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Paul Slansky

Paul Slansky

Posted: September 19, 2007 03:54 PM

Steal My Sh*t?: The O.J. Quiz


1) Complete O. J. Simpson's quote in an interview with Esquire: "Let's say I committed the crime. Even if I did do this, it would have to have been because ___________________"
a) I was extremely provoked.
b) I loved her very much.
c) I'm a homicidal psychopath.

2) Who is Ruby Wax?
a) The restaurant owner that O. J. Simpson shook down for $500 after she refused him service because her other customers threatened to leave rather than dine in the same room with a man they believed to be an absurdly acquitted double murderer.
b) The Florida police officer who took the hysterical 911 call that 17-year-old Sydney Simpson placed after she had an argument with her father.
c) The BBC interviewer that O. J. Simpson, while mugging insanely for the camera, pretended to stab repeatedly with a banana.

3) In an interview with ESPN, who did O. J. Simpson say "went through similar things" to his own ordeal?
a) The Menendez brothers.
b) The Manson girls.
c) Jesus and Moses.

4) True or false? After lawyer F. Lee Bailey revealed that his client O. J. Simpson had failed a 1994 polygraph test, Simpson claimed to have never taken one but offered to do so on 60 Minutes or 20/20.

5) Who is Jeffrey Pattinson?
a) One of the police officers who searched O. J. Simpson's Florida home in connection with allegations of money laundering, drug dealing, and stealing satellite TV signals.
b) The driver who flicked his lights at O. J. Simpson's SUV as it cruised through a stop sign, prompting Simpson to leap out of his car, reach into the other car, and rip the man's sunglasses off, scratching his face in the process.
c) The lawyer who said that, for the right price, O. J. Simpson would pose for a tenth-anniversary photo shoot in front of the murder scene.

6) What did O. J. Simpson's girl friend Christie Prody do a month after breaking up with him and telling the Enquirer that he often described the murders while high on coke, that he was stalking her, and that she was afraid he was going to kill her?
a) She dyed her hair black and gained twenty pounds to make herself less recognizable to him.
b) She moved to New Zealand.
c) She got back together with him.


7) True or false? In a 2001 New Yorker profile of O. J. Simpson, his lawyer Yale Galanter said, "I envision a day when O.J. will again be a celebrity spokesman in the mainstream of commerce."

8) What was the name of the hidden-camera TV show O. J. Simpson was trying to sell in which he would play pranks on people?
a) Sliced
b) Juiced
c) Hacked

9) On the occasion of the tenth anniversary of the murders, to which shameless provider of national television time did O. J. Simpson say that he didn't really think there was such a thing as date rape, that the TV exposure Fred Goldman got as a result of his son's murder provided him with great career opportunities, and that he was mad at Nicole for not being around to help him raise his kids.
a) Fox News's Greta Van Susteren.
b) NBC's Katie Couric.
c) Court TV's Catherine Crier.

10) What did O. J. Simpson tell People magazine about women who heckle him in public?
a) "I see their husbands trying to get them to shut up, and I understand why men get into fights with women."
b) "I just laugh because I know it means they want me so bad they have to hide it even from themselves."
c) "They only do it because I murdered two people."

ANSWERS
1) b, 2) c, 3) c, 4) False. He offered to take one on a pay-per-view TV special, 5) b, 6) c, 7) Laughably true, 8) b, 9) a, 10) a

Paul Slansky's quizzes will be a regular feature on 23/6 (236.com), the new satiric news site coming soon to a computer screen near you.

 
 
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01:57 PM on 09/20/2007
IF HE SAID IT

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"--

O.J.'s as right as a swinging hammer;

Let's follow the fellow's steely wishes

And keep him for good in the Vegas slammer.
12:34 PM on 09/20/2007
For those who think that OJ was or is guilty of Double Murder. OJ is not the first person to get away with nor muder nor OJ will be the last person.
For those who celebrated OJ's acquital. That was uncalled for. There are no winners. Two people have died.

