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Dr. Peggy Drexler

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The End Of Normal: Stress is What You Make it

Posted: 01/12/09 01:52 PM ET

A textbook definition of stress is: "a condition or feeling experienced when an individual perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources he or she is able to mobilize."

A bumper sticker definition may be less clinical, but more topical: "Stress is what happens when the mind must override the body's natural desire to choke the hell out of somebody who richly deserves it."

Unless you happen to find yourself in the same prison cafeteria as Bernie Madoff - option two probably isn't going to happen.

So it's time to do some serious thinking about stress and how to deal with it. It looks like it's going to be a fact of life for many months to come. The best way to deal with it, is to get on top of it.

For some people, stress is the corollary of bad decisions - like signing a mortgage you know you can't afford or running up credit card debt that you planned to pay off with the promised (housing prices never fall) gains when you refinance. For most, life has been turned inside out by forces and people they had nothing do with, can't control, and still don't fully understand.

Compounding the wear and tear is the determined chorus of denial and avoidance: we didn't do it; we couldn't have seen it coming; it's not our job.

Since we can't go all primal on those who changed our lives - even if we could figure out exactly who they are - we must find a more civilized way of dealing with the eons of genetic programming that pumps out the hormones that tell us to fight or flee.

When you can't fight and you can't escape, how do we handle the toxic build-up?

A friend passed on some advice by a business professor who shared with his students the key to managing your way through a crisis. When things go wrong, he said: "Act like it's your fault."

It's useful advice for all who are trying to get a grip on events that have massively tested both comprehension and coping - even if it is counter-intuitive. For the great percentage of impacted lives, it's not their fault at all.

The key is to understand that stress, by itself, is not the enemy. In fact, few things worthwhile are accomplished without it. Canadian endocrinologist Hans Selye, credited with coining the term "stress", said that there are two kinds of stress: one debilitates; the other drives achievement.

The difference is largely about control. With global forces whipsawing lives, the levers of control become operational when we understand that we can't change the situation, but we can change ourselves.

When we accept responsibility for our stress, we have taken a big step toward dealing with it. Self-help lists are full of possibilities: breathe deeply, take up yoga, reduce caffeine, create a support group, work for a charity, reconnect with family, let go of hostility, start exercising.

There is not a magic bullet in the bunch.

But what's important is the one thing they all have in common: action. They all reflect a determination not to sit and stare out the window as gurgling stress hormones hurt the body and corrode the soul.

Anybody not stressed these days isn't paying attention. It's real. It's warranted. But there is a choice. When you accept responsibility for stress, you own it. And when you own it, it can't bring you down.

 
 
 

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A textbook definition of stress is: "a condition or feeling experienced when an individual perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources he or she is able to mobilize." A bumper sti...
A textbook definition of stress is: "a condition or feeling experienced when an individual perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources he or she is able to mobilize." A bumper sti...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Vajara
vajara
11:35 AM on 01/13/2009
Lots of good suggestions here, but don't overlook healthy touch and massage. I don't believe that there is a better stress reliever as well as a prevention approach than the use of safe, skillful and nourishing touch. Our 15 minute stressout program is the best there is according to the American Diabetic Association so give it a try. http://jerryvest. pages.qpg.com

Also, safe sex is still one of the best doors to compensate or to relieve stress.
11:53 AM on 01/13/2009
I went to one of those new age massage therapists, and all i can say is that generally is to dangerous.

There are plenty of licensed physical therapists that are quacks.
09:34 AM on 01/13/2009
Meditation and Yoga are excellent for coping with stress.
yappnmutt
humping legs for liberty
09:21 AM on 01/13/2009
drugs! take drugs. that's the american way.

on the other hand, one could study and understand the 4 noble truths and follow the 4 noble truths and wash away all stress with happiness or, to put it in context, stress oneself out achieving happiness.
yappnmutt
humping legs for liberty
09:57 AM on 01/13/2009
that should read--follow the eightfold path
08:57 AM on 01/13/2009
I once was able to turn stress into success. Of course, that was before the turn of the 2000/2004 elections.
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CompashCat
Urban Homesteaders are Realists
08:58 PM on 01/12/2009
Have you read Eckart Tolle's "The Power of Now'? It is about accepting What Is. That doesn't mean that you don't try to work for change in your life or improving your situation. It just means that your not constantly fighting against that which you have no control.

