If television reflects the state of the sexes, men are in trouble.
I've watched two episodes now of ABC's Cashmere Mafia and I see a gaggle of males who are insecure, dependent, jealous and damaged. I caught a few episodes of Big Shots, and I see stooges with money - self involved twits who endlessly discuss their sorry lives over Scotch and cigars. And on the first episode of HBO's In Treatment, a patient tells her therapist about her boyfriend crying because their relationship wasn't going anywhere and he wants to start a family. "Haven't you heard," she said, "men are the new women."
OK, I'm not talking heavyweight social commentary here. But collectively, these shows say something different is going on in the world of men. There is a new man out there. But is he the man we're seeing on television? Partly, yes. Mostly - and thankfully - no.
In the Cashmere Mafia there is no doubt about the women: smart, tough, poised, stylish, on top and in command. But the men are hazy - split among babies and bastards, not terrible as much weak. Granted, this is a show written for women. But it at least raises a question about experience and expectations.
Conversely, and interestingly, there is also a new woman on television. Pick a cop show, and the female partner is Dirty Harry - only nicely accessorized. On Law and Order SVU, Olivia even beats up an occasional perp.
It's confusing out there in the world of XY chromosomes. We need to sort a few things out.
I'm all for the newly-expressive male. But there is a fine line between a man who is in touch with his feelings and one that clutches them to his chest in a weepy embrace. At what point does a man unburdening his emotions make you wonder: "Did Steve McQueen ever do this?"
Now the good news. Studies show that men are, in fact, changing.
And one of the changes will have a lot to say about the next generation of kids: families have moved to the center of their lives. Maybe it's working wives; maybe it's the distance they felt from their own fathers whose sole responsibility was to sole provider; maybe it's another evolutionary click of the wheel away from the days when men went out in the morning to kill for food.
Whatever the combination of reasons, there is a new dad in the house. According to Dr. Warren Farrell, the author of the book Father and Child Reunion, the desire of dads to be involved with their children "is to the twenty-first century what women's desire to be in the workplace was to the twentieth century."
A 2007 survey by the employment Web site Monster.Com found that 70 percent of fathers would consider being a stay at home parent if money were no object. Almost 50 percent of dads of school aged children took paternity leave when their employer offered it.
It's also obvious in small moments. Men hug more, they help with homework, they listen more, they even leave early for soccer practice. Men have not become mothers; but they have come far from the distant, silent providers of the past.
I say welcome, new man. You have never been more important. And I know you're not the one I see on television.
Get a pedicure if it makes you feel good. Have your back waxed if you want to. And by all means continue your evolution into a, breathing, loving, contributing member of the family.
But, if possible, please:
Don't chatter about your feelings, tell us what you don't like about your bodies, botox your eye wrinkles, or order Appletinis. And outside of family tragedy, the end of Brian's Song or when they put down Barbaro, keep the tears to a minimum.
Follow Dr. Peggy Drexler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/drpeggydrexler
Everyone needs to remember that women used to be portrayed in a very sorry light in the media...either as domestic drudges or sex kittens. When women finally got a little more power and influence, they enjoyed turning the tables and what you see now is the end result.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to usher in a new era where men and women were shown as being just people...with individual foibles as well as strengths?
I have heard several people (men and women) complain about the constant one-sidedness in media portrayals of the genders. Maybe the audience is growing tired of it. I married a little later in life and had protracted period of being a single working woman...but I can proudly say that I never watched even one episode of Sex in the City and I found Ally McBeal annoying as hell.
I'll take a guy who is real any day over some robot who stifles his human emotions. Don't over-analyze it. If a situation brings you to tears, let it out. If it doesn't don't force it to score points in the sensitive male sweepstakes...savvy people can tell when you are faking it anyway. And women who mirror only the most negative stereotypic male traits (unneccessary confrontation and aggression, vulgarity in inappropriate settings and predatory interactions with the opposite sex come to mind) are just assholes...same as the guys who act like this. Nobody should get a free gender pass.
Little wonder, given the state of education and sophistication evinced by this target audience, the cynic might muse, that we are treated to the soporific mush and adolescent musing that comprise our daily dramatic fare.
I'm glad I'm not a cynic.
TV has nothing to do with reality.Obviously there are millions of people of color or gay in this country unportrayed in any kind of ratio close to their demographic.
The only reason they show these things is because the exception gets our attention.
One shining example? Homer Simpson.
The women portrayed on these shows are little more than men in drag, without any femininity, only determined to satisfy desires which can never be satisfied. With all the warmth of reptiles stalking insects.
When the fundamentalist christians take over, because there the only ones having families, these shows will be viewed as clownish, exhibitng characters, created by emotional cripples suffering from identity disorders and anorexia.
I worked all through my thirties 24 x 7, and at age 39 started to wonder where all those years went. I slowed down, got married, started a family and have never regretted it. I never miss anyone or anything from the places I have worked but my family is like gold to me. My free time is priceless. Who would want to work if you didn’t have too?
I'm just glad my generation grew up watching Gilligan's Island, no goofy, incompentent men there!