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Visitors of New York: We Love You. Please Follow the Rules.

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An excerpt from My Guide to NYC:

Oh, tourists. I heart you. No, really! The way you walk hand in hand in hand, side by side by side down every sidewalk... or the way your money belt bulges from the waist of your elasticized pants... or the look of fear that enters your eyes when you realize you have to ask a local for directions. You make me giggle. And for that, I salute you!

I also would like to make your trip to NYC a little easier and pleasant. As a resident of Soho, which is overrun daily by hordes of people coming to see the "real" New York through the windows of Prada, H&M and Uniqlo, I offer you a guide... not on where to stay or what to do - but on How To Act. It's a simple list of things that will help you fit in, or at least not annoy the locals to the point of tears. From my top ten list of helpful hints:

  • Do not walk hand in hand in hand, side by side by side. We have very narrow sidewalks here and if you haven't noticed I can't pass you on the street as the streets are full of cars, buses, trucks and the even more nefarious form of transportation: bicycles. We New Yorkers do walk fast (we have places to be!) and so, think of the sidewalk as a highway. Slow movers to the middle please so fast walkers can go around.
  • When taking the subway, please get your subway card out and ready to swipe before going through the turnstile. Nothing will make New Yorkers hate you more than if you stand in front of a turnstile while a train is coming rummaging through your purse saying, "I know it's here somewhere..."
  • There are grates on the ground, get used to it. They are also really well enforced. So, if you have flat shoes on (which you most likely do), WALK ON THEM... leave the ungrated ground for those of us in heels or with small dogs. Worse comes to worse -- the grates will fall and you may drop ten feet or so. The bright side: you can always sue the city and earn millions from the fall. Now that's a bonus!

For the full list click here! You won't regret it, I swear!