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Paul Brandeis Raushenbush

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Ask Pastor Paul: How Can I Be a Lesbian and Stay in My Church?

Posted: 03/06/2012 11:36 am

Ask Pastor Paul: Spiritual Advice for the Real World.

Have a spiritual question, ethical dilemma or religious curiosity? Don't be shy! People of all backgrounds, ages and creeds are encouraged to submit questions to askpastorpaul@huffingtonpost.com.

Dear Readers, I have received many inquiries from LGBT identified people who have asked me about inclusion in their tradition. I have chosen one of them to feature today and hope this answer will bring comfort to others who have written to me. I look forward to hearing from you.
Peace,
Pastor Paul

Dear Pastor Paul,

I am a theology graduate student who also happens to be a lesbian. I have spent the past few years in a loving relationship with a woman who has helped me to grow in my spiritual life, and I believe I have also helped her to grow. It is very difficult to wade through all the messages we hear today about homosexual relationships and Christianity, even after having studied the Bible and other religious texts for many years. Intellectually, I know that we cannot assess biblical references to homosexual behavior in the same light as we look at the committed, loving gay relationships of today's world. Spiritually, I feel that my partner is a gift from God, and that she and I are meant to continue our journey and help each other along the way to heaven. The problem is how all of the negative messages affect my self-concept and feelings of belonging within my faith community. I have been Catholic all my life. I love my church and do not want to leave and find a more socially liberal Christian community, but sometimes other members of my parish make me feel like a social pariah and a second-class member of the Church. It seems there are few places I can turn for comfort at this point. Do you have any suggestions for how I can support my own development without abandoning the rich theological and spiritual tradition that I have always known and loved?

Sincerely,
Catherine

Dear Catherine,

Thank you for writing and sharing your story. Your very life is a testimony to the way that God is moving in the world today and while it may be painful at times, my basic message to you is to stay strong and turn to your faith for comfort and resolve.

I know that some of the messages that you are hearing about homosexual relationships are negative, and some of the most heinous ones are the loudest. But I have some very good news for you. We have won. There will be equality for LGBT people in the church and in all religious traditions. It is only a matter of time. As MLK said, "The arc of the universe is long but bends towards justice."

There is no turning back now from the understanding that God makes people who love the opposite gender, the same gender and both genders. And everything God makes is good. The fact of your life and love for your partner gives witness to this natural law. But it will take some time for all people to learn this truth. And the virulence may grow even as the last gasps of bigotry are vanquished.

I encourage you during this transitional time to practice the commandment of Jesus to love your enemies -- even those who might attempt to make you feel like a second-class citizen and social pariah of the church. Don't give them that power. Know that God loves you fully, and so your task is to love even those who persecute you. Your love for them will eventually transform enemies into friends and allies. Changing the minds of people in the church (and anywhere!) is slow business and it happens one person at a time, but LGBT people have come incredibly far in a very short period of time because of the hard work of people like you.

The Catholic Church is your home, and don't let anyone kick you out. When the going gets tough remember that you have many friends in the pews and in even in the clergy. Recent polls have shown that Catholics are actually more accepting of LGBT people than the average American. If you need extra support you can also turn to Dignity, which is the Catholic LGBT support group that holds meetings and offers resources for advancing full acceptance of LGBT people in the church.

And when the going gets tough, be grateful that God has sent you a partner who supports you in your Christian walk. As you know, to reject that love and to pretend to love a man just because someone told you to would be a sin. Cherish her, and help each other in the way of Jesus. People will see your love and will eventually recognize it as sacred.

Ultimately, you were born for exactly this moment, and your courage will pave the way for young people in the generations that follow you. The difficulty and oppression is part of your cross, and while it is painful at times, picking it up and following Christ as a faithful lesbian is about the most Christian act you can do.

Have a spiritual question, ethical dilemma or religious curiosity? Don't be shy! People of all backgrounds, ages and creeds are encouraged to submit questions to askpastorpaul@huffingtonpost.com.

If you are in spiritual or emotional distress, please contact a clergy person or mental health professional who can help you. If you are in crisis, please contact the crisis hotline.

