Racism at Work: It Doesn't Work to Just Say No

Last week I was on a radio show that I've been on a bunch of times. It is a major radio station in a major city. The host likes me because I say inflammatory things like, "If your boss is terrible, stop complaining and start looking for another job." Then listeners call in and tell me I'm an idiot, and in general, they sound like the audio version of Yahoo comments (scroll down).

So we were going through that routine. The topic was presidential candidates and I said I love Michelle Obama because she is not constrained by societal expectations. Then I talked about how she dated Barack when she was supervising him. I also talked about how she recently quit her huge job as an attorney in order to take care of her family during the campaign, even when the baby boomer media is still complaining about women who do this; Michelle didn't care.

The host of the show said she thought you should not date people you supervise: It's not fair, they don't have the ability to say no, etc.

By then, the phone lines were lighting up. "Lighting up" is radio lingo for the process whereby the producer of the show answers the phones, finds out what the person wants to say on air, and then cues up three or four interesting callers. This way, when the host gets a call, she knows it's going to be decent because the producer has already screened it. The producer's job is to get a wide range of callers, talking about a range of topics in a way that will engage other listeners.

The first call was from a guy who said, (I am summarizing) "I agree that you shouldn't date someone you supervise, but I think it's a different circumstance with Michelle Obama because there are so few good black men to date."

Silence. Not for long, but any silence on the radio seems long. What went through my mind was that I am not black and cannot comment on what it's like to be black and dating and I should keep quiet.

The host said, "Well, Barack is a very good catch. Good for her!"

But I am always on the alert for bad talk for women masquerading as feminism, so I said, "Well, Michelle is a great catch, too."

In hindsight, I should have said something like, "That comment is racist. There are men of every race who are good catches and men of every race who are not good dating material."

When Don Imus was fired, I remember a flurry of past guests on his show who admitted to saying nothing on-air when he said something racist. I remember telling myself that I would never do that.

But I have to tell you that it's hard to believe it's happening when it's happening. On a national radio show, there are a lot of checks in place to make sure racism doesn't happen on air: The producer screens calls, and the host can say something if it's bad (I said clitoridecdtomy on-air one week and she immediately apologized to listeners and told everyone I'd never say that word again.) And, if all that fails, presumably advertisers will ditch the show, and it will fail, because no one wants to be associated with racism.

So what happened is that in the split second that racism was happening on the radio, I didn't trust myself that it was happening, and I didn't say anything. And I see now that the way racist ideas go main stream is that the producer gives them air time, and the outspoken host and guest talk about women's issues instead of the real issue that is race.

This will not happen again with me. I will speak up when something is racist.

Being ready for racism reminds me of teaching kids to say no to drugs. If you tell kids "Just say no," it doesn't work, because they don't trust their own decision-making skills. What the drug educators have found is that if you talk about trusting your instinct about what is a positive decision and what isn't, then in a bad situation, you'll trust yourself to say the right thing.

Carmen Van Kerckhove conducts diversity training for businesses, and she wrote a great post about the best response to a racist joke. You'll be surprised by the advice. I was. It's a great post because it teaches us how to understand, at a core, why the joke is wrong. Instead of "just saying no" to a racist joke Van Kerckhove deconstructs the situation to give us our best response.

I have a solid understanding of women's issues, so I was ready with a response for the idea that Michelle Obama was lucky to find a date. I was not ready with a response to there are no good black men, because I didn't trust my knowledge of racism.

But this is what I know: The core to stopping racism is to understand it, and then trust the understanding. That's how we can be ready to call out racism as something wrong when we need to.

Comments

[realitytrumpsbull]

I think the race card gets frequent flyer miles these days, there's a lot of people who'll do just about anything to get out of doing an honest day's work, and racism is part and parcel to the office politics you see so much of anymore. What a great way to undermine your co-workers, accuse them of racism and thereby nullify the quality of the job they do. The best answer when you have this kind of stuff is: Mass firings. Screw the bottom line, everybody out, and restructure. Let them take their ostensibly offended feelings, their crocodile tears, and sunshine stories to the employment office instead...

[channelXRFR]

Don Imus is a comedian. The joke was an old guy talking "Hip-Hop". Why is it that Don Imus is severely punished for telling a joke using "Hip-Hop" and Snoop Dogg, incorporates "Hip-Hop in his standup and does so with impunity? Words aren't racist people are and Don Imus is no racist!

[hjo4]

Once again this was not Mr.Imus first time making racist remarks or comments about Blacks, he swore to stop that behavior.S­econdly,Mr­.Imus is a 60yr old something man,he knows the connonation of those words.Lastly, these young women do not have the advantage of responding to the unfunny Don Imus on the public airwaves,they aren't celebrities, they are daughters of hard working Americans.That's why he was correctly fired.

[Jason357]

Oh, and I think the racist thing is way overplayed. All cultures have both good and bad. I don't see any reason to just discuss all good about blacks and all bad about most white males.

[nihilon x]

I think that was a fair comment that was made by the caller. It could be considered insensitive by some but not altogether untrue.

I do however think that the matter of their being a shortage of black men is somewhat of a non-issue. As I see it, limiting yourself to dating only about 12% of the male or female population is (based solely on race) is part of the problem...

...and part of the solution is getting away from the idea that you have to find and date someone who is the same "race" as you to be happy.

[tcagle]

It was racist, but pragmatic.

[1will]

There was a story on The Huffington Post in the last few weeks (and CNN) in which black women decided to date white men. The black women that were quoted said that one of the reasons they made the switch is that there was a shortage of good black men out there.
The reasons given were that black men complained about the weight of black women, they seemed to prefer white women and many black men were in jail or unemployed.
These were the views of black women. My question is what is racist if black women claim a shortage of good, datable black men? By the way, you never gave the race of the caller that made the shortage of good black men claim.
There wasn't alot of racism in your story. I suspect you really had to work to find the one little comment you used. If that's the worst case of racism you could find then this country is better off than I suspected.

[OtayPanky]

1Will: "My question is what is racist if black women claim a shortage of good, datable black men?"

===

Well said.

I remember, a few years back, a big article in the NY Times Sunday magazine about interracial dating. One of the big points was how furious many black women got when they saw a black man with a white woman.

In grad school, a black woman friend of mine who was dating an Italian guy told me that as they walked down the streen BLACKS would scream at her from cars.

The propensity to make decisions based on sameness or differentness is buried deep in our mammalian brains.

That's no excure for institutionalized racism, sexism, homophobia or whatever.

But it is key to understanding how we continually get caught - as a species - in thinking about us monkeys over here not caring for them monkeys over there on the other side of the river.

Human beings have a DEEP need to do this kind of thinking, until the hard wiring of the mammalian brain is over-ridden by the activity of the bigger and potentially more powerful human brain...that can see through the delusion (perhaps).

So - here's a thoughtful question for Penelope Trunk:

HOW MANY WHITE MEN DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

[politicalreacharound]

I don't think what the caller said was racist. Calling someone out on the air for that would be way overdoing a simple comment. Look we are all different. Not being able to even speak about or difference is ignorant and dangerous. What the heck would her berating this caller solve?

[tcagle]

We have to hiss at the old folks out here occasionally because, back in the day, they were rampant racists. Not funny to have 85-year old grandmother let one rip at the goddamndest time. Not funny for a lot of reasons.

[tcagle]

When people I know get too rednecked, I say, "You live in a small world there, Bubba."

[average joe]

Race will never go away the race card is played everyday.

[anon004]

I'm not sure I understand this comment. " . . . the race card is played everyday [sic]." What "race card"? Played by whom? In what circumstances? Please explain.