Men Hit Hard When Jobs Disappear
From the cause of the crisis to the size of the debris field to the number of ads that begin "in these difficult economic times..." there is much about this recession that is new to us. We are on an unfamiliar road to an uncertain destination.
Little in our lives will come out of this unaltered; some things may be changed forever. One is the role of men in the American family. Economies heal and jobs return. But the trauma of lost purpose and lost confidence may be another click in a long recalibration of the division of family power.
Crises have a way of escalating trends, such as the way Vietnam ignited a generation already chafing under 50s-era conformity. This one has added yet another dimension to a question that just a few decades ago would have been nonsensical: where does dad fit in?
If this is a kind of tipping point in the balance of gender power, we've arrived here over several decades. An onslaught of events -- from females in the workforce to the need for two incomes to the cost of living to the decline of manufacturing -- has dramatically challenged the male's unquestioned role as provider, protector and lawgiver.
Already:
More than 70 percent of families with children are two-income. Close to 40 percent of mothers work full time. And in one in three couples, wives bring home more than their husbands; one in four when both couple work.
And now this:
Male unemployment in the current recession is a solid two points higher than for women. The downturn has hit hardest where men are most likely to work -- construction, manufacturing and finance. Areas like health care, 81 percent women, have fared much better -- actually adding jobs. Women also heavily populate government and education, two more areas that are holding up well.
It is also becoming clear that this recession brings equal opportunity pain. In the past, lower earners suffered first and most. In this downturn, the color of your collar is no protection. High earners are finding themselves on the street in numbers unseen in recessions past.
Worse, many are in their 50s, normally when men hit their peak earning years and begin the long glide path toward a comfortable retirement. They are locked into lifestyles that carry a heavy monthly tab. Prospects are dim, and time to recover is running out.
Not that women haven't lost jobs, but men appear to be taking it harder -- not surprising in a society where what you do is who you are.
Men at home and women at work is a bellows on the coals of an endless argument -- the division of household work. Certainly, men have taken on more of the responsibility than any generation before. But studies show women still do 70 percent of the work, even though men believe they are doing half.
That allocation of responsibility appears to hold even when mom works and dad remains at home -- a potentially explosive atmosphere when financial tensions are already running high.
A friend, who recently became family provider when her husband became a Wall Street casualty, told me that the threat-alert to domestic tranquility is constant-orange, easily going to red. "Little things so easily become big things," she said. "If I ask him to do a simple thing like pick up a gallon of milk or take one of the kids to practice, there is always this unspoken implication left hanging there: 'I can ask you to do these things because I have a job and you don't.'"
One big problem, according to Randi Minetor, author of Breadwinner Wives and the Men they Marry is that many unemployed men, already wounded by what they see as their diminished status, see taking on "women's work" as another blow to their manhood.
Stay at home dads may get applause for their enlightened self confidence. Cultural respect is another matter. In the movie, Mr. Mom, Michael Keaton mastered domesticity. But it wasn't a happy ending until he got his old job back -- with a raise.
There is another wrinkle to this recession that may have long term implications. Past experience says that many married women who lose their jobs simply stop looking and ease back into domesticity. Now, for the first time, studies show that men are dropping out of the job search in equal numbers, and the percent of men giving up is rising far faster than for women.
This may all just be a blip; an economically-induced hit to the body of male pride and confidence. Or it may be something more. The roles of men and women -- which have changed so dramatically over the last years, may be in for another adjustment.
As we evolve to an easier acceptance of the equal dispersion of household power, that adjustment may be difficult for men, and also women. Gender roles have been reinforced since the days when fathers provided or families starved. They won't go away quietly.
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"But studies show women still do 70 percent of the work, even though men believe they are doing half. "
Which study? I'd love to read it so i would appreciate a link.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/women-take-revenge-on-phi_n_251292.html
It's very easy to say that you respect men when they do the housework, etc. It's another thing to actually show that respect.
By the same token, you would think it would be easy to say that someone who is mutilated as part of a sexual assault should be joked about and certainly shouldn't be blamed....read the link above.