 
 
 

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08:12 AM on 03/13/2012
This is a beautiful message...
11:37 AM on 04/16/2012
This Message was Heresy plain and simple and Is against all that God is, you can not find one scripture in the bible that supports this sinful lifestyle of LGBT ppl and to say there is is to put you as a Enmity of GOD.
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GDWhiteman
Christian mystic iconoclast
12:49 PM on 04/16/2012
How typical for someone still enslaved to the law to make such a statement. After I debunk the notion that the Bible speaks against loving same-sex relationships, you raise the bar and demand to be shown where scripture approves of it. Next I suppose you'll tell me that saying it's OK to drive a car puts me in an active, mutual hatred with God. God hates me? Really? Do you realize that by attempting to put others under the law, you also put yourself there? You know, the place where there is no path to salvation? It must be horrible to live in self-condemnation. You have my sympathy.
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GDWhiteman
Christian mystic iconoclast
09:48 AM on 04/21/2012
Fear is a typical response to the acknowledgement of the existence of a being over which we have no control. When that being is God, it could be said that acknowledging that God exists is truly the beginning of wisdom. Most religions are based on fear of the god(s) they worship and focused on finding ways to gain the approval of and mitigate negative actions by such god(s).

Once one truly knows God, it becomes obvious that fear is both ridiculous and counter-productive - leads toward completely missing the point. God isn't going to sentence anyone to eternal punishment - He has no interest whatsoever in petty, human-like egocentric behavior. I think it's very unfortunate that some of the authors in the Bible chose language that lead to conclusions perpetuating religious fears rather than exposing the truth.

You make some wild accusations about me, Junior. Perhaps you should spend more time reading about that.
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iknowscottyknows
02:23 PM on 03/12/2012
There comes a time in every Christian's life--usually many, due to our nature--when we have to decide which is right and which we should follow: every social wind that blows, or the word of God.

If you're convinced you were 'born that way,' great. You must be born again.

Prayers.
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03:37 AM on 03/10/2012
From Phillipians: "But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is being preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice,"

I love the fact that God and what God thinks about this issue doesn't and won't change, regardless of what hard-line stance we take.
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iknowscottyknows
02:32 PM on 03/12/2012
There comes a time in the life of every Christian--usually many, given our nature--when we must decide if we are going to follow every social wind that blows, or the unchanging word of God.

Prayers.
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Salty too
Give me Liberty or give me death.
09:31 PM on 03/08/2012
What church does " Pastor Paul" pastor? Being the "Senior Editor" of the religious page I caqn now see why there is very rarely any actual biblical truths being written. His worldly views and advice speak volumes as to his spirituality. His lack of reference to scripture in his advice proves his lack of belief in the Bible. It would be nice to have at least a few writters in the religion section that at least know and understand the Bible and adhere to what it teaches. I guess thats to much to expect from a secular site that is more against Christianity than for.
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Fugitaboutit
Conservatives live in a past that never existed.
01:38 PM on 03/09/2012
Well, do YOU know what it teaches? Try looking up 1 Chronicles 21, Deuteronomy 3, Joshua 6 and Judges 2, 2 Kings 10:18-27, Exodus 21:1, Judges 11:29, Hosea 13:16 and Psalms 137:9.

In response to all you good folks who print T-shirts with John 3:16, I'm starting a business printing T-shirts with the above references. I fully expect to have a supply and demand problem.
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03:46 AM on 03/10/2012
There's a whole new testament you're leaving out of the theology of your argument. If the Bible is truly inspired, then it is true in-context only in its entirety or not at all. Quoting little bits here and there to suit your needs is wrong for atheists and wrong for the faithful.
12:02 PM on 04/16/2012
Davids sin for counting his mighty men and the establishing of Onan's threshing floor as the place for the temple to be built.
Moses exploits of War being led of God and then him losing the right to enter the promise land because of His Anger and hitting the Rock (Christ) instead of speaking to it.
Blowing of shofars and the Victory in the shout and the walls come falling down and the strong city of sinners is Given over to Gods Children.
The Lord raising up Judges because the people turned away from God, and had forgotten where it was they came from.
God's Leader, Killing all those that worshiped false God's(Amen) and turned God's people to worship false God's and to follow after lies(Amen).