Regarding OJ's Guilt. I believe he commited the crimes but I believed it was in the heat of passion not premeditated. And I believe OJ has high on drugs.

The Prosecution did not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that is why OJ was found not guilty. The Goldmans and Browns should sue the LA District Attorney's Office for Prosecutorial Incompetance.

Or what about the LAPD or LA District Attorney's Office not enforcing the Order of Protection Act against OJ when OJ was arrested for stalking Nicole.
11:17 AM on 09/20/2007
OJ was found NOT GUILTY and rightfully so.
11:15 AM on 09/20/2007
OJ is not an "asterisk on the pages of history". Tell that to the people who have been harassing him for 13 years.
10:26 AM on 09/20/2007
O.J. is an asterisk on the pages of history. A nonentity that should be ignored and dismissed from all future news reports. He had his fifteen minutes time ten and thats enough.
10:09 AM on 09/20/2007
Ironic, that this guy could finally end up going to jail for life for a minor out-sleazing of a sleazeball memorabilia "dealer", having been acquitted of a double murder.

Sort of like Al Capone with the tax evasion thing.

Hmmm...judging from his behavior over the last, er, 20 years, do you suppose OJ could have syphilis, too?
TruthResearcher
Question the Paradigm
09:57 AM on 09/20/2007
Last time I checked, O.J. was acquitted. That means he was NOT FOUND GUILTY - (In criminal law, an acquittal is the legal result of a verdict of not guilty.) Yet, many people have chosen to decide that he IS GUILTY and they have spent the last 13 years seeking to vilify him and make him suffer. I believe he has suffered greatly, as any one of you would. Any of you who were a witness to those murders and saw O.J. commit them, should step forward with their proof so this matter can be put to rest.

In the meantime, GIVE IT UP PEOPLE, GET A LIFE. If you want to persecute someone, I can think of one murderous individual who is responsible for hundreds of thousands of people's deaths. Try harassing him.

How will you feel if one day it is proven - and there are many reasons to believe - that O.J. was/is not guilty? You have murdered him, taken his life from him through your ugly, hating words and action.

Is this the way Christians apply their faith?
And I remind you, that in the U.S., you are innocent until proven (PROVEN) guilty.
08:35 PM on 09/21/2007
Right-on TruthResearcher. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn't. Regardless of what millions of people wanted, the prosecution simply didn't have the evidence to prove O.J.'s guilt, and the jury's decision confirmed that. The actions of both the police and prosecution were enough to cast doubt into the minds of reasonable people everywhere. Therefore, NOT GUILTY was the only verdict that could have been reached by truly non-biased jurors. Remember, the L.A.P.D. moved in on the crime scene quickly and contaminated the place themselves. Remember Det. Ron Furman? Who could believe that guy--a man heard numerous times making racist comments as well as being
suspected of possibly having planted evidence? O.J. may well have gotten away with murder. I don't know. But our system of justice still worked because a defendant does not have to prove his innocence. The prosecution has to PROVE his guilt. They failed to do so in the O.J. case, and if Simpson is truly guilty, they have only themselves to blame for allowing a killer to slip through the cracks. If O.J. is truly innocent, then score one for a system designed to work just as it did, with our country's most cherished legal tenet--innocent until proven guilty--affirmed.
09:07 AM on 09/20/2007
Anyone who doesn't believe that OJ murdered Nicole and Ron, hasen't studied the evidence. His "Dream Team" distorted that evidence to a willing jury, twisted the facts, and, in my eyes, are just as guilty as he is.
11:21 AM on 09/20/2007
I studied and saw the evidence. That evidence proved oj didn't do it. The problem, people like you refused, for whatever reason, to ignore any evidence that proved his innocence.
11:44 AM on 09/20/2007
chose to ignore
08:05 AM on 09/20/2007
If you don't like reading about OJ, then why don't you skip the articles AND the comments boxes?
Journalism has a criteria for what makes news and the OJ story had legs because it fits so many of those news values: fame, sex, race, money, oddity, proximity, crime, etc. Get it?
The OJ story has legs because a famous, charismatic black man killed two white people and got away with murder.
That he's back in trouble is newsworthy because most rational people who read the news want the murderer punished- for anything.
Again, if you don't like reading about OJ, stop at the headline, and spare those of us who do all the kvetching.
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MainSpark
07:19 AM on 09/20/2007
"ANSWERS
1) b, 2) c, 3) c, 4) False. He offered to take one on a pay-per-view TV special, 5) b, 6) c, 7) Laughably true, 8) b, 9) a, 10) a"