Wasn't that crazy? Can you imagine the reaction if a bunch of men did that to a woman? (deserving or not) I think he probably will heal up Ok though after a while. It may be quite some time before he can trust again - but I think that was the "lesson" they were trying to teach him.
I agree with you, Peggy, that this is a major social turning point...but there really are many of us out here who are dealing with the situation dealt us AND still having great relationships, family ties and no real concern for how we're viewed by others. If you were paying attention during the sixties, you should have carried some of this attitude along with you, no matter WHAT you did to get to these times.
I was a hippie, but when the first child came along, my turn to play was over. I became an engineer and dove into corporate America, looking for that "American Dream". I signed on for a defined-benefits package and went for my twenty with the same company...only to be let go at 19.5 years and 57 years old. So now what?
You play the cards you're dealt.
I now work twice as hard for 1/5th the pay, doing menial part time work and trying to start my own business. I also work around the house, help raise a grandson and still am putting my youngest through college. Thoughts of vacations or retirement are gone, so evenings with a glass of wine will have to do.
We certainly ARE in a landmark time. Just enjoy the ride while you can, but cause...it's going much too fast!
I just hope we can keep a sense of community amongst our youth. The isolation technology is bringing is our greatest threat...IMHO.
I can only conclude that you applaud what this recession has done to male workers
THE WHITE MALE IS THE BIGGEST MINORITY IN THE UNITED STATES..DISCRIMATED AGAINST MORE THAN ANY OTHER ETHNIC GROUP
Perhaps the other applicants could spell? Perhaps they didn't shout?
Chris Rock had a very funny bit about this, but...
Basically, what group would you rather be than white so you could be less discriminated against?
I'm guessing you'll want to stay white.
Take a look at the sad condition of men in Russia today. They could not adjust to the new reality as well as the women did.
Role Swapping
He lost his job, took on the chores,
the kids, & the grocery shopping;
he's still on the team & so is she;
it's OK if they do some role swapping.
http://www.mykuworld.com/MyKu.mvc/Board/735
It takes time to learn any new job or skill set, and it takes communication and patience on both sides. One good assumption is that both partners have the best of intentions and want their relationship to work. That means that if something doesn't work the way it's expected to, it's not someone's fault, it's just life. It happens.
I feel sorry for anyone, male or female, who has lost a job in this terrible economy. I am familiar with working a job (sometimes TWO jobs) only to come home to a messy house, no dinner, dirty laundry, unpaid bills, etc. while the now-ex was out of work. (No, he did not take care of cars, do repairs, yard work, spider-squishing, or other 'man' jobs to make up for his lack of assistance with 'woman' jobs). My question is, why is it too much for a man to help out in the home without being asked or told, whether working or not? It doesn't matter what our perceived roles are, we are all human beings aren't we? No one has to tell me what to do at work or at home to keep things running, and housework isn't rocket science. I can't believe we are even having a conversation that household chores are 'beneath' men, or that it's a blow to their ego to be expected to lend a hand, even if they are out of work.
I have three boys and a girl who I hope will be equal partners in their relationships and not take advantage of another human being because of their sex. My sons can wash dishes and cook, and my daughter can fix stuff and squish her own bugs. Sorry guys, we girls loves ya, but what comes around goes around. Deal with it. Mwwwaaahh.
Gee, can't figure out why the men in your life don't feel like helping out someone with an attitude as "good" as yours...
What many of the men here have said is that society...society is made up of people...looks down on them and, oftentimes, even ridicules men for doing what is perceived as feminine work.
I haven't seen any actually complaining about doing the actual work...just the insults and insensitivity that comes along with it.
To which you respond with insults and insensitivity.
Helpful.
How was LynneE being insulting?
'society...society is made up of people...looks down on and, oftentimes, even ridicules men for doing what is perceived as feminine work.'
Well, get this: society has looked down on and ridiculed women, JUST for being women, for millenia. And now, because the staus quo is shifting to something more equal as women refuse to be treated like idiots or powerless children, men will have to pull out their hearts in this generation the way the women and girls learned to pull out their moxy a generation ago. Women are learning, now men need to do the same. It's not hard unless you have just a huge ego, male or female.
Where were the insults and insensitivity? Methinks you doth protest too much...
