I, Paul Nair, being of sound mind and body, do hereby confess to the
following atrocities:
1) Immensely liking the 2003 Good Charlotte single "href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=xalv-XN73PE">The Anthem"
2) Owning an extensive amount of href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dipset">Dipset-related
merchandise, including but not limited to: various mix tapes and solo
albums by such visions of mediocrity as J.R. Writer, Purple City and
Juelz Santana; a copy of the group's straight-to-DVD crime flick
Killa Season; and last but not least, a red, white and blue
Diplomats hat given to me in jest one Christmas. I wear it with pride
in the secrecy of my apartment, late at night.
3) Harboring a profound love for href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/10%2C000_Maniacs">10,000
Maniacs' excellent MTV Unplugged recording.
4) Possessing a general disdain for and disinterest in the entire
catalog of Led Zeppelin, excluding the song "href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_To_California">Going To
California," which was foisted upon me by an 8th grade crush and
therefore will forever be inextricably linked to Springtime, flutters
of the heart, and other schmaltzy, Hallmark card emotions.
It feels good to get this off my chest. Not just good -- fantastic.
Readers will scowl; some will probably lose whatever modicum of
respect they had for me. A few might even sweep an arm across their
desk in a rage, knocking their laptops and important papers to the
floor. I don't care. It's thoroughly cathartic to finally spill these
feelings out into the open.
Why is it that we harbor such guilty pleasures when it comes to music?
Of the four items above, only close friends know two, because they've
either lived with me or spent enough time in my presence to find out.
Some chuckled when browsing through my iTunes and finding a veritable
Library Of Congress catalog of the aforementioned Harlem rap cabal's
musical curse. Others cast a nervous glance in my direction. I've come
to find that they were usually only half-joking.
And Led Zeppelin; well, suffice to say that I've been subject to
lectures, reproach, admonishment and flat-out scorn for that
transgression. My boss even marched into my office once upon hearing
of this and foisted upon me an entire four-disc retrospective of their
work. It was all I could do to force a smile and make empty promises
of fully hearing them out before he finally withdrew and I deleted the
newly ripped audio files from my computer. I will not waver in my
judgment. My assessment of Robert Plant is final.
Now, for the other two, well, those were my deepest secrets. I still
can't quite believe that Good Charlotte was capable of making any sort
of sound that appealed to me, let alone an entire track. There's just
something so profoundly annoying about them -- the pseudo-punk look, the
acknowledgment of seminal D.C.
groups as influences -- that I was amazed when suddenly I found
myself humming their siren song while in traffic or the grocery store.
I knew I would have to keep my secret shame hidden, and to this day
the MP3 sits not with the rest of my music but under a clandestine
folder marked "Audio Settings." Here too resides the Maniacs album,
that brilliant display of live ability and masterful songwriting
complete with Natalie Merchant's effusive and emotionally precise
vocal delivery.
(I tried explaining this to my best friend once, after we'd had a few
drinks and the spirit of confession was running high. He literally
smacked his forehead and began muttering "oh no, oh no." So much for
bonding through indignity...)
So now that I've made my plunge into the bright light of admission,
I'd like to hear from you. The readers of HuffingtonPost.com are
blessed with anonymity, so I expect nothing less than the most
salacious of disclosures. Do you think href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_Nickels_On_The_Dime">Double
Nickels On The Dime is nothing but amateurish claptrap? Is "href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=RItv4-zqMTo">A Bay Bay" your
latest hip-hop crush? Don't be afraid. It's only through honesty that
we may move forward as listeners and embrace the previously
reprehensible.