Hmmm....I thought that the answers to each question were a, b, AND c.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
sparkandy
07:13 AM on 09/20/2007
Unless you've lived with a man with that attitude, you probably can't believe anyone could be like that. OJ is like my ex, only more extreme. He thinks he can do whatever he wants to do and since he's so great it's okay. My ex just broke some of my bones and tried to stab me with a sword - OJ killed people. He's the ulitmate narcissictic sociopath and he deserves whatever punishment he gets.
11:40 AM on 09/20/2007
I didn't hear any evidence that OJ was remotely like your husband. The only thing that was proven and was not questioned was at one time Nicole, bless her soul. Jumped on the bed and her knee hit OJ in the groin. He pushed her off onto the floor. The picture showing her with the black eye, was proven to have been taken before her and OJ met. These are the facts.

The time line after his defense team proved it. Left 11 minutes for OJ to have killed both of them (2 or 3 minute, who knows), drive back to his house (9 minutes with no traffic), get rid of all the blood (so no one could ever find it (at least 10 minutes, who knows), Pack cloths (3 minute), get dressed (5 minutes), and come out to the car to take him to the airport (maybe 1 or 2 minutes). Total= 28 to 30 minutes minimum.
06:38 AM on 09/20/2007
Today on the Huffington Post I was given the opportunity to select from five commentaries to read. I'm embarrassed at myself for having chosen this one first.

Why is it though, that OJ viciously attacked and murdered two people and he was arrested and tried without delay? GWB has been doing it for five years and there's still been no arrest?
10:26 PM on 09/19/2007
What's really struck me is that it's really starting to appear as if Riccio and the "victims" set OJ up.

Riccio had an audio tape ready for sale almost immediately,and these guys were trying to sell their stories almost as quickly.

I'll admit that I don't know much about the law,but it seems to me that a halfway decent defense attorney is gonna have a field day with these guys.
10:59 AM on 09/20/2007
Just found out from msnbc, Riccio paid for the room that they claim OJ broke in. This want make a difference to the people who hate him. They couldn't see evidence that he didn't commit the murders.

All charges should be dropped. Let me make it simple. Riccio broke into his own room and brought Oj along.
11:48 AM on 09/20/2007
I want to know, is there such a thing as ENTRAPMENT among regular citizen. I know law enforcers can't ENTRAP. RICCIO PAID FOR THE ROOM. SO RICCIO BROKE INTO HIS OWN ROOM AND BROUGHT OJ ALONG?
05:51 PM on 09/19/2007
I am constantly amazed at the Simpson apologists who to this day insist that he didn't kill those people. You are deluded. The man has demonstrated his true character time and time again, but those who WANT to believe in his innocence continue to do just that. Sad. Pathetic. Nonsense.
05:41 PM on 09/19/2007
Sadly, I know the answers to many of the questions posed here.

Note to self: All day OJ is no longer a good use of time and energy.

I'm sorry for the troubles of OJ Simpson, but I'm more worried about a war in Iraq, what we plan to do to Iran, global warming, homeless kids, starving people, seniors who have to cut their medicine in half or can't afford to take it at all, what's in the milk that they put in my morning latte, if my kids sucking on lead in their toys, and what the hell I'm going to fix for dinner tonight.

All the best to us today,

Ani