I Think I'll Take the Bus

Anybody see the footage of that truck that crashed through the fence at an airport and sped up and down a runway past taxiing jetliners? Glad to see all that taxpayer money we spent to improve security at our nation's airports has made us so much safer. It's a good thing they put our hard-earned cash into getting my nail clippers away from me for the past three years instead of doing something silly like reinforcing the fences around runways where planes loaded with passengers and jet fuel are idling. Now THAT'S homeland security!

And while we're on the subject, could the news media kindly not restart their obsession with shark attacks? Because, correct me if I'm wrong, but the last time we started focusing on shark attacks was the summer of 2001. And we all know what happened in September of that year. If a congressman's intern disappears in the next couple of months, I'm locking myself in the basement.

Just have to get a basement first. Stupid California.