Etc Etc. Etc, I get Your point and I also Believe it, Western Culture tries to pollute Christianity.
John 3:16 does not mean you can live a alternate lifestyle, what it does mean is you can be saved from the wrath of God if you leave that sinful nature and turn to Jesus Christ.
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GDWhiteman
Christian mystic iconoclast
02:53 PM on 03/09/2012
Personally, I think it would be nice if the religious people who complain about the biblical knowledge of HP writers had a little more of their own knowledge about the Bible - for instance that there is not a single reference against loving same-sex relationships in the Bible (when you look at the original languages in the context of the authors' cultures) and that in the one case where Jesus was face to face with a man in a loving same-sex relationship, He praised the faith of the Roman centurion without making comment on the nature of his relationship.
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Salty too
Give me Liberty or give me death.
03:13 PM on 03/09/2012
Everone Jesus healed was a sinner. So what?
02:10 AM on 03/10/2012
Like a good Mormon, you are converting people long after they are dead.
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JDuck
Until we know the equal we'll never feel the free.
12:42 PM on 03/08/2012
Why support a paranoid religion that does not support you...?
08:53 AM on 03/08/2012
One can be Catholic and be homosexual.

Each and every Catholic (hell, even each and every Christian) have struggles with sin and inordinate desire. A Church that welcomes a person does not necessarily mean the Church has to accept and validate the sinful acts a person commits.

Sexual desire for a person of the same sex does not define a person. The dignity of the person is inherent in his/her humanity and not on who he/she wants to have sex with.

A person seeking Jesus and holiness with Him does will suffer many pullings and tuggings of different deires, not just sexual ones. During persistent failings, it is in contunuing to run back to the Father, through Jesus, that matters because God is a merciful and loving God.

Authentic Christianity is supposed involve confomity of one's life, (the best he/she can), to the life and teachings of Christ. Finding and joining a group of people that will bend and twist Christian teachings and tradition to conform to validate sinful acts may prove unhelpful in the long run.
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Darr Sandberg
"What is essential is invisible to the eye" Sain
10:00 PM on 03/08/2012
Besides, homosexuality is not sin. Christ's teaching in Matthew 7:15-23 provides a test for sound doctrine, good teaching, good teachers - and 'homosexuality is sin' fails that test.
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Darr Sandberg
"What is essential is invisible to the eye" Sain
12:49 PM on 03/09/2012
The claim was made that Matthew 7:15-23 does not apply to people who look at the Scripture in its entirety and context - and that therefore, my post above is wrong.

There are two problems. The text itself contains no such caveat. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%207:15-23&version=NIV

Second, "homosexuality is sin" is not based on reading the Scripture in its entirety and context. For each of the passages used to fabricate 'homosexuality is sin' - they are ripped out of context, and applied in ways that contradict the key principles taught in the Bible.

The ironic thing is that the excusing making that was offered to refute my post, actually describes 'homosexuality is sin' extremely well - and has the effect of affirming what I presented.

The test Christ gives is simple - false teaching is revealed by its consequences. All of the consequences of 'homosexuality is sin' are evil - murder and genocide, systemic oppression, lies and slander, physical and verbal abuse - every evil humans are capable of, has been committed by someone as they express 'homosexuality is sin'.

If you believe Christ, really, then you have to reject 'homosexuality is sin' as a false teaching - even if it only harmed one person. But it harms millions and millions and millions of people, and has been for centuries.
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GDWhiteman
Christian mystic iconoclast
03:05 PM on 03/09/2012
Given that, in the one time the Bible says Jesus was face-to-face with a man in a loving same-sex relationship, He praised the faith of the Roman centurion who came to plead for the life of his same-sex lover and didn't offer any comment vis-a-vis the man's sexual relationship, I'd say we have a pretty good idea of how sinful God thinks loving same-sex relationships are. NOT.
10:56 PM on 03/11/2012
you need to read your history. A roman officer could be sentenced to death for what you are saying this centurion was doing. Roman officers were to keep themselves in control. There are written historical examples of of juniors officers killing their leaders because of the pressure placed on them to give in. Roman military manuals outlined the rules for the officers and soldiers , it was forbidden to act in the manner you are describing. You keep using this as an example but there is no example of this taken place. The centurion would be a fornicator if he acted like you said and fornication is a sin, and Jesus has no part with sin unless they repent. In addition, No pagan or Jewish priest would perform a wedding. All examples of wedding are of males and females. Please try to find a better example and do your research.
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Indigo1941
Time traveler.
07:53 AM on 03/08/2012
Dear Catherinne,
You are, as you put it, "a social pariah and a second-class member of the Church." That you also imagine that you have any grounds to "support my own development without abandoning the rich theological and spiritual tradition that I have always known and loved" is clear evidence that you have not learned the basics of Catholic theology, they hate you, the lie to you, they play the bait-and-switch game with you and you, poor soul, are wrapped in a net of the "Stockholm Syndrome," imagining that your torturers love you. They do not!
Flee! Flee for your life, for your love, for your soul! Flee now!
-A concerned reader.
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infinite array
Try not to stare too long into the abyss.
12:51 AM on 03/08/2012
Trying to remember a quote that this reminded me of... Oh yeah:

