John McCain is America's Crazy Uncle

Most American families have a funny old uncle. Someone who is amusing and affable from a distance, but with whom you never ever talk politics, especially during a presidential election. You enjoy seeing this uncle once a year at a holiday party, and you suspect he's really a good guy because you saw him tearing up at a funeral or a wedding one time.

John McCain is America's weird old uncle.

When our daughter Allie got into presidential politics - first because of Hillary, and then tossing her vitally important endorsement to Obama while proclaiming her own intentions to run in 2036 - she already had one thing in common with Sarah Palin: she knew nothing about how presidential campaigns worked. That was all of a year ago.

Now five and a half, Allie has become a savvy observer of the electoral horse race. She understands, kind of, the difference between the primary season and the general election. Put it this way: unlike Lynn de freakin' Rothschild and her spiteful ilk, Allie gets that Hillary and Barack had to compete with each other for the top spot, but that they're ultimately on the same team. She likes 'em both. And she definitely understands that John McCain is on the other team.

But we want to teach tolerance in our household - even tolerance of intolerant Republicans. We don't want to raise a kid to stoop. And we have some very lovely wonderful people in our family who happen to be Republican (ok, just one, but he's truly a great guy). So this raised a little quandary: how do we talk about John McCain to Allie? What is the right tone to take in discussing the opposition with a child paying attention to her first presidential campaign?

That's where the Uncle analogy came from. Like Obama, we began the campaign very respectful, almost deferential of John McCain's experience as a POW. We described him to Allie like this: "John McCain is a nice man, honey, if he were an uncle we'd be happy to see him at Christmas. We just don't agree with him about politics. And for someone running for president, that's much more important than anything else."

In the silly way that parents keep driving, verbally, after they've run out of road, I went on: "Yeah, sometimes you like someone as a person but they don't make the best friend to have for a sleepover. So, imagine the next four years is like one long sleepover with the President." Maybe we were losing our metaphor, but Allie definitely liked the idea of having a sleepover with Sasha and Malia and even Barack and Michelle much more than with the McCain clan.

So John McCain was a nice guy who we respected but we didn't want to have him staying in the top bunk, or something. Mission accomplished. But as the weeks went on, Allie had questions. "What's a Democrat? What's a Republican?" Oh boy.

Well, I wasn't shy or polite about it. "Honey, you know how some friends you have will stop if a kid falls and hurts themselves, and see if that kid is OK?" Allie nodded. "Well, that's kind of like what the Democrats are like. They're not always perfect, and they don't always help. But they try, at least most of the time." What about Republicans, she wanted to know. "Well, they kind of think if you fell on the playground and skinned your knee, that's your problem." I resisted the temptation to add that they also slashed the school nurse's salary and the school's budget. Run it off, wuss!

Basically, I left no doubt that even though John McCain was a nice man deserving our respect, he played on the Mean People's team.

Maybe I should backtrack here, in deference to those parents who responded to my pro-Obama kids' T-shirts by freaking out about why I didn't have pro-McCain shirts for kids, or shirts that made the point that Democratic proposals for gun control might jeopardize their kid's 4-H gun safety class (I kid you not, people. It's a wacky world when you listen to Hannity and Rush all day, a place where the evil socialist Dems are coming to take Junior's B.B. gun.) So this explanation is for the Mom who suggested I print a baby onesie emblazoned with the phrase "Higher Taxes Hurt Me Too."

IMHO, ma'am, policies cherished by Republicans really hurt children. It's that simple. I think that it's mainly because of Republican control of the government that UNICEF ranked the US next-to-last among 33 industrialized countries on an index of "Child Well-Being." Listen, if you think that taxes to pay for Head Start and health care and arts education for your kids hurt them more than those programs help them, then you must feel right at home here in the Orwellian present. And that war you're so hell-bent on keeping going for the next 100 years? It rips families apart, taking Moms and Dads away from their kids for one, three, four tours of duty. It sends parents home shell-shocked, maimed, PTSDed, or in body bags. As a conservative, you'll no doubt agree that kids do best in a two-parent home. And let's not talk about where your life savings stand this week, sister. Oh, one other thing that you might understand since you've had your snout in the free-market-only propaganda trough for so long: Last time I checked, it's my company, just like your beloved FOX News Channel belongs to Rupert Murdoch, and I have no more obligation to be fair and balanced than he does.

OK, now that you understand why the Republicans are Darth Vader's team in my house, here's our new dilemma: how the hell do we explain John McCain's recent behavior to Allie? See, when grown-ups do every last blessed thing that we teach our kids not to, and they do it loudly, publically, and in every news cycle for weeks on end, I call that a teachable moment. I just don't know what lesson it is I'm supposed to be teaching here. McCain's behavior is frankly inexplicable from any perspective too innocent to understand the sad mess that is the Republican playbook.

