When the news broke -- or, more specifically, when the paparazzi broke the news -- that actress Kristen Stewart had cheated on her longtime boyfriend, Twilight co-star Rob Pattinson, many in the media pointed to her total failure as a "role model to women." Good girls, the argument seemed to go -- or, at least, girls lucky enough to land a "good" guy -- owe it not just to their partner but also to society as a whole not to mess it up. Men, on the other hand -- well, cheating might not win them any points, but it's something that men do. It's that same old double standard that has plagued women for years: girls are sluts, guys are studs. Think about it: When's the last time you saw an adulterous male celebrity being publicly chastised for being a terrible role model to young boys? Exactly.
At the same time, when a 16-year-old gymnast cries on international TV, she's criticized for being "too emotional," "too girlie." The implication here is that she's weak. So what's the lesson? It's certainly not about women "toughening up" or that women should act like women only when society deems it appropriate. In fact Jordyn Wieber should be celebrated for expressing her very real and understandable disappointment in an age-and situation-appropriate way. And the media should stop feeling the need to compare every female action to its male counterpart.
It's hard to do. In part, that's because every so often, some study comes out that seems to naturally want to pit women against men. When research reveals that women are getting more freedoms, more job offers, more money, more lovers, the inevitable and entirely predictable conclusion is that -- for better or for worse, often in equal measure -- women are becoming more like men. That can mean women are out-earning male colleagues, waiting to have babies, not "settling" for marriage, or the ones more likely to initiate an affair or a split.
Gender equality is not for women to "overtake" men or actually be men. Women are women, and men are men. And the evidence of women acting in ways that might not be considered traditionally female -- or, in the case of Wieber, evidence that they are -- has nothing to do with male versus female. Instead, what's happening is that women are getting more choices and more confidence to make those choices. What's happening is the decline of expectations, long and slow though it may be.
Two recent studies reported that women are getting less traditional about relationships, while men are getting more so and that marriage is at an all-time low. Some pundits point to modern women too busy climbing professional ladders to put similar effort to their relationships -- the subtext: The end of marriage is all women's fault. But the argument that women are opting out of marriage because they no longer need men is largely flawed.
Earlier this year, an Atlantic piece about the 30-something author's refusal to "settle" pegged the decline in marriage to a sort of feminist victory. Women, the author pointed out, are more educated, successful, and financially self-sufficient than ever before; men, on the other hand, are going in the opposite direction. As a result, women don't need men -- not for security, fulfillment, or even babies -- and especially not socially inferior men.
But marriage hasn't been about needing men -- or needing "better" men -- for decades. What's really happening is that women these days have more opportunities than ever before, plain and simple. Women aren't opting out of marriage out of some new masculine evolution. They're opting out because they can, or they want to.
Are men more like women and women more like men? Not really. What's changing is society; finally, slowly, getting out of the way of women's ability to live the life they want not the one others expect. As Alike, a brave 17-year-old African-American teenager embracing her identity as a lesbian said to her father in the movie Pariah, "I'm not running I'm making a choice."
Follow Dr. Peggy Drexler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/drpeggydrexler
| 1 | United States | 46 | 29 | 29 |
| 2 | China | 38 | 27 | 23 |
| 3 | Russia | 24 | 26 | 32 |
| 4 | Great Britain | 29 | 17 | 19 |
| 5 | Germany | 11 | 19 | 14 |
| 6 | Japan | 7 | 14 | 17 |
Marriage is talked about in terms of "options" and "benefits."
What about falling in love with someone? What about feeling like you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? What about knowing this is the person you want to build a family with?
This idea of "opting out of marriage" makes it sound like "not going to grad school" or "making a mid-career change" or "refinancing a home."
I feel like something is lost when marriage and long-term relationships are treated like professional choices, rather than emotional ones.
My only point is that of course marriage becomes less appealing when it's thought of the same way you look at a job transfer or a home loan.
If you don't look at marriage for all that it can be emotionally, then it's no wonder men and women opt out.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After first hunt Her Man and The Other Man come back with the goods
Her: Respect
Her Man: Happy
The Other man: Doesn't care
Week later after second hunt The Other man comes with the goods and Her Man comes back empty,
Her: Concerned
Her Man: Oblivious
The Other man: Doesn't care
Week later after third hunt The Other Man comes with the goods and Her Man comes back empty,
The Other Man: Doesn't care
Her Man: Concerned
Her: Has a potential thought: maybe I should have chosen The Other Man
So much for love.
Woman has been the sustenance of her species. Nature keeps men around for sperm donation purposes.
Women still to this day in 2012 look for a man who is HIGHER than her in social status. Repeat: HIGHER. Even if she is in the 1%!
Nature might keep men around for sperm donation purposes. But, I can damn well tell you women do not! They want men around for security (read $$$$$), emotional support, and sex.
And, it does not have to be the same man. More than likely, it will not be the same man.
