I Know I Am Thankful, But What Are You?

Good morning boys and girls who like to read blogs with an apparent liberal bias, Pee-wee Herman here! This is my third blog, in a fifty-seven part blog series, exclusive to the Huffington Post.

Today's secret word is Thanksgiving! (Feel free to scream real loud after I say "Thanksgiving!" AHHH!)

Thanksgiving (AHHH!) is my favorite holiday in November behind National Parfait Day, Take A Hike Day, False Confession Day, Marooned Without A Compass Day and Homemade Bread Day. You're Welcome Day, which is always (very conveniently) the day after Thanksgiving (AHHH!), sadly seems antiquated considering the response to "thank you" isn't "you're welcome" anymore but rather "no problem" or "no worries."

Every year around this time I make a list of things I am thankful for, and this year the list is much longer than usual. Like for starters, I am REALLY grateful I wasn't trapped in a Chilean mine with all those other guys, although it would have been cool to get a free pair of Oakley Radar^® shades with Black Iridium^® lenses. Totally worth waiting in a dark and cold mine 2300 feet below ground for 69 days to get those shades, if you ask my opinion, which you didn't. Nothing says, "I'm totally cool," like a pair of Oakley Radar^® shades with Black Iridium^® lenses--again, my opinion, which you haven't asked for. If someone at Oakley would like to send a pair of those incredibly cool shades my way, please know I am on Broadway until January 2^nd, at the Stephen Sondheim Theater, located at 124 West 43rd Street, between Broadway and 6th Avenue. The security guards know how to find me. Would be an awesome early Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah present-- just saying.

Before I get to the full and complete list of the people and things that I am thankful for, I want to talk about the true meaning of Thanksgiving (AHHH!). (This would be a good time to pull up a chair and grab some piping hot apple cider, being careful not to burn yourself.)

Thanksgiving (AHHH!) is the holiday where we remember the Mayflower Moving Company and the Cleveland Indians. One Thursday afternoon long ago, two fierce rivals, (think the Werewolves and Vampires from Twilight) put aside their differences and celebrated the fall harvest by sharing a meal and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving (AHHH!) Day Parade with Al Roker, followed by football. Then the next day, they went back to killing each other in the most brutal ways possible.

To honor the sacrifices of Native American heroes like Squanto, we get a four day weekend, (unless you work in retail or on Broadway), stuff our faces on candied yams till we nearly puke, watch football and then pass out on a relative's couch wondering how many American Music Awards (hipsters call them AMAs) Justin Bieber will win next year. And if Vanilla Ice will join New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys in a reunion entitled "NKOTBSB with a Scoop of Vanilla." Could be huge, if you ask my opinion, which you didn't.

Then the real holiday kicks in. Black Friday. Once you've shopped black, you never go back. Although, just like "You're Welcome Day," the days for Black Friday are numbered--it's pretty much turning into an online thing. Like everything else.

Now would be a good time for me to reflect on the things I am most thankful for (in no particular order):

The entire city of New York-- You truly are "the concrete jungle where dreams are made of." It's nice to live in a city where the nearest hot dog is just around the corner. And no other animals except rats, pigeons and pets.

All of the incredibly kind and attractive people who signed a petition to get me on Dancing With the Stars (or DWTS as we hardcore fans call it.) I love you all. I hope to get my white platform dancing shoes on soon.

Thank you Woody and the LEGENDARY Buffalo Chip, Andy and Hot Leathers and all my new biker friends from Sturgis, South Dakota. As someone once said, "Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window." I couldn't agree more.

To everyone at the WWE - it was GREAT to see my cousin Big Pee-wee, I mean Big Show. Hi, Randy Orton.

All my pals at Foursquare (Thanks for the badge! I always wanted my own badge.)

Regis Philbin-- for helping me rob an M&M's store and for being nearly the coolest dude on the planet.

Rachael Ray-- for teaching me cooking is better in 3D.

Abstinence rings.

Onion rings.

Jacob the Jeweler rings.

PAPER magazine for showing me that disco is NOT dead - disco is life!

My friend from the Subway.

Issac Mizrahi.

Bishop Desmond Tutu.

Wendy Williams.

The Dalai Lama.

Lorenzo Lamas.

My friends at TSA for those hilarious body scan photos. LOL! Can't wait to make a Christmas card out of them.

My foil ball.

Judd Apatow (for continuing the adventure and being one of the coolest dudes on the planet, right after Regis.)

The volcano in Iceland for blowing ash in a way that did not interrupt my travel plans.

The book Part-Time Dog by Jane Thayer.

Schwinn! The original creators of green transportation. And speaking of bikes, my sincerest gratitude to Steve "Brew" Garn who designed my amazing new ride at Sturgis.

Charles Isherwood, for all his kind words when describing the Pee-wee Herman show. I couldn't agree with you more. To Cindy Adams, who said, shall we say, SOME NOT NICE THINGS about my show, I say, "I know you are, Cindy, but what am I?" (And that's all I can print!)

Steve Jobs for giving me an iPad before anyone else.

Gawker-- for calling me a genius. I couldn't agree with you more.

Firemen everywhere-- thank you for your bravery.

Sylvia's restaurant in Harlem-- The best food that isn't chocolate.

Jared Geller, thanks for talking me into bringing The Pee-wee Herman Show back and Scott Sanders, thanks for making it happen.

Allison, I miss you!

Bonnie. Wow.

Kelly, I love you and am thankful for you every day including Thanksgiving (AHHH!).

Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino. See you New Year's Eve.

Jambi, Miss Yvonne, Cowboy Curtis, Ginger, Mailman Mike, The King of Cartoons, Sergio, Chairry, Pterri, Clocky, Conky, Globey, Bear, Fireman Phineas, Lexy, Caesar and everyone in Puppetland-- thanks for taking the trip with me to Broadway. It was really hard to fit all of you in my suitcase, but I am sure glad you squished together real tight and made the trip. I love seeing your beautiful faces every night.

To all the fans who have come to see me (or are planning to see me-- some seats still available) at the Stephen Sondheim Theatre and those of you that saw our show at Club Nokia early this year: I will forever carry your laughter in my heart. I wish I could buy you all a new 50 inch, Panasonic Viera with a sleek Plasma screen now on sale at Best Buy, but I really don't know you that well. Please know, when I am watching Meredith Vieira in high-definition on my new Panasonic Viera in the comfort of my own home, I will be thinking of you. (Probably not, but you have to admit that was nice of me to say.)

Lastly-- Arianna Huffington. No one knows what I had to do to get this much ink on the most important site in the history of the Internet. But don't worry your secret is safe with me.

Happy Thanksgiving (AHHH!!) everyone! Don't eat too much!

Love, your pal,

Pee-wee