With George W. Bush's longtime aide Karen Hughes leaving her position as undersecretary of state without remotely having achieved her mission of improving America's image abroad (and actually, if possible, having made it worse), I thought it was time for a quick refresher.
1) What was the nickname bestowed on Karen Hughes by reporters?
a) Mama Bear.
b) Nurse Ratched.
c) Livia Soprano.
2) What preposterous claim by Karen Hughes prompted failed Dancing With the Stars contestant Tucker Carlson to say of her, "The striking thing about the way she lied was she knew I knew she was lying, and she did it anyway. There is no word in English that captures that. It almost crosses over from bravado into mental illness"?
a) She said she'd never heard her famously foul-mouthed boss use profanity.
b) She said she'd never seen Laura Bush smoke.
c) She said she'd never told a lie.
3) Which of these words that don't even slightly apply to George W. Bush were nonetheless used by Karen Hughes to describe him in her memoir Ten Minutes From Normal?
a) "Asian," "one-legged," "bald," "transsexual."
b) "Obese," "tattoo-covered," "Jewish," "smirk-free."
c) "Humble," "decent," "spiritual," "thoughtful."
4) Where did the title Ten Minutes From Normal come from?
a) An announcement by the conductor on Bush's campaign train about an Illinois town they were headed for.
b) A comment by a campaign aide as the last polls were about to close on Election Day 2000.
c) A phrase used by a psychiatrist to describe the preternatural pleasure George W. Bush takes in treating people badly.
5) What did Karen Hughes do after George W. Bush appointed her to the position of
undersecretary of state for public diplomacy in the Middle East?
a) Realizing how unqualified for the job she actually was, she invited dozens of experts to brief her on how she might be most effective.
b) She delayed actually starting the job for six months so she could spend some quality time with her college-bound son.
c) She told one of her underlings that her boss had the ability to fart at will, and that, when he was governor of Texas, he liked nothing more than to enter a room full of people, let one loose, then exit the room, leaving its occupants to contend with the smell.
ANSWERS: 1) b, 2) a, 3) c, 4) a, 5) b
Paul Slansky's quizzes will be a regular feature on 23/6, the new satiric news site coming to a computer screen near you later this month.
"Strapon"(actually her Secret Service codename)
"Mistress Soundbite"
"Mugwump"
"sockpuppet"
"Nag hag"
Hughes stopped by the Oval Office one last time to smooch the president's right cheek, then headed off to join Mary Cheney on a cross-country motorcycle trip. After that, Ms Hughes will undergo penis attachment surgery in Austin, and begin her new life as "Chuck Jones." She'll then start her dream job as Linebackers coach for the University of Texas, El Paso. "There's something about locker room stink," said the future Mr Jones. "It really does it for me."
As the Buddha said, A person who knows he's a fool has at least that much wisdom. But the fool who thinks himself wise is indeed a fool.
Welcome to W's and Karen's world.
KAREN HUGHES = HUGE SHANKRE
Gee, I had guessed "Asian," "one-legged," "bald," "transsexual." for number 3.
THIS WAS MY PICK...
I guessed wrong because this basically what Bush has done as President, and the rest of us will be smelling his political methane for the next twenty years....
Condi Rice can't negotiate her way out of a paper bag. Hughes faied to promote good will, Nord at CPSC should be fired for incompetence.
And what qualifications did that pretty little blonde have to be appointed a "National Security advisor'?
See if you can separate the good guys and the bad guys from this list of Iraqi movers and shakers.
The Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq,
The KDP, THE PUK,The Dawa Party,
The Mahdi Army, Bandar Brigades
The MEK, Al-Qaeda in Iraq,
The Fadihla (Islamic Virtue) Party
The Accordance Front
The (you can call me) Als: Al-Sadid, Al-Hakim, Al-Malaki, Al-Sadar, Al-Amiri,
Gen. Qais Hamza (The Godfather) Aboud and his always popular “Scorpions”
Ahmad (Trust me!) Chalabi, the controversial, ubiquitous Iraqi politician,
And leave us not forget, overseeing this cauldron of Islamic idiocy that our President (with a straight face) calls a democracy, is his divine highness, The Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani.
Karen must have had her hands full just trying to keep the players straight.