Empires eventually fall. A planet with over 7 billion people (and growing exponentially) with rapidly diminishing resources is going to eventually fail to support our needs. Everything changes ... all the time. Life is about Impermanence. Either you accept it, or you fight against it and suffer.

I've been a bit terrified about the future of this country and planet ever since Bush came into office, but I've found a relative state of peace in my spiritual practice, daily meditation, living simply and healthfully and building community.
08:07 PM on 01/12/2009
There are things though that you can do to help...like excercise and prayer.
But there are just some things that we can not control, so each day, all you can do is to keep going.
07:44 PM on 01/12/2009
Ms Drexler,

You have no idea what stress is, you see, you already have a job, many of us don't.

Please refrain from your happy talk, it's just talk that's all.

When folks begin to be able to get jobs, life is going to get better.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Dukedraven
07:29 PM on 01/12/2009
You said: "It looks like stress is going to be a fact of life for many months to come." Isn't that negative forecasting and shouldn't we project positively out into the future? It would seem your assessment can become self-fulfilling if believed. Just a nitpicky thought.
04:34 PM on 01/12/2009
Scratch the text-book definitions.
A more useful way to look at stress is "what your body does when you tell yourself
a. something is terrible and
b. you must do something about it but
c. there's nothing to be done."
Reducing stress doesn't involve "taking control" of what occurs in your life.
Sometimes that's impossible. Some circumstances simply can't be changed.
Reducing stress involves learning different ways to use your brain.
[submitted by a since 1976 ph.d. in cognitive psychology]
05:21 PM on 01/12/2009
That kind of thinking is the reason we're in this mess, we take whatever those in power give and respond with the Cowards' Mantra; "It is what it is!". There is an imperialistoc cult that is working tirelessly to make sure we become slaves or cannon fodder, continuously testing our tolerance nurtured by the words of those with long titles but no tangible life experience. Does your Phd also say you should just relax if your spouse tries to suffocate you with a pillow when you're in bed?

Rest assured, the Scoop Jackson disciples at the AEI aren't laying around the spa saying; "Well, we worked hard creating the global slave empire and we were thiiiiiis close but those Liberals spoiled it. Well, it's over, no use obsessing about it now. Say, do you guys wanna go fishing?"

Orwell is laughing his ass off at us right now...as the Framers are vomiting.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
tulsey
I was Bill Hicks.
11:52 AM on 01/13/2009
Sounds like crazy talk to me.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Coinyer101
King of Doobiestan
04:33 PM on 01/12/2009
i recommend a marijuana cigarette.
04:16 PM on 01/12/2009
We can keep muzzling our anxiety our temporarily numb ourselves with vices but the powers that be are very creative in making the reality of our personal Hells more and more obvious to us every day.

Those who prefer to maintain this system of finite order, control in this Orwellian paradise clinicalize our fears and frustrations as something chemically out of whack or like a personality trait that can be improved.

We're humans. We need dignity and we need something tangible to live for. Some of us don't need help better adjusting in this trillionaire-fantasy slave Utopia saying "Well, it is what it is!". We need help fighting against the slavery. We need to be organized and bankrolled.

The Plutocracy must end now.
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Roses
In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
03:53 PM on 01/12/2009
I don't know about "owning it"......the action part is what is important for me, both biologically, neurogically, and psycholgically. The "owning it" and self-reflection steps will come naturally after the action part.
03:42 PM on 01/12/2009
Years ago, I addressed this in my personal life. I now have 12 years under my belt of change.

Those who are new to the concept of actually taking back control over your own life?

I encourage you to start. It's not any different than joining Weight Watchers or signing up for your first Yoga class.

One positive step leads to the next.