Bay, Michael
• utter lack of talent of is richly rewarded

Boehner, Rep. John
• climate change bill is described as "this pile of sh-t" by

Boone, Pat
• urgent need of to see President Obama's birth certificate

Borowitz, Andy
...

Academy Awards
•doubling of number of Best Picture nominees for

Anderson, Chris
•Wikipedia is liberally ripped off in new book by

Bachmann, Rep. Michele
•warning by that, though "I'm not saying that's what the administration is planning to do," Obama could use census-gathered...

Bachmann, Rep. Michele
• intention of to strike a major blow against the empire and refuse to answer most of next year's census questions

Bay, Michael
• claim by that the King of Jordan is a "fan of Transformers" cries out for an emphatic royal denial...

American Life League
•warnings by that you could die from using birth control pills

AT&T
•loathing of iPhone users for

automobiles
•utter lack of knowledge about -- "I don't know anything about cars" -- of incoming General Motors chairman

Beck,...

I was convinced that the only way Barack Obama could win, the only path that didn't lead to Losertown or Wussville, was for him to channel the nation's outrage and eviscerate John McCain. In my dream scenario, Obama would have turned to him at the last debate, cited a few...

Regardless of which poll you look at, forty-something percent of the people who will decide the fate of the country believe that it's an acceptable risk to place the ludicrous Sarah Palin one 72-year-old, cancer-ridden, given-to-apoplexy John McCain heartbeat away from the presidency.

Think about it. At least four...

"Senator McCain, you used to say that the main thing you were looking for in a running mate was the ability to take over as president, if necessary, on Day One. Given how many people there are in government that clearly meet that criterion, how do you justify picking someone...

Given that we would never have had the odious George W. Bush in the White House in the first place if it wasn't for your blow jobs, Bill, it seems obvious that you owe it to the people of this country, and especially to the parents whose kids died in...

The contempt John McCain has shown for the people of this country by plucking the wildly unqualified Sarah Palin to sit a cancer-prone heartbeat from the presidency leaves only one conclusion. John McCain hates America.

Eight presidents -- or nineteen percent of them ---have died in office. This comes...

Having watched John Kerry throw away the 2004 election with a timid and themeless pudding of a campaign while the Rovians assassinated his character, it's hard not to see disturbing signs of a repeat of that disaster in the Obama campaign.

The Obama theme all along has been change, but...

"The McCain campaign continues to level dishonest attacks on Barack Obama's integrity and patriotism," [foreign policy adviser Susan] Rice said, adding that Americans were tired of "Karl Rove's say anything, do anything politics." Rice also accused McCain of trying to "mislead the American people in order to obscure his own...

In Dr. Seuss's The Sneetches, there were two kinds of these odd beach-dwelling creatures -- those with stars on their bellies and those without. The ones with the stars saw themselves as inherently superior:

When the Star-Belly Sneetches had frankfurter roasts

Or picnics or parties or marshmallow...

The Clinton campaign has been nothing if not defiantly hip, with a constant stream of cutting-edge, up-to-the-second pop culture references. Here's a sampling from the campaign trail:

"That's not change you can believe in, that's change you can Xerox."
-- Hillary Clinton referencing Barack Obama's alleged plagiarism...

With Mississippi senator Trent Lott resigning five years early to maximize his lobbying potential, it seems like a good time for a look back on his illustrious career.

1) Complete the quote that required Trent Lott to go on a week-long apology spree: "I want to say this...

I am thankful that John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsburg continue to draw breath, since the presence of Dianne Feinstein on the Senate Judiciary Committee means that George W. Bush could name Karl Rove to the Supreme Court and the nomination would fail to be killed before reaching the...

With George W. Bush's longtime aide Karen Hughes leaving her position as undersecretary of state without remotely having achieved her mission of improving America's image abroad (and actually, if possible, having made it worse), I thought it was time for a quick refresher.

1) What was the...