So I'm going to do what I always do when the time comes to explain something political to Allie. I'm keeping it simple. "Sweetheart, sometimes people just go crazy. They want something so badly that they stop being their best selves," I'll say. "And it's really sad when it happens. They kind of lose their minds and do things they can't make right."
That, as best as I can tell, is what's happened to America's favorite old uncle. Sometimes a man would rather lose his marbles than lose an election. And in so doing, he loses everything.

Oh, one other thing I'll say to Allie: "Don't ever let that happen to you, sweetheart. Stay strong."

Comments

[Pete Cenedella - Huffpost Blogger]

I have to respond to "88" (see a couple comments below):

Lemme get this straight: "Bleeding hearts" apparently have encouraged American achievement to dip into the "average" zone because we "give kids a trophy" from "T-ball to Little League." And John McCain is gonna give us a chance to "at least TRY not to be average and stand up for what this country was based on." This is your argument, right?

You go on to bemoan that 3/4 of the American population don't understand supply and demand", which really seems like a non-sequitir to me, since you were talking about parenting, achievement, mediocrity, etc. But then your whole comment reads as a bit of a leap into the dark from what I wrote in the post... which for some reason you think is "cynical" though it's about trying to teach your child about the American political system, surely part of "what this country was based on." Tautology deluxe, baby!!!
Wait - I get it -- you're a random word-generating program!!!

[slinkymom]

Thanks for a great article. I have three sons ages 14, 11, and 8 and I want them to grow up to be honest and decent men. I want them to grow up knowing that if a person has to cheat, lie, or steal to win something, then they are truly losers. What they have lost is their dignity, their honor, and the respect and trust of others.

My sons understand why their parents support Obama and they have sat and listened to the news and heard both candidates speak. It is helping them understand what shapes the world we live in and why we have to fight for truth and integrity.

My oldest gets involved in political conversations at school and he is surprised at what his classmates say. When told by another student that Obama was muslim, my son's response was 1) no he's not, and 2) so what if he was? We've taught our children to accept all people, and I have been pleased to see that the lessons have been learned.

I think it is essential for our kids to see how politics are played these days so that when it is their turn to vote, they will look deeply at each candidate, they will learn about the issues, and hopefully stand strong for the principles of honesty and integrity.

[Pete Cenedella - Huffpost Blogger]

SlinkyMom, thanks for your comment. How young did your sons start to show an interest in politics? I'm curious. Did you encourage them and watch the news with them at an early age or did ask questions on their own that you found yourself needing to respond to? It sounds like you're doing a great job of passing your values down without being overbearing...

In our house, Allie really started taking an interest and asking questions, I have erred on the side of sheltering her from the news (esp. war) because as a kid Vietnam was my nightly dinner time TV show... and I grew up with a dark and jaundiced eye, something I'd like her to be able to avoid.

The message sent to kids by the two candidates this year could not be more diametrically opposed in my opinion: same old war-like old white man vs. a multi-racial young believer in peace and the democracy.

[SavvySue]

Careful with your grammar..."As a conservative, I'm sure you'll agree..." says that you, the speaker, are a conservative. I don't think that's what you wanted to say!

[Pete Cenedella - Huffpost Blogger]

much obliged, thanks!

[Nexxtech]

McSame is the kinda Uncle I would tell to retire and enjoy the rest of his life with his children and grandchildren.He has made his contribution to this country and we admire him for that. This commander of chief job should be handed to a younger person. This uncle looks too tired and confused to manage this turbulent economy. Relax and enjoy life. Mac....Love you

[beezusjesus]

I like this article a lot, thank you! :)

[4cats4]

Another great post! Allie--listen to your dad!

[88]

Your comments are cynical, the say the least. Your judgement of what is good for the kids is off base. The American standard has bent toward all the bleeding hearts that believe no matter how much you suck you still get a baseball trophy from T-ball to Little League....­..........­what are we saying to our kids? You're saying it is alright to be average because you will always get a prize. Even if you don't try at all. Why don't the bleeding hearts instill a good work ethic into their children. McCain offers the American people a chance again to TRY not to be average and stand up for what this country was based on. Obama doesn't have a clue on the economic status of the US, most of don't. Hell, 3/4 of the American population don't understand supply and demand. When Senator Kirk Watson was asked on national television what accomplishment Obama has made in the Senate........he could say nothing good!

