The Royal Wedding As Sacrament

Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together according to God's law in the holy estate of matrimony?

Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together according to God's law in the holy estate of matrimony?

With these words, two young people in fine attire at the altar of Westminster Abbey took part in a sacrament of the Anglican Church -- matrimony. And Billions of us took part with them.

Sacraments are holy rituals that declare the gracious nature of the individual's relationships to community and to God. Rituals of any kind mark time, and make meaning by creating liminal time, or time beyond time, when things are transformed from what they were to what they are to become. In the case of marriage, these two individuals have through their oaths and actions, and the blessing of the church entered into that comforting and grand place that the church describes as the holy estate of matrimony. And of course, we all wish them well.

But why did so many of us watch this wedding, either in real time or in the endless loops that are now permeating the media? Even some of us who rolled our eyes as the frenzy mounted felt caught a bit of the fever as we watched the church service, the excitement of the crowds and witnessed the couple kiss on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. Perhaps the reason for all the hoopla is that this royal wedding, like all weddings, became a very public affirmation of the power of making a covenant, even in -- or especially in -- the midst of chaotic and uncertain life.

I have performed many weddings and they are always fraught with the same questions that have arisen in this royal wedding -- cost, the guest list, the distraction of it all. But if done well, which it seems that this one has been, the sacrament of marriage serves as a time when families can manage to rise above the difficult relationships, traumas, and losses of the past, and for a time occupy themselves with the sacred task of creating a covenant between individuals and families. No matter what has come before, the nature of marriage requires a focus on the future. Weddings are intrinsically hopeful acts.

Yet they are also realistic. Within the very liturgy of marriage there is acknowledgment of sickness and poverty, and the certainty of death. Standing on the balcony of Buckingham Palace were individuals who have seen great sorrow and the absence of the groom's mother was a reminder of the fragility both of weddings and of life itself. In the face of all this, the liturgy of marriage involves a forceful assertion of the value and necessity of commitment to the future with mutual support and unity, even within the face of adversity.

Great Britain has perhaps never needed the reminder to be reconciled and unified more than now. Economic uncertainty and civic disunity cloud Britain's politic just as in America. In both countries it is easy to feel alienated and suspicious of others, and cynicism and despair creep into the daily life of many families as people struggle with personal and social hardships. Part of why people are objecting to the spectacle of it all is that it is a distraction from all that is seriously wrong in the world and that is calling out for our attention.

For this very reason it is important not to think of this event in London as a party -- this marriage is a sacrament, something holy and sacred that, in its heightened profile, declares the possibilities of the power of covenant and love to all of us.

The sacrament of marriage includes the blessing of God's providence. Within the ornate language of the liturgy of matrimony shines a deep longing that God will strengthen the ties that bind the couple to one another and bring them peace. Perhaps what we are all longing for when we watch this beautiful spectacle is to remember God's blessing on our own lives, to help reconcile our own relationships and bring peace to our fractured world.

WATCH WILLIAM AND CATHERINE TAKE THEIR VOWS:

You're watching Getting Married on 'The Royal Wedding' 4/29/11 - TV Replay. See the Web's top videos on AOL Video

 

 

 

Comments

[luckydog1857]

06:09 AM on 05/01/2011

Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic Church, not the Anglican/Episcopal Church. We only have two sacraments - Baptism and Communion - because Jesus participated in both. The other sacraments were defined by the Catholic Church for whatever reasons I don't know.

[Roxee]

12:57 AM on 05/01/2011

I watched the wedding and enjoyed the spectacle immensely while tolerating the religious rituals. The wedding often seemed to be more about the clergy than the couple and I found the GOLD cape and other rediculous costumes offensive to the bride who should have shone above everyone. Apart from the rituals though i found the personal sermon to be less about the marriage of two people and more a sales job for religion. People who have fallen in love and have decided to commit themselves to each other for better or worse, in sickness and in health don't need god to preside over their commitment ceremony. My husband and i got married in a friends back yard and had our reception their garage; we are still married and in love after 32 years. It's the commitment to each other that counts in a ceremony of the couples choosing. The rest is just so much froth and bubble.

[Laxsmi de Potrero]

10:08 PM on 04/30/2011

i am waiting for god the marriage counselor.

wediing-- another bit of religion to complicate human relations. god has never intervened in a marriage after the wedding at cana. so what's the program with that?

[wolfiegirl]

11:43 PM on 04/30/2011

You mean if we had run out of wine, God wouldn't have stepped in?

[ydnas639]

12:18 AM on 05/01/2011

No, and if your husband had beat you to death, neither would anyone else, unless your family was very well situated and liked you a lot. Women were property until very recently in historical terms. Women still are property in much of the world.

[moleymoley]

05:56 PM on 04/30/2011

I enjoyed this post immensely, especially since my fiance and I are currently going through pre-marriage classes at our church to prepare ourselves. I was really struck by God's concept of marriage as a covenant and not a contract, as it's most commonly viewed in society.