Woman has never been naturally subservient. Men made her second-class in their violent patriarchal rape culture societies that denied women autonomy, education and income. Now that women are allowed education, earning power and firearms, the dependent female is disappearing and the true inferiority of the male is becoming evident in academic and life failuire.
Men have held the power, social, political, militaristic, economic, industrial, for some 6,000 years and look what a mess male rule has made of the world. It is questionable whether humanity will survive the ravages of millennia of male rule. Men have created a violent world with a brutal economics where 20,000 children a day die of starvation while militaries have tens of thousands of nuclear warheads, a world where male industrialism is destroying the biosphere with global warming and biotoxins, where toxification of the environment is killing children with cancers and leukemias. Men have given the world nothing but perpetual violence and chaos and misery and warfare. Women, on the other hand, give life and without women's generosity of spirit and kindness, the species would have died out long ago.
I also feel that educated men are "opting" out of marriage too at a higher rate. Many of my educated friends are in it for their careers like I am. I do think that both females and males are no longer needing partners to define one another. It seems that each sex is moving on...but one can only wonder what it will be like in 15-20 years. My family doesn't understand why I have no desire to commit to the "nice" girls that are around me on a consistent basis. They are just that, nice. As a 31 year old male, I just do not see the point in getting married. I just do not see a benefit. My guess is that many women my age feel the same.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2097279/Very-modern-custody-battle-Gay-father-court-battle-lesbians-access-boy-two.html
When Tiger Woods cheated on his wife.
So be it! My advice to men is to be fully aware of this, and adapt accordingly! In a way, it can be a very liberating experience for men also!
I divorced and got two FWBs.
I has been most fulfilling and liberating not to mention just damned awesome.
Life is Good!
If, on the other hand, your measure of a man is how much love is in his heart and life, how deeply and fully he is able to love, how much suffering he has relieved, how many people he has helped, what he has added to our knowledge and understanding, and how much good he has done in the world, then you will define success quite differently.
You can remain with those who measure their manhood by the number of women they have used. The quality women among us will hang out with the quality men who measure the meaning of their lives by more than the activity of their penile organ.
Sarcasm aside, the point about alienating decent men is true. But it has to do with baggage still left over....they want the liberated, decent, empathetic, educated man, but they still hate to admit that they want that ugly "warrior-masculine" side that, in many circumstances, makes many men not so decent (because there are only so many manifestations by which such displays generally manifest). Anytime you are conflicted over a trait like masculinism that causes such radically different outcomes.....you're bound to be unhappy in the above stated ways. It's really a gender crisis. "She" is looking for herself because she doesn't know what the hell she really wants in a partner.
In other words, one can agree with the ends, but have a huge problem with the means.
But I suppose it's grander to claim that men want women in the kitchen and pregnant. Like beating someone into submission with words. Some men will go to extreme lengths not be labelled a sexist. As time goes on, though, the number of men and the lengths to which they will go to appease, are decreasing.
But since you brought it up, tell me what "means" are causing such problems? You must have certain things in mind, because your reply was was very carefully worded. Meaning you've got much to say, but you're controlling your responses. More people should adopt that practice. Nonetheless, can you be more specific?
You can keep the old plan. Today's man keeps his money and dates numerous young women. It turns out once we get social we realize we can do better.
Once age starts to kick-in and that biological clock starts clicking all that feminists strong independent  "I don't need a man" rhetoric fly's right out the window. Then the only qualification is that the guy is breathing.Â
Step outside for a little on any given day and just observe the world around you. Several people still want families.
No more courting women and trying to win over that one "special" girl. Men know too much about women now. Non-feminists women wrote books giving away all the female secrets. Feminists bragged too much about their power over men. Women won in the past because the kept their mouths closed.
Feminists seem to want men to keep being the same old model while they take on more privilege. I say men and women get judged EXACTLY the same way. Equality right?! Right???
For more information come off HP and see what women of today's society REALLY think of relationships.
Now instead of admitting the lack of female integrity in today's society you want to use that lame "guys are studs" rhetoric feminists have been using as an excuse to cheat? Numerous studies have proven most men are loyal. It was only a small percentage of men who cheated, and if women want to peruse that type of man they bring it on themselves.Â
Feminists united? Women used their new found sexual liberation as an excuse to sleep with married men.Â
Feminism liberated men. Feminists left the barn door open too long and now men know how the game has been played for centuries. It's a free for all. Relationships are nothing more than a game of wits. For all the increasing men who don't believe in marriage this is music to our ears.
Women? Right! Men don't want to marry anymore and depression in women is nearly double that of men. Feminists are always trying reverse logic. I know so many women angered by the gender imbalance feminism caused.
http://www.q13fox.com/news/kcpq-reversal-of-fortune-more-women-paying-alimony-child-support-to-exhusbands-20120511,0,1822214.story
Not true. According to the 2010 US Census, men still pay 97% of all alimony paid. That number has remained constant for decades.
It may eventually change, incrementally, but Family Courts remain very anti-male biased.
Good luck ladies.....the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.