A holiday weekend is coming up, which means that a lot of women will be spending time with their significant others. In the interest of keeping relationships intact during this time of togetherness, I thought about the ways we, as women, take a few too many liberties with our men and think it's okay.
I mention this because day to day female interactions stresses being polite and positive, even if what a situation really calls for is brutal honesty. Consider this post an open call for change in lieu of creating awkward moment during brunch.
1. Referring to grown men as 'boys.' Do you want to know why you're still single when you are long past 30 and otherwise a great catch? It's because you refer to the guys you meet as 'boys.' It doesn't matter if these men actually have the emotional maturity of a sixth grader. Referring to them as a boy -- and usually in a strange, teenage lilt -- makes you look like the emotionally vapid one. If you're an adult, you need to relate to people as an adult. Calling the men you date "boys" will only become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I cringe and bite my tongue every time one of my chronically single friends fake blushes and says, "I met a boy last night. I hope he calls." He probably won't, because you're behaving like a girl and no one wants to get involved with jail bait. (And get rid of all that Hello Kitty crap in your house, while you're at it.)
2. Dragging them to baby showers.The other day, I ventured into a candy store in Brooklyn to pick up some artisanal chocolate. (This is what one does in Cobble Hill, I suppose.) There was a party going on in the back room, so I stuck my head in. It was a co-ed baby shower, which took me a few seconds to process. Women don't even like going to baby showers, so I didn't understand why these poor, bearded men were being forced to listen to conversations about onesies and contractions. They genuinely looked pained, and there was no liquor in sight.
I know we're all trying be progressive and cool, but I would bet a year's salary that even the father of that fetus didn't want to be at the shower. The only person who has fun at a baby shower is the mother, and that's because she's going home with a lot of loot. Men -- especially an expectant father -- would probably just prefer to stay home and have some time to himself, since that will be in short supply once the baby arrives. Too much togetherness really can be a bad thing, so leave the fellas at home and leave the breast pump talk to us ladies.
3. Taking them shopping with you. I feel no greater pity than for the guy sitting on couch outside a dressing room in some downtown boutique. He probably just thought he was going out for breakfast with his girlfriend, and now he is waiting helplessly while she tries on every cocktail dress in lower Manhattan. Worse, he will be asked if she looks fat in it.
We all know men do not like shopping, in general, and getting shanghaied into Saturday afternoon shopping must be on par with sticking sharp objects in his eyes. You know he doesn't want to be there, so why drag him along? This seems like a set up for a fight. Personally, I like to shop alone (me time!) but if you need a second opinion, call a girl friend. Your man is just going to yes you to death in an effort to get out and you that's when you could end up with a dress with that makes you look fat. Horrors!
If your man wants to buy you a dress, he'll hand you his credit card and tell you to surprise him. Seriously. That is how it works.
If you're going to hit those Black Friday sales, leave your guy at home. He may watch football, he may nap, or he may have other things to do. (Imagine!) But you, my pretty, will be alone at Christmas if you think making him go shopping with you is a good idea.