Hold on to your hats, boys and girls who read The Huffington Post-- Pee-wee
Herman here. This is my second blog, ever! That's right -- I have now written
two blogs!! (That's "Dos blogos" for all my friends in San Juan and all the
other places my friends speak Spanish in.) This proves something: I, Pee-wee
Herman, am here to stay. In fact, I have a new motto, "Don't just gripe about it.
Type about it!" I think I'll put that on a T-shirt. Ha-ha! (That's me laughing.) I have
a thing for merchandise, you know.
Wow, I have to say my second blog is off to such a good start, I wish this was my
first blog. But it's not. It's my second. Not sure if I made that clear.
Let's see ... what have I been up to since my last blog? .... hmmm. Well, I don't
know if you know this, but the most important, culturally-significant, tastemaker
site in the world, GAWKER, called my first blog "Genius." I don't usually think
of myself in those terms but it is GAWKER and it's not like the word "genius" is
tossed around like some Frisbee. I have only recently seen it here, here, here,
here, here, here, and here.
By the way, is anyone else upset at the revelation that Joaquin Phoenix was
just pretending to be that spaced out, bearded, mumbling, troubled rapper? I
mean, what kind of person spends years pretending to be someone he's not?
When I returned home after a day on the streets of Manhattan, I was transfixed
by what I saw on television. I saw a program that changed my life. There was
glitter. There was music. There was dancing. And there were stars. I mean REAL
stars, not like faker Joaquin Phoenix.
Which brings me to the subject of this blog: DANCING WITH THE STARS HAS
I laughed, (Thank you, Margaret Cho, you're beautiful) I cried. (Jennifer Grey
had me at hello. I know it's the wrong movie, but she seriously completed me.
I wanted to spin pottery with her because nobody puts baby in a corner.) The
show had drama, too... Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino was CLEARLY ROBBED
of points (his hair alone was an eleven) plus only five days of training-- Hello?
And BTW, Mike the Situation, I understand you are busy and everywhere, but
please, it's time for you to seriously befriend me, Pee-wee the Predicament.
Okay, I digress... How about suspense on DWTS? (That's the show's cool
abbreviation, in case you didn't know) Did you see the thrilla from Wasilla? Who
knew a dress could rip like that and still be in one piece? O-M-G. The last time
I saw Alaskan legs like that I was dipping them in butter at Red Lobster (not to
name drop). I LOVE BRISTOL PALIN and her campaign for teen pregnancy!
I'm wearing my abstinence ring as I type. And selling them at the merchandise
counter when my Broadway play, The Pee-wee Herman Show, opens October
Back to my favorite new show -- is there anything these people don't bedazzle?
EVERYTHING. I LOVED it all. The Fantastic Mr. Fox, the Quarterback with
the 71 children, the hot lady from The Hills, the kid from Cory in the House, my
dear friend, the Hoff, and Mrs. Brady. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Did I
mention I LOVE Dancing With the Stars? I never heard of it until yesterday. Now
my life seems different.
I am now the show's BIGGEST fan. I am sure they didn't ask me to be on DWTS
because they knew I was starring in my own Broadway show, doing a movie
with Judd Apatow, the biggest and most important producer in Hollywood,
and busy blogging for The Huffington Post. Not that I could do it, because I AM
SO BUSY. I'm so busy I really don't have time to say how busy I am. So let's
leave it at that since being this busy, I don't have time to elaborate any further.
A thought, to conclude: if anyone, like the people who read The Huffington Post,
or my Twitter feed, the NY Times or Scientific American wanted to launch a
Facebook campaign, like the one to get Betty White on Saturday Night Live, to
help book ME on the new ABC phenomenon this blog has now helped create,
it would be interesting to see if they succeeded. I'd be curious, personally,
if an effort like that would work. I'm just saying. If you needed their contact
information, you could find it here. Just saying. DREAM COME TRUE mean
anything to anyone?
I have to run and shine my white capezios -- I'm going to wear them while I watch
tonight's elimination round. I know someone has to be booted off tonight --
what a bummer! That would be my only suggestion to the show -- stop with
all the competition and keep everyone around through the whole season.
You seem busy -- let me let you run.