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Paula Tursi

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Creating Your Own Happiness

Posted: 08/28/2012 12:06 am

Happiness...

Do you know anyone that isn't looking for it or wouldn't like a bit more than what they already have? Seems that love and happiness are two of our greatest desires and, as with all desires, often feel that they are out of our hands. I have come to see -- perhaps not.

These days I have had to figure out how to create happiness instead of just of feeling like a victim in an endless wait for its arrival. Funny thing is, by doing the few things I mention below, I believe I am even happier now than when the universe actually graces me with the happiness jackpot.

I found that the key, for me, is gratitude. The mind likes to find fault in things so that it has a job to do... to fix it! So all my mind would do -- if I didn't use a little loving guidance -- would be to think about what isn't working so it could "work" on making it better. In the last few months, however, I put the brakes on. I took a look around and said "Wow! This life is pretty good, great actually!" I came to see this by choosing gratitude instead of disappointment. I opened my eyes and heart to all that was going well and was actually surprised at what I saw. The really great thing is that just like with disappointment, the more gratitude I felt, the more good things I found to have gratitude for. It was as if a whole current of goodness just came my way. Things literally got better and better because, let me tell you, when I started this practice it seemed to my mind that things were getting worse and worse.

I'd like to share a few of the practical things I used to take charge of my mind and open my heart:

  • I literally wrote two things that "were" working in my life each day. The surprise was -- I found many.
  • I made another list of all the ways I am cared for. This was very powerful, as I can tend to feel lonely in a crowd and instead, I saw love everywhere I looked.
  • This led to appreciation. I realized how much people actually did for me on a daily basis. They did things out of the kindness of their hearts, but not just that, I realized they did these things because they love me. Coming to realize this brought me indescribable joy.
  • I remembered to do one thing for myself each day, and that reminded me to also take the time to do something for someone else. I think about doing things a lot, but I actually made the time to do them. What was remarkable here was that somehow I found more time in my day to do more, not less. Somehow doing good things added time to my life
  • As I was moving through this experiment I realized how important it was to create my own happiness because as I did, the current of happiness got stronger in general. I also came to see how important this was to do in a relationship. What if each day we thought about one good thing our beloved did instead of what she/he forgot? What if we not only thought about it but actually told him/her how it made us feel? Instantly your relationship becomes cherished, not a problem to be remedied. I have used just this with the couples I see for spiritual relationship counseling, and the shift is inspiring!

The last thing I will share with you is about the art of letting go. This was a big key for me as I'm inherently a fixer, it's true. I take the most difficult situations and try to make them work. I'm like a hoarder, but instead of objects, I hoard difficult situations. Through this practice I have come to learn that life actually wants to be easy, but it is the mind that makes it hard.

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