'It must be hard to be a Catholic and gay.'
'It's easier than being a Jehovah's Witness and a vampire.'
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Indigo1941
Time traveler.
07:53 AM on 03/08/2012
At least vampires have eternal life.
11:25 PM on 03/07/2012
Conveniently forgot the part that says "Go and sin NO MORE"? Hey, nobody said being Catholic was easy, but picking and choosing what to believe is a cheap way to practice any faith. As always, the pro-choice arguments works here: if you don't like it, then don't be Catholic.
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Bones Rhodes
12:06 AM on 03/08/2012
---while you have conveniently never learned that John 7:53 - 8:11 is a later addition not found in your earliest ( and best ) copies of John and found in other locations ( including Luke ) in others. Be that as it may, as you condemn others for being Cafeteria Christians you fail to note (1) that there is no sign on the cafeteria that says "No Catholics", and (2) unless you 'religiously' adhere to all the 613 commandments, then you, too, are a "cafeteria" Catholic.
03:54 PM on 03/08/2012
Conveniently you forgot to say that the episode is mentioned in the Didascalia and the majority of the manuscripts. Be that as it may, this is nothing but a red herring and completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. Perhaps you might make yourself useful and look for a passage in which Jesus says: "Now go and sin MOAR!" which is apparently what pro-LGBT sex Christians read when they look at the Scrptures.

1. Yes, the sign doesn't say "no Catholics" because all those in the cafeteria aren't Catholic anyway.

2. Catholicism is not Judaism. Catholicism decided early on that it did not have to adhere to the 613 commandments. However, to suddenly refuse to obey what has been common procedure in Catholicism for roughly 2000 years just because it's cool, hip, and it's awwwwwwright to have delicious gay sex in our contemporary culture, well that, my friend, is picking and choosing.
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GDWhiteman
Christian mystic iconoclast
03:07 PM on 03/09/2012
Given that when Jesus was confronted with a loving same-sex relationship, He offered nothing remotely like "go and sin no more" but instead praised the faith of the Roman centurion who came to plead for the life of his same-sex lover, I guess we don't have to worry about that as sin.
02:13 AM on 03/10/2012
Apparently you feel you have stumbled upon an idea good enough to repeat several times.

Have fun.
01:02 PM on 04/16/2012
Mat 8:5 When Jesus returned to Capernaum, a centurion came up to him and begged him repeatedly,
Mat 8:6 "Sir, my servant is lying at home paralyzed and in terrible pain."
Mat 8:7 Jesus told him, "I will come and heal him."
Mat 8:8 The centurion replied, "Sir, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed,
Mat 8:9 because I, too, am a man under authority and I have soldiers under me. I say to one of them 'Go' and he goes, to another 'Come' and he comes, and to my servant 'Do this' and he does it."

Where does this say anywhere that The Guy was in a sexual relationship with anyone are you ppl really that Illiterate.
10:06 PM on 03/07/2012
Catherine, God said the greatest gift is love, I too know He gave me that gift in my partner of over 30 years.

I grew up believing God wouldn't give anyone more than He believed we could handle. Choice came in accepting who I am and realizing only in doing that could I share to the best of my ability the other gifts God gave me.

Grateful for my character development through religion. Taught all are made in God's image and likeness and should strive to become the best we can with the talents He gave us.

At a Catholic Church, I was told I should attend the Church and support it. Said I would be a hypocrite to do that since the Church would use a percentage of my donation to lobby against people like me and my partner. When the Church preaches this hate and prejudice they are not doing God's work but blaming Him for their actions.

No one can kick you out of Church, God did give you the free will to decide. Pastor Paul's survey of Catholics is not reflected in the teachings from Rome and are a smoke screen to keep people supporting them. Each alone are responsible for their words and actions so the call is yours alone. One day if you face hate, do not fear it, but know it could come from the sermons in Church and you too will have a hand in it if anyone else faces it.
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iknowscottyknows
02:27 PM on 03/12/2012
God defines love. This wasn't it.
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soma77
Author, Speaker, Retreat Facilitator
09:26 PM on 03/07/2012
In Christian Mysticism one gets the ultimate makeover with a new faith lift. Go inside and enjoy the Divinity. http://thinkunity.com
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GDWhiteman
Christian mystic iconoclast
03:07 PM on 03/09/2012
Amen.
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Bob Kellerman
Let's have more sanity toward each other
05:43 PM on 03/07/2012
GAY PEOPLE WHO PUT MONEY INTO THE PLATE AT A CATHOLIC CHURCH

