2009 Resolution: Learning to Want What I've Got

About this time every year, millions of us take some time out to relax, refresh and reflect... on the year just ending, on our current state of being and on what we want to achieve in the year ahead. As a work in progress myself, I have always found this reflection time important and I try to make full use of it.

In 2008, I wrote in this space about trying to "do less" and "enjoy more." How'd I do? Well, while I was still very busy at work, I did do much better outside the office. I spent less time running around and more time just hanging out. While still busier than "the average" perhaps, 2008 did see me accepting fewer engagements, making fewer play dates, reducing my work travel, etc. All this made for more time to just be -- with my family or with a book.

Most importantly, I began to really enjoy "being." In fact, by about mid-year, I'd decided doing less was really quite a good thing. Clearly, being overly driven and programmed was not the short cut to happiness for me. And it only took me 40 years to figure it out! So, even though not perfectly executed, I found my 2008 resolution adding a lot to my overall quality of life. I'm grateful for that and hope to make even more progress down my road to happiness in 2009.

Yes, amidst the gloomy outlook, I am looking for a silver lining. In these uncertain economic times, we are all no doubt looking for ways to save more and spend less. For me, that backdrop is perhaps ideal for what feels like the next natural step after learning to do less and enjoy more. That step is as Sheryl Crow so aptly put it "not having what you want but wanting what you've got."

I've always loved this phrase but recently I've been thinking about it more and more. Let me say here that for all those reading this who may have lost jobs or houses or even worse, loved ones, this past year that I understand that I am truly lucky not to be in that position. I am blessed to have all the basics well covered for myself and for my family. And, I'm lucky to be working for a solid ethical company that I am confident will still be in business next year and next decade. For those who did suffer a major loss this past year, I am truly sorry. My heart goes out to you. You have every reason to be sad or hurt or angry or all of the above.

But, for those people who are, like me, poorer as we exit the year but still doing okay, 2009 may be our best chance to bring Sheryl's words to life in our own lives. Instead of complaining about what we don't have or can't afford this coming year... think about what would happen if we wanted what we had? Wanted our families, even that weird uncle or bossy grand mother... Wanted our jobs, despite long hours, limited advancement opportunities or difficult bosses... Wanted our houses, even without the addition or the new bathroom... Wanted our bodies, just as is, as long as they are healthy... Wanted the clothes we already own, even if they aren't the latest fashion? Think about it. Think of the power of it!

It may not help our consumer driven economy but then again, I think we need to change our dependence on consumer spending anyway. Wow! What a difference that would make and how much more time we'd all have if we weren't always shopping or spending money -- time to enjoy our families, time to help those not as fortunate or time to learn something new, by borrowing a book from the library so we don't even need to buy anything!

That may or may not appeal to you, but it has a lot of appeal to me. So, in 2009, that is my resolution. To stop longing and/or shopping to get what I want and to start wanting and using what I've got. To be happier even without having more.

Of course I'm not going to succeed completely. I'll no doubt find something, sometime, I just "have to buy." And I'll no doubt find my spouse or family or colleagues lacking in some major way at some point during the year. But that's ok. That's natural. Like 2008, it's not about being perfect. It's about making progress. Every bit of contentment gained would be a step in the right direction. And, in a year where spending less and saving more will likely remain on all our minds, wouldn't it be great if we could feel just a bit better about that and do something positive with it? Haven't we clearly voted for change? A new mindset for the New Year?

This is another change we can all do -- no matter our location, profession or religion. You can do it. And I'm certainly going to try. Even a little change can mean a lot in tough times... And I, for one, have no interest in spending 2009 complaining about all that has gone wrong. I'd much rather focus on fixing things and trying to be happy. No politician or CEO -- no matter how good -- can make that happen for me. It's up to me to do it for myself. What about you? How do you want to spend your year and what are you willing to do to make that a reality?

Comments

[MossyOak]

I made the same commitment several years ago and down-sized significantly in all aspects of my life. I discovered in the process that it's a lot easier to learn to live with less than it is to earn more. I also learned to spend time with myself doing "nothing," a skill we had as children but is somehow lost to work ethic, what I call Adult Guilt Syndrome. Now I am much happier and find joy in small things, like turning leaves, snow falls, and my dog's wet nose.

[CompashCat]

VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY = TRUE HAPPINESS!

I "retired" from a stressful career about 4 years ago and have been living on about 1/4 of the salary I used to make. Fortunately for me, I was able to put a lot of my last few years salary into my college loans, car payments and credit card balances, so I am living debt free.

Because I can afford to work part-time, my life consists of long walks in the woods, playing music with my friends, spending time with loved ones, volunteering in my community, creating an amazing backyard garden and learning how to preserve foods for the winter. I take afternoon naps, meditate, do yoga, read books and do what I want most of the time because I only need less than $1000 a month to live (I don't have kids, so that makes it easier!).

My closet is full of clothes purchased years ago, but as long as they're clean and fit right, who cares? My home is furnished with unglamorous furniture, but is is still a warm and comfortable place for my friends and I to hang out. I eat a lot of meals oriented around potatoes, rice and pasta because they're cheap carbs! I have a wonderful community, plenty of time to pursue my interests, eat healthfully, get plenty of rest and exercise and I think I must be one the the "richest" women in the world!

[SiberianRat]

I totally agree with the sentiment in this piece. People spend so much time looking outside themselves for happiness--if I just get that thing, that person, that situation, then I can be happy. Happiness is a choice, and happiness entails embracing what we have now, even if it's not ideal. We spend so much time focused outward that we often don't even realize all that we have!

[lenzorizzo]

"Choose what you got." - Werner Erhard, circa 1972

[jorkey]

The New Horizon (www.tarawalley.blogspot.com)
I am somewhat sad to say goodbye to 2008. This year had it ups and downs but it was a learning time. Now it’s the time again to make resolutions to usher in the New Year. This should be a gift to us all. This allows us to clean our slate and start afresh.
A new horizon is upon us, are you ready to start over? What are some of the things that went wrong in 2008. Could they be corrected in 2009? Don’t set unrealistic goals because that defeats the purpose of a new start.
I sometime hear people setting goals that are so unrealistic that I wonder if they are out to sabotage themselves in the upcoming year. A goal should be something obtainable yet set high. There should be short terms goals and long terms goals.
As we achieve things we gain more confident to press on. Start with some silly vice that can be easily achieved and then move forward to harder goals. I really thing a person should only have 1 to 5 resolutions for the upcoming years.

[Rider3]

This is very good advice, and I needed to read something like this -- thank you!

[Aviv]

Here is why 83% of all New Year’s Resolutions fail and what to do about it: http://www.avivshahar.com/why-83-of-all-new-year%E2%80%99s-resolutions-fail/