[speeddeeps]

Governor Mark Sanford was asked about McCane economic policy, he didnt know( on national television)

[Pete Cenedella - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm sorry, what did I say that led you to conclude anything about work ethic or lack thereof?

BTW, compare how many pieces of legislation Barack Obama has been involved with authoring or sponsoring in his brief Senate stint with the number McCain has been involved with in his 26 years. Then tell me who's working harder on the people's business.

And my daughter kicks ass at T-ball, FYI!

[irishcat]

As someone who has worked with kids for the last 27 years, I have seen the effects of the child-raising philosophy you advocate. Kids whose parents tell them that they "suck" at anything don't usually improve at that thing, they give up. If their parents support them and help them to improve, they do, more often than not. All kids should not get a prize for activities where they do not excel, and usually don't. What can happen, though, is that parents and schools can realize that the skills and experience acquired by activities like sports, the arts, community service, etc. comprise more than just winning. Traits like perserverance, creativity, teamwork, cooperation, empathy, and problem-solving, are much more important indicators of future success than "winning". Many parts of life are based on competition, but even more are based on the characteristics I just mentioned. That's why many shools and parents celebrate the achievements of their students, even if you cannot see their significance. John McCain was an "average" student, at best. He was successful in school not because of his achievements, but because of who his father and grandfather were. How does that inspire others to "stand up for what this country was based on"?

[lindsay50312]

What are you talking about? I am a part of the "everybody is a winner" generation. And let me tell you, it sucks. Not everyone is a winner. In fact, there are quite a few more losers than winners. The sad part is that the losers, who are lazy and poorly educated, expect to reap the same rewards as the winners. It is pathetic. What happened to rewarding someone for doing a good job? And what is wrong with being successful? The day that happened is the day that my generation started to fail. And it isn't my generation's fault. It's parents like you who over coddeled their children and told them they were winners when they were failing at everything. Maybe if you hadn't told them how great they were, they would try to improve on the things they weren't so good at. And for goodness sake, not everyone is good at everything. I sucked at sports, but graduated with a 4.0, and my parents did not tell me all the time how great I was even when I failed. The wimpification of children has got to stop. I would encourage parents to have an unconditional love for their kids, but to encourage those activities the child does good at, and to be honest when there is room for improvement. You don't have to be a jerk and tell your kid that they suck at something, but why would you lie and praise them as if they're good.

[NickOLess]

I've always felt that when my kids ask questions, they deserve answers: real answers, without resort to falsehoods or prevarications. (If only McCain had the same scruples when speaking to the electorate!) It's a tough row to hoe, because you want to be honest about your own values without revealing too much of the ugliness of the adult world to their little minds, so they can grow up hopeful and happy. I think you do a great job at that, so keep it up!

[AllenPapapetrou]

Thanks, Pete, Beautiful article! Lucky girl, your Allie.

[Cakey4814]

You did a good job of explaining the differences between good and evil..oh my bad..that's not what you were doing was it? Well anyway an enjoyable article..

[kcjc]

I disagree. I love John McCain. You sound like you're the crazy father that your kid loves, but their friends realize that little Allie's dad is on the weird side and steer clear. Let Allie be a child and you grow up and realize that children need to be told the truth. If you teach them that they can count on you to always be honest and lead by a "good" example, little Allie may grow up and not need to have therapy. Read books and let her imagination roam and for heaven sakes, let her have a childhood!!

[Pete Cenedella - Huffpost Blogger]

John McCain is a man who spent years expounding a set of virtues, seeming to subscribe to them. In a few weeks, he has jettisoned every last one of them. "Straight talk"? He's done nothing but lie for weeks. "Bipartisanship" and "pragmatic leadership"? He has thrown nothing but red meat at the conservative Republican base and flip-flopped on everything from abortion rights to the economy. And in a mater of 48 hours, the crisis on Wall Street has caused him to abandon his conservative principles of deregulation to say what he thinks must be said, a load of faux populist malarkey, to get elected. I call that a sell-out, and it's not one of the values this "crazy faher" is interested in teaching my kids. Perhaps you see a willingness to be true to yourself as "crazy"... that's precisely the kind of crazy people I like, and I'm proud to try and pass those values to my kids.

The only issue McCain has remained steady on is his endless willingness to commit America's young people to war. So add hawkish blood lust to a spineless refusal to be true to his stated values. Yeah, you're right, he's a great role model for kids. Sorry kcjc, I'd prefer to teach my daughter that irresponsible violence and wrecklessness with other people's lives are not ok, in the playground or in the world. But hey, good luck wit that worldview!

[NicasioKid]

Good analogies, might work for teaching grownups, too!

[speeddeeps]

McDisturbing is the kinda uncle that we would disown