Are financing the bishops who hate you and need to put you down

I SUGGEST

-- IF YOU FEEL WELCOME, PUT A NOTE INTO THE PLATE not cash
--IF THERE IS A HOMILY ABOUT HOLDING DOWN GAYS, STAND UP, SPEAK LOUDLY, AND LEAVE FOR THE NEAREST EPISCOPAL CHURCH
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GDWhiteman
Christian mystic iconoclast
03:08 PM on 03/09/2012
Sounds fair to me - after all, the Catholic church is welcoming homophobic clergy who left the Episcopal church.
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Norcal2
Rimmon Diplomacy
04:45 PM on 03/07/2012
If you like catholicism but are feeling unwelcome, consider becoming Episcopalian.

It worked for me.
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socraticus
The unexamined life is not worth living.
07:05 PM on 03/07/2012
I did consider doing just that when the Episcopalians became more accepting as a whole as a matter of policy, only to discover that my local Episcopalian church was led by a man who was "disgusted" and "disappointed" by that development. I am neither Catholic nor Episcopalian now.
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Norcal2
Rimmon Diplomacy
07:18 AM on 03/08/2012
Go to the "Integrity" website and they have a list of churches in your area that may fit the bill for you.
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08:12 PM on 03/07/2012
I'm curious now tell me more.
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Norcal2
Rimmon Diplomacy
07:16 AM on 03/08/2012
The church is accepting of gays and lesbians...my archdiocese performs same sex marriages, the parishioners are warm and friendly....I'll dare say...very christian.....

Mass is similar to R. Catholic mass.....women priests....it goes on.
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ecyornagol
Phil Robertson/ Uncle Si, 2016
03:09 PM on 03/07/2012
It gets me how so many think Christians rate homosexuality as the worst sin of all time. Sin is sin. Some are worse than others I guess, but that's for Jesus to judge. The problem here is when you don't recognize the homosexual acts as sin when Romans 1:18-32 clearly shows that they are. You are denying or rejecting God's word.
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bbriani3842
400+ yrs of science & STILL no evidence for a god
09:25 PM on 03/07/2012
There is no such thing as sin.
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Bones Rhodes
12:09 AM on 03/08/2012
---a GOLD STAR and a huge handful of "atta-boys"----

& a 'fan'
07:03 PM on 03/08/2012
Sure is a lot easier to go through life without a conscience, isn't it?
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Bones Rhodes
12:15 AM on 03/08/2012
--ignoring the fact that Paul never saw, felt,smelt, touched, talked to, or sat next to Jesus: nor was he a "Christian", but the originator of a new mystery religion in opposition to the new Jewish movement which was the early church. You are also "denying or rejecting God's word" when you don't kill people for working on Shabbat or talking back to their parents.
07:06 PM on 03/08/2012
You are incorrect - Paul heard Jesus.

Please stop using the Bible as a comic book.
01:23 PM on 03/07/2012
Matthew 16:18-19. "And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

Either you believe what Christ said about his Church or you do not. The asker's idea that what was spoken about homosexual acts only applies to the past is biblically flawed. God demands many sacrifices from us, including several things in life which may be highly desirable or comfortable to us. He demanded Abraham's willingness to give up his son, whom he loved. He took everything from Job, who still kept faith in him. In life it is what we are willing to sacrifice that defines us more so than our inclinations. I think this applies to the asker's desire to remain in a homosexual relationship.
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Darr Sandberg
"What is essential is invisible to the eye" Sain
10:16 PM on 03/08/2012
"God demands many sacrifices from us,"

So - give up your belief that your heterosexuality makes you superior to homosexuals. Sacrifice your pride and hubris, and accept the fact that God loves homosexuals just as much as He loves you, and He does not play favorites and does not ask any sacrifice of us that he does not ask of you.
08:12 PM on 03/09/2012
I don't have the belief that heterosexuals are superior to homosexuals and am strongly aware that God loves every living person equally.

It would seem from scripture, however, that he does ask different sacrifices of different people and places everybody in different situations with distinct challenges.
11:38 AM on 03/09/2012
With the authority given to the church by Jesus, to bind and loose, my denomination has chosen to loose the formerly held prejudices against same-gender relationships, including marriage.