I agree with OnTheCusp - its one thing to say that men are made fun of for taking on more (or rather traditionally) feminine roles but its another to say that men are suffering for it more than, or even as much as women. After all the jokes people make about men acting like women have as much to do with putting down women as they do with putting down men.
I think people should read Oppression by Marilyn Frye
http://www.terry.uga.edu/~dawndba/4500Oppression.html
It was written in '83 and is (if not still relevant) quite interesting
This is spot on. The number of highly qualified people (and good number of male caucasians) are out of work, and are trapped.
I weouldn't worry about jobs, we have a minority president and a Supreme Court nominee who wants to make sure that Affirmative Action (hiring preferences for minorities and against Caucasian males) remains for at least another 20 years--so jobs for anyone who counts will be made available.
There are a couple of problems with this analysis. First, I would like to see the studies that show that women do 70% of the work. Even without seeing any statistics I know those books are cooked. If the argument is that tired cliche about women's uncompensated labor for cooking, laundry , and the rest then perhaps we need to factor in men's uncompensated labor as electrician, plumber, mechanic, carpenter,security guard,groundskeeper, and spider killer. Second, I understand the unemployment of men compared to women in this Depression is far higher then "a few points." I have heard that layoffs for men are as high as 60-80% .One thing this recession will not change is the fact that women will always be looking for the guy with a really good job and plenty of dough. good luck with that, ladies.
You forgot about men's uncompensated labor for cooking, laundry, house cleaning and the rest.
I know more single dads with custody than I know single women with custody.
It does work both ways and some of us were doing both before the wifey left for a man with more money or a younger man, or the right to just, oh heck, be who they should've been until some selfish as*hat came along and got them married and into motherhood before they had actualized themselves...
Oops - do, not doe.
"men's uncompensated labor as electrician, plumber, mechanic, carpenter,security guard,groundskeeper, and spider killer."
___
Most men don't doe a lot of those things anymore - they pay other people to do them. And I can kill my own spiders.
As the child of a single parent, my mother, it is hard for me to empathize with the men who have wounded egos. My mother worked eight hours a day, went to school at night and did the laundry and housework. We children pitched in but the responsibility for everything fell on her shoulders and her shoulders alone. She did all this while earning less than her male counterparts even though she had a family to support herself. Part of being a mature human being is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances and stepping up to the plate when it is required of you.
"As the child of a single parent, my mother, it is hard for me to empathize with the men who have wounded egos."
My situation is very similar to yours, with the addition of my father being chronically ill, not missing. So what I am about to say to you is not said in ignorance or for that matter, lack of empathy.
This story is about men with wounded egos in the same way that a story about double amputees is about people who have trouble finding the right shoes.
This is the worst economic downturn in 70 years and the brunt of it is being born by these men. The next time you wonder why blue collar guys go into the polling place and "vote against their own interest" by choosing repubilcans, you might think about what a lack of empathy does to a person.
"This is the worst economic downturn in 70 years and the brunt of it is being born by these men. The next time you wonder why blue collar guys go into the polling place and "vote against their own interest" by choosing repubilcans, you might think about what a lack of empathy does to a person."
One thing I have learned, sadly, from posting on HuffPo for a while now is how unwelcome I am, as a white man, on the left oftentimes. There are many "on my side" who hate white men, as a group, in the exact same manner they decry white people hating and thinking about other genders and races.
I can see how someone (without such strong leftist values) would be pushed out of the Democratic party into the hands of the Republicans. It's stup*d, counterproductive, racist and sexist.
I think we can do better.
I am a child free engineer - unemployed for now. I don't fear losing my job nearly as much as any breeder coworker - I have fewer expenses, I'm more adaptable and don't have to worry about how job loss will affect the security of my dependents. It's the guys with new families that suddenly become obsequious yesmen and get "promoted" into ass grinding middle management jobs working long hours and licking some baboons rear end so that he can put his kids though college. I will never succumb to that kind of stress and humiliation so I am often low hanging fruit when layoffs come around. Putting up with the increased instability is worth not having to take antidepressants, being an alcoholic or taking my aggression out on my wife because there's nowhere else to turn.
