People often ask me if yoga can improve your sex life. To that I giggle and say, "Of course it can! But not in the way you might think."
Yoga is a wonderful practice that can awaken many things in a person. When at its best, yoga helps us to slow down, get connected and feel. Most of the time, we treat sex like we treat our job: Here is the goal, now let's get it done! To me that takes the sexy out of sex and leaves us with a lonely orgasm, if we get lucky!
Yoga can show you how to slow down, open up and feel! I often tell my students that our hands don't "do things," they "feel things." So what are your hands feeling when you are touching your beloved or yourself? Are you stopping to feel the warmth at your fingertips? Can you feel the texture of the skin you are touching? Can you feel their response through your own body?
Yoga can teach us how to respond instead of react. By this I mean it can help us listen to our beloved's body and learn if what we are doing is actually working. It connects us to our own body rhythm and this, in turn, helps us feel the rhythm of our partner. Do we need us to go faster, slower -- is more pressure really necessary here? It teaches us that less is more. The fact is the more gentle the touch, the more sensation will be derived for both sexes.
Yoga helps us to let go of technique (which doesn't really work) and encourages us to make our overtures based on the response of our partner and what we can actually feel with our hands and body. If you have ever done pottery, it can be very similar. You must be able to feel the clay to make the curves in a mold. When you are touching your partner, you want to feel how is it changing with your touch. The body will always lead you in this way. When it is pleased, its response is to expand and greet you -- in men and women!
When I am in an aggressive yoga class, I often wonder what the point is. Under all that jumping and sweating is a sweet string of energy just waiting to be felt in both men and women. Women often feel that men need sensation to feel, but that is not the truth. If you both slow down and begin working with a gentler touch, a whole different experience awaits you.
Yoga teaches us how to use our senses. For instance, can we use our eyes to create arousal? If we aren't allowed to touch, but instead simply run our eye over the beautiful typography of our partner's body while sitting in the energy that builds within us, without doing anything to create a release, beautiful things can happen. New dimensions can be reached. We learn this way of holding energy in meditation. We are always told if there is an itch not to scratch, but you watch the sensation rise and fall. The same is true here. By doing this, we can experience waves of euphoria instead of one end release.
The scent of our partner can also create turn on. The truth is we are all part of the animal kingdom when it comes down to it. Animals make most of their choices based on smell and so do we, only we don't consciously realize it. Our body knows way before our mind if we are safe, happy, turned on or turned off!
If you refrain from touch and instead take the time to breathe your partner in, you might be surprised what it awakens. It's best not to use perfumes, but instead take in their natural fragrance. This will not only stimulate your sex life, but it helps to build a strong organic bond between the two of you.
In my couples counseling and communication programming at Reflections Center for Conscious Living, I explain to both men and women that words or sounds also create arousal, though for some this is hard to release into sound. Often, people are shy to vocalize how they are feeling. It works best when you are feeling it and it comes from deep within. Sounds are non-verbal ways to encourage your partner and let them know what is working, but more than that, they can unlock blockages and deepen the sensation you are already feeling.
We can also experience a lot through the breath. It slows us down, clears our mind and circulates the blood that is necessary for orgasm -- if you choose to have one. You can see all the fun happens before the "golden" orgasm and yoga teaches us that too; it isn't the destination, but how you get there that makes all the difference.
Have you thought to have sex and not orgasm, or do you feel you can't have one without the other? We are energy when it comes down to it, and that's what we are building and playing with when we are having sex -- some really amazing energy, I might add! What a pity to waste it in a few moments, when we can use the self-awareness and control that we gain from our daily practice, and make our next sexual journey last a few days!
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