-Mike
http://breakingwind.blogspot.com/

[Laxsmi de Potrero]

10:11 PM on 04/30/2011

lol, glad god is giving you personal instruction. tell him hi for me, and ask him what the concept was behind those tornadoes in the south.

[wolfiegirl]

11:44 PM on 04/30/2011

No, nonreligious people see marriage as a commitment - we don't see it as a "contract"

[ydnas639]

11:58 PM on 04/30/2011

Sorry, wolfiegirl, but marriage for the masses is a relatively new thing for humans. Not as new as diamond engagement rings, which is almost solely a creation of De Beers. Marriage is about property rights, and always has been. That is why it is necessary to go to court to break the contract of marriage.
I can go on, but you get the idea.

[Chiron090]

04:30 PM on 04/30/2011

"Perhaps what we are all longing for when we watch this beautiful spectacle is to remember God's blessing on our own lives, to help reconcile our own relationships and bring peace to our fractured world."

If weddings are such a holy sacrament in God's eyes then maybe, instead of his blessing, he should send his cash so the British taxpayer doesn't have to pay for any portion of this extravagant wedding that they can't afford to. That would be a more effective way to bring peace to the fractured economy that has the livelihoods of "common folk" by the throat.

[eve mahar]

02:30 PM on 04/30/2011

The speech given at this wedding made sure to exclude gay couples...the talk about procreation, etc. I watched the royal wedding and loved it, but it just drives home the point that I cannot marry my partner, and that marriage is still seen by some as a religious sacrament, when in reality, although it CAN have that element for some, it is also a civil, legal contract between two people. One that should be free to all.

[JustMeinNJ]

06:59 PM on 04/30/2011

me - I am for gay marriage (while, yes, I am a Republican).
I am opposed to the states not recognizing gay marriage. However, that conflicts with how I feel about a church. Many religions have beliefs and "rules", and major principles where it is not something the can accept. I don't fault them for it. I remember friends getting married - A Jew and a Catholic. It took them forever to find a rabbi and a priest to marry them. Do rabbis like Christians? Do priests like Jews? Of course. Some deeply held beliefs prohibit it being negotiated. Many Christian religions do believe that the purpose of marriage is to procreate. It's their belief - so what?
If you marry in a church it is a religious sacrament. That license from the state is the legal contract.

In a secular society - yes, gay marriage. In a church - the church makes their own rules. I can support fighting for gay marriage in the states, but would never support my views that oppose those of how a church conducts itself.

[uncle emil]

08:36 PM on 04/30/2011

Then it's time for you to renounce your Republicanism. Either that, or find yourself a Log Cabin in your area.

[eve mahar]

12:46 AM on 05/04/2011

legalizing gay marriage will NOT require churches to marry them. This is a red herring people try to use to detract from the real issues. Nobody will force churches to marry gay couples- marriage is a secular, civil contract that can be done in a court of law by a judge, or by any religious person who is willing to marry same sex couples. Shouldn't be a conflict of interest at all.

[gutenmorgen]

02:17 PM on 04/30/2011

When I vowed "until death do us part" I did not understand that this was an almost inhuman demand on me. I failed. Now, for almost 17 years, I have been in a wonderful and stable relationship "one day at the time". I recommend this vow because I now must look at my relationship every day.

[JeremiahA]

12:20 PM on 04/30/2011

This wedding is also a reminder of how marriages create families, the basic building blocks of society, and how important a healthy marriage culture is necessary for a society to thrive, a self-evident truth that seems to have been too often trampled on in America.

As these two young people have made their holy vows, we should also vow to renew the vitality of marriage in our own homes and communities.

[gutenmorgen]

02:06 PM on 04/30/2011

Throughout history royal males have royally contributed out of wedlock to a basic building block of society, children.

[bkelly boulderit]

08:17 PM on 04/30/2011

Sir, I am humbled by your genius.

[Eric Mann]

09:58 PM on 04/30/2011

Marriages help create families for sure. Now its time for us here in "the colonies" to live up to one of our founding tenants-equal application of the law for all citizens. The definition of who is entitled to this protection has expanded over the years, and for good reason-successful societies do not stagnate. It is time our country applies this protection to all, and I mean ALL of its citizens. This includes the right to the pursuit of happiness. To that end, ALL people, regardless of sexual orientation, must be given the right to marry.

Let this wedding remind the people here in this country that we are not all free to pursue the happiness that comes from having a family.

[JeremiahA]

01:07 PM on 05/02/2011

"This includes the right to the pursuit of happiness."

While I agree with you here on the pursuit of happiness, must society recognize and promote every desire people have? I think we would both agree on the answer. There are restrictions on marriage that all citizens share equally-on age, number of partners, familial relationship, and so on. There is no legal inequality, only an inequality of desire on the sex of the partner. Nothing prevents anyone from making a lifelong commitment to each other, so let us pursue our happiness while not automatically robbing a child of a father or a mother nor further eviscerating marriage.

[Mr Factoid]

12:20 PM on 04/30/2011

"Remember God's blessings . . . and bring peace to our fractured world."

Yeah, right.

I'm pretty sure "God" is responsible for most of the "fractures" in "our world." A recent example that comes to mind is the Anglicans and Catholics of Northern Ireland and their centuries long attempts to bring "God's blessings" to each other. . .

The world is filled with religious sects enjoying "God's blessings" while bringing deprivation, destruction, and death to those who don't happen to seek "God's blessings" in the same way they do.

[naschkatze]

11:26 AM on 04/30/2011

Marriage is a social contract, not a sacrament. Martin Luther agreed with me on this one.

[jessehand]

05:09 PM on 04/30/2011

It is both. The sacrament is for the church and in front of God. God recognizes the marriage sacrament without the social contract from the government. Likewise, people can go to their local courthouse and sign some papers and be married. That is not a sacrament but is recognized by society by law. Martin Luther was/is wrong.

[llisa]

06:56 PM on 04/30/2011

True, religion has usurped the word "marriage" and added to it all sorts of ritual and rules, but it is, and was, a social contract.

[MissKaren]

11:11 AM on 04/30/2011

Even among atheists, marriage has a kind of sacramental character in that they commit the partners to one another and to the service of the world around them. It is a public declaration of a private resolve. People who do not believe in God can have passionate dedication to something beyond themselves, something greater than themselves. What about humanity as a whole? I have seen too many religiously sanctified marriages tank and I have seen a marriage between two men who were not religious in any way last 28 wonderful years of mutual commitment and commitment to the overall gay community. Is this anything less than sacramental?

[tpk]

12:24 PM on 04/30/2011

I am an atheist, and I feel that marriage doesn't have any sacramental character.

[llisa]

06:59 PM on 04/30/2011

Well, since sacrament has to do with religion, I'd have to say my marriage is not a sacrament. It is certainly a commitment. And I I have loved out 33 years together. And our marriage is not likely to end till one of us dies.

But sacrament? No.

[goddess1871]

11:02 AM on 04/30/2011

My husband (and I, too!) got teary-eyed watching it. You can tell these are two people who truly love one another. When we got married, our minister (my husband's uncle) said marriage is like having a little piece of heaven here on earth. And in many ways that's true - I think about the awful things that are happening in our country nowadays and there are times when my marriage is my rock.

[Cuyahoga]

10:59 AM on 04/30/2011

I come to the HuffPost for the articles AND to read comments, most of which usually enlarge my scope of understanding of many subjects. I am sad that so many responses to this article are unkind, even rude projections of misery onto the happy occasion in London. If you do not agree with the rituals of yesterday, why not at least acknowledge the diversity in the world and move on?

[llisa]

07:03 PM on 04/30/2011

I have no problem with their rituals, but DANG that was a lot of money to spend for a marriage ceremony when there are people in that country without jobs, without food, without homes.

I didn't watch it and am not watching the reruns.

I do wish them much luck, though. They cannot help it that one of them was born into a family that will be constantly watched, filmed, reviled, celebrated, and a drain on society for the rest of their lives.

[uncle emil]

08:42 PM on 04/30/2011

It's a fact that within 4000 meters of the House of Windsor, there are people going to bed tonight without having eaten.

[Cuyahoga]

10:47 AM on 04/30/2011

Thank you. I tolerated hearing a lot of unkind talk yesterday about the wedding - all from men ("Why do WOMEN like this stuff? HAHA) on the radio and in person. Your article truly speaks to how I feel and couldn't put into words.

[llisa]

07:12 PM on 04/30/2011

Some women don't like this stuff. Here's one who didn't watch and doesn't care. We were married by a judge in my parents' living room with my grandparents and my dog in attendance. My daughter would have eloped except that her husband has a large family and wanted all of them to get to come. Still, they kept it very simple.

Just as not all women like shopping (I'd rather go naked than shop), not all women like pageantry and/or obsolete royalty.

I do wish them well as a couple of young people who are going to have trying times and no privacy.

[worldtrav]

10:45 AM on 04/30/2011

Marriage is female slavery - by tradition - in which the women is "given" (often sold) to the man by the womens father.

Treating women as chattel is the lowest sacrament of broken civilizations.
The women wears a veil to denote her "virginity" - is the man asked to wear such a ridiculous garment? She might as well wear a burka - the symbolism is the same.

Modernity this is not friends - these are two people being sucked into the inventions of the middle age: Birthright Supremacy, Male Supremacy (she-veil), Human trafficking (who gives this women?)

Marriage is worthy of the dubious moniker "Sacrament" indeed.
along with Human sacrifice and genocide (the centerpiece of monotheism).

[naschkatze]

11:27 AM on 04/30/2011

F & F.

[bkelly boulderit]

08:29 PM on 04/30/2011

Ok that's a bit harsh at the end... Still, you make a good point.