I can tell you are pretty young..just wait a while...Reality has a way of finding you.
"We are on an unfamiliar road . . ." Baloney. Maybe YOU are on an unfamiliar road, but some of US have been poor for a long time. Nothing much has really changed. WE had to learn how to survive without million-dollar McMansions and gas-guzzling SUVs a long time ago. I'm sick of hearing about how "oh poor us, we're having to learn how to cook at home instead of going to restaurants every day" or "oh poor us, we're having to drive a (brand new) compact car instead of a Hummer" or "oh poor us, we might not be able to retire in the Hamptons any more." Well, welcome to reality. Most of the world, including many Americans, would still love to have your "problems."
*big grin* Thanks for saying what I think every time I watch pundits on MSM talk about how "hard" things are. Give me a break! When you have to go without eating lunch for two weeks so you can afford to take your child to a matinee, THEN come talk to me. And I'm talking MOVIE matinee, not live theatre!
Both very true. Of course, main-stream-media protocol demands that we conveniently forget that there's anyone economically lower than "middle class", and that "giving up your daily latte" to save money isn't an option if you already couldn't afford one.
I often long to see the gas-guzzlers disappear from the road, and the pontificating ivory-tower types in their fancy clothes and their fancy houses, in their fancy neighborhoods actually REALIZE what it's like for people in the real world, all over the world, and the banksters who've ruined us all... well, never mind.
So the real persons who suffer when the rich can't go to restaurants, spend time in the Hamptons, go to a spa, hire out to have their lawn work done, go to the movies, or do anything you seem to envy them doing, are typically lower-class people whom you likely think agree with you.
I've always said that if I won $100 million in a lottery, I'd convert it (after taxes - much more than the average person would pay in several lifetimes) into 5s, 10s and 20s, stash it in a vault, NOT invest it in any way to create jobs, NOT even be concerned about the concept of earning another penny, and therefore NOT be required to file a 1040 despite my wealth (not meet the filing requirement). I might even be entitled to the Earned Income Credit. Ah, to be truly rich and selfish!
In the comments, as expected, I found quite what I expected to find--bristling, defiant male egos roaring in chorus, many nearly exasperated at the mere thought of discussing the issue at all. Attenders of evangelical churches have made huge strides in trying to monopolize the credentials of being the experts on the American family. That is no accident. You will also find that most evangelical cultural revolutionary efforts are very corporate friendly.
Think for a minute of the television advertising world's word "target"--'these advertisements are targeted at children', 'these at women,' etc.' In pimping products to children, a salient agenda is getting the main adversary to their efforts out of the way--parents, and more specifically, the father in the family. How is the father neutralized by the advertisers? By a reduction of the father by trivialization, condescention, humiliation. To test this theory, watch advertisements that are targeted at children, and see how many you can put in the category of "dumb daddy." See how many, in their 60 second mini-dramas, end by portraying the father as a buffoon who responds inappropriately, and who should be end-gamed by the children and compliant mother.
The White man is learning what is meant by "cultural castration" of Black men--the effects continued unemployment, and how that affects their psyches, in spite of their sad efforts to compensate, to bolster their image by adoption of macho bravura. I doubt nothing reduces violence in America like low unemployment.
Corporations aren't creating "cultural castration," they're simply reacting to it and pandering to sell products. There is no corporate conspiracy, no secret plans to emasculate males. It is simply a side-effect.
The feminist movement has largely been successful in its culture war, and rightly so. They've been so successful, in fact, that the movement itself has a rather large amount of momentum behind it. It cannot stop on a dime, at some undefinable line of gender equality. Besides that, cultural change is never precise. Just as the movement is still short in some areas (like domestic violence) it has over reached in others (such as the treatment of boys and girls in classrooms). Hopefully, these disturbances will be balanced out in time, as smaller cultural shifts are much more manageable.
Jay,
You haven't been outsourced have you?
Yes there is a conspiracy and it's real...but conspiracy is just another name for it...
Greed or do everything and anything to make a profit even if it means selling your employees down the river.
There was a great clip on HuffPo about that by Sarah Haskins. Very funny, very true.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-haskins/target-women-doofy-husban_b_248703.html
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