers ye're buying—it's men's lives." Or rather, *not* buying, actually, and that's the problem.

[woodsirk]

This is very similar to "Death of Libraries" blogs, articles, etc. Thin skinned by nature, librarians -- and I am proud to be one -- constantly feel dissed and underappreciated. Just like newspapers, there is some truth behind the chicken little behavior; staff and budgets are being cut at all levels and libraries are closing. So we complain about how things are different and how libraries worked just fine in [pick a year more than a decade ago]. As if technology hasn't brought huge changes in all businesses. As if everyone isn't either unemployed, underemployed or worried.

[Dan Kennedy]

Hilarious column, Paul, and times like these call for gallows humor. I'll imagine you whispering in my ear the next time I write a death-of-newspapers post.

[markvanpatten]

Thank you for writing this. I gave up my blogging about newspapers from the biz side because newsers only want to write about news. markvanpatten.com is closed.

You nailed Jarvis and he needed (and still needs) nailing.
I only hope he understands your post. He doesn't seem to have a sense of humor.

[Allan Hoving]

We're moving on now, folks, to the next stages of grief: "the upward turn" and "reconstruction and working through." We now focus on developing new online revenue models that will support (we hope profitably) all these wonderful organizations and people. For your consideration: a User-Centric Online Revenue Model I call PayCheckr ("Keeping what's read in the black") at http://www.paycheckr.com

[somethingworthsaying]

media bistro is featuring this piece so maybe someone will hire you. newspaper buyouts that are too successful usually result in hires. stay on top of wapo.

[Jon Tunney]

I can't believe you think "bloodbath" beats "death spiral". What kind of skewed values are you operating here? Surely you could have a bloodbath without anyone even dying.

[Paul Dailing - Huffpost Blogger]

"Bloodbath" totally beats "death spiral." By the time you get enough blood to take a functional bath in, someone has kicked it. And they're spiraling TOWARD death. They're not there yet.

[RAStewart]

So where does "